Dumbing Down America-2

I don’t know if any of this is true, but if it is the youth of the USA areĀ in huge trouble. If it isn’t, well its funny.

tumblr_mavzfw3OeF1rr3l61o1_500.png

Why Teachers Drink!

The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination.
These are genuine answers . . . from 16-year-olds.

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house, they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope…)

Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
(So true…)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant!)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. the abdomen).
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:
A,E,I,O,U.

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
(That would work!)

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’.
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit…)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable.)

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (Brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy
reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.
(Now we’re getting somewhere…)

Scot Arrested for Complaining About Islamic Invasion on Facebook

It is hard to believe that Europe is kissing Muslim ass so fervently as to eliminate any freedom of speech their people may have had.

Is There a Theme Here?

I’ve read these jokes a few times, but I loveĀ reading them over again, I laugh every time.

bitchpurposeinlife.gif

Definition of “OLD”
#1
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”

And that, my friend, is the sad definition of “OLD”!

#2
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
“How old was your husband?”
“98,” she replied: “Two years older than me”
“So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented.
She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

#3
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
“And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?” the reporter asked.
She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
#4
I’ve sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I’m half blind,
can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver’s license.
#5
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor’s permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
#6
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

“Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed.
“Why Wal-Mart?”
“Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week”
#7
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
#8
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
#9
It’s scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
#10
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
‘For fast relief.’
#11
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.