I Love Memes

Seenager

Seenager
I just discovered my age group!
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50-60 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or work
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store.  I like the wine store best..
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?
And I don’t have acne.
Life is Good!  Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.
People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.
Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.
It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.
SO THERE!!
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names!
So, please forward this to your friends; they may be my friends, too!
Thank you

PSA-170921-Senior Musings

Most old timers will know exactly how true these memes are, and will not consider them to be funny. I find them hilarious.

 

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Is There a Theme Here?

I’ve read these jokes a few times, but I love reading them over again, I laugh every time.

bitchpurposeinlife.gif

Definition of “OLD”
#1
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”

And that, my friend, is the sad definition of “OLD”!

#2
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
“How old was your husband?”
“98,” she replied: “Two years older than me”
“So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented.
She responded, “Hardly worth going home, is it?”

#3
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
“And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?” the reporter asked.
She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
#4
I’ve sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I’m half blind,
can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver’s license.
#5
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor’s permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
#6
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

“Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed.
“Why Wal-Mart?”
“Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week”
#7
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
#8
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
#9
It’s scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
#10
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
‘For fast relief.’
#11
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

Second Amendment Exercise

big bad potus

I woke up one morning this week at seven, and turned on the news. What I heard spoiled the rest of my day. There was POTUS proposing to remove guns from people on Social Security. Granted he promises to limit the take away to those who cannot function normally, and who have mental problems. My question is this: how many old people have used guns to kill, terrorize, or hold anyone hostage? The people he targets concern themselves more about who will change their diaper, or put the next meal in front of them. So, in true Progressive fashion he wants to further degrade the dignity of seniors in their twilight years. His first affront came when he stole five hundred billion dollars from the Medicare fund to finance his titanic Obamacare.

This matter is not about the threat or danger that people on Social Security present. It is a matter of taking away second amendment rights from all of us. The first victims will be people who worked hard all their lives to earn some financial security in the years after they are no longer able to work. Next, it will be you. Progressives will always invent some lame brained reason to grab a gun. Eventually, the entire population is without a defense mechanism.

If my doctor ever quizzes me even mildly as to whether I own a gun he will become my ex doctor.

Obama knows that older people are those who would most likely use firearms in the way the second amendment intends. I for one, would love to march in the squad of seniors using walkers, wheel chairs, and crutches to chase his skinny ass out of the white house. He won’t know what hit him.

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