I’d Sooner Vote For Bernie

The news that disturbed me the most today is a headline I read. It seems Senator Chuck Schumer, head ass hole from New York, has told President Trump to talk to the Dems about the healthcare bill. I say we give Schumer the same treatment he gave the Republicans when he and his head turd Harry Reid stuck the (UN)-affordable Health Care Act up our behinds. Here is what I say to you Schumer:

 

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If Trump, or the Republicans do ask democrats to participate they have lost my respect and my vote. I’d sooner vote for Bernie than a turncoat republican.

Dear AARP

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I have several reasons for my dislike of the AARP (American Association of Retired Persons). You meddle too much in affairs you should stay out of. You are the antithesis of what you propose to be. You are a two-bit lobby group who believes it is your responsibility to care for retired people. I’ll give you one thing, you are a lobby group. You are no better than the charlatans who lobby and corrupt our Representatives for their socialist governments.

Today, I listened to a radio commercial in which you pleaded with me, and all those who qualify to be in your fold, to fight against all current proposals to reinvent the health care system. For one thing, you do not know what the new health care proposal is, neither does anyone else. You are reacting to hearsay and gossip. You did the same when Obama care came into being. Neither you nor anyone in our government knew a single thing about what was in the new law that the democrats shoved up our ass, but you promoted it as the salvation of the world. Later, after the stupidity of the bill became known you railed against it. During the George Bush years you promoted free drugs for seniors. What we got was more expensive than what was available to us on our own. The difference is that we now get six pages of non-sense from Medicare every month detailing the non-benefit. We pay for those pages of boiler plate, ninety percent of which is identical from month to month with a few basic numbers representing our expenditures thrown in. It is killing trees and not saving any lives. Keep your socialist empire out of my face. You are an insurance company, why didn’t you save the Obama care program? You didn’t because you also know it is a pile of crap. Yet you are telling us to defeat whatever comes out to replace it. Go to hell and stay there.

You may ask why am I so adamant about universal healthcare? Let me tell you in one word, SLAVERY. Universal single payer healthcare is a system that takes away all control  you have over your body. The government owns your body, and decides what it will do to care for it. You do not. That is about as close to being a slave as the slaves that were dragged here from Africa to work on plantations.

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Pope Francis Is Wrong

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Attached is a link to an article in which Pope Francis states that Christians, Jews, and Muslims are the same.  What this pope does not know is the difference between right and wrong, black and white. To me, it is clear that all three religions worship one God. They all claim their God to be the one true God. Why then, do the radical Muslims believe in a religion based on death, and the Christians and Jews believe in a faith based on the sanctity of life? Pope Francis obviously has no clue. The logic doesn’t hold up if the premise is correctly stated. It will hold up if stated like this:

Christians believe in one true God.

Muslims believe in one true God.

Therefore, Christians and Muslims believe in the same God.

If I use another premise the logic changes.

Muslims believe killing infidels is the way to heaven.

Christians believe that preserving life is the way to heaven.

Therefore, Muslims are different than Christians.

In previous articles, I have stated that these two paths do not make sense, they are direct opposite and contradictory.  God is never contradictory. God is not confused about what is right and what is wrong. He doesn’t need lawyers or theologians to determine which argument holds. On the other hand, we know from Scripture that there are two kinds of angels, good angels and bad angels. Bad angels do not worship God, but good angels do. It is my contention that Pope Francis does not hold the good angel, bad angel theory as valid since he cannot see christians as being good angels and radical muslims as bad angels. Francis sees only good angels. I commend him for that vision, but I condemn the concept. Black is not white, and white is not black. They are two distinct colors. Mix them, and you get something which is a blend of the two, and neither is pure anymore. Perhaps that is what Francis is referring to when he says Christians and Muslims are a blend of humans that we must learn to love, and deal with.

 

PSA-170414-Wisdom

Andy Rooney was a very wise man. Every week I looked forward to his reports on Sixty Minutes. Usually, he said in five minutes stuff that was better than the previous fifty-five.
Here are some of the things he offered us.
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I’ve learned….That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
—-
I’ve learned….That when you’re in love, it shows.
I’ve learned ….That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.
I’ve learned….That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I’ve learned….That being kind is more important than being right. 
I’ve learned….That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I’ve learned….That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in any other way.
I’ve learned….That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I’ve learned….That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I’ve learned….That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I’ve learned….That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I’ve learned….That money doesn’t buy class.
I’ve learned….That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I’ve learned…That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I’ve learned….That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I’ve learned….That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I’ve learned….That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I’ve learned….That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I’ve learned….That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I’ve learned….That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I’ve learned….That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
I’ve learned….That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I’ve learned….That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I’ve learned….That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
I’ve learned….That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I’ve learned….That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I’ve learned….That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you’re hooked for life.
I’ve learned….That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
I’ve learned….That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

TGIF

The sun is shining, there is a mild breeze, the trees are bursting into bloom, and the birds are singing. It is a perfect day to sit down with a longneck and enjoy some relaxation. In  keeping with this spirit I propose you get into the mood with a few funny stories.

Married 50 years 
After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, “Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa-bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV.  But hey I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.
Now … I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 73-year-old woman.
So I said to my wife “it seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”
My wife is a very reasonable woman.  She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren’t older women great?
They really know how to solve an old guy’s problems!
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No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.  The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.  Holding hands, they walked back to their old school.  It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they shared, where Andy had carved ‘I love you, Sally’.

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet.  Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home.  There, she counted the money – fifty thousand dollars!

Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.”

Sally said, “Finders keepers.”  She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door, “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

Sally said, “No.”

Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”

Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him.  One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday … “

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!”
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A Jewish  grandmother   is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming  to visit with his   wife.

“You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301 .   There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button  301.  I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.  Get in, and with your elbow, push 301. When you get out, I’m on the  left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.”

“Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these  buttons with my elbow

………”What . . . .. .. You’re coming empty handed?”

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Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his  bedside, Guido,   I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a  my   chrome plated ..38 revolver so you will always remember  me.””But grandpa, I really don’t like guns.. How about you leave  me your   Rolex watch instead?”

“You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna   be runna  da business, you gonna have a beautiful   wife, lotsa money, a big-a  home and maybe a couple   of bambinos. Somma day you gonna come-a
home and maybe finda  you   wife inna bed with another man.  Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, ‘times up’ “?

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An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland , arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice.

She said, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely nude.”
With that, she stripped from the neck down,  rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, “Come on, baby,  Mama needs new clothes!”

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed. “Yes! Yes! I won, I won!” She hugged each of  the   dealers, picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly  departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, “What did she roll?”

The  other answered, “I don’t know – I thought you were watching.”

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,

…… but all men…are men!

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COLONOSCOPY IN SAN FRANCISCO

Being nervous, and embarrassed about my up-coming colonoscopy, 
on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends
in San Francisco where the beautiful nurses are allegedly more gentle and accommodating.As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my
procedure. 

“Don’t worry, at this stage of the procedure it’s quite normal to
get an erection,” the nurse told me.

“I haven’t got an erection,” I replied.

“I have,” replied the nurse.

Don’t get a colonoscopy in San Francisco

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An Irishman moves into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walks into the pub and promptly orders three beers.

The bartender raises his eyebrows, but serves the man three beers, which he drinks quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man has finished the three beers and orders three more.

This happens yet again.

The next evening the man again orders and drinks three beers at a time, several times. Soon the entire town is whispering about the Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broaches the subject on behalf of the town. “I don’t mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers?”

‘Tis odd, isn’t it?” the man replies, “You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America, and the other to Australia. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond.”

The bartender and the whole town was pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

Then, one day, the man comes in and orders only two beers. The bartender pours them with a heavy heart. This continues for the rest of the evening – he orders only two beers. The word flies around town. Prayers are offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender says to the man, “Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother. You know-the two beers and all…”

The man ponders this for a moment, then replies, “You’ll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well… It’s just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A young Arab boy asks his father, “What is that weird hat you are wearing?”

> 
> The father said, “Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it 
> protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
> 
> “And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?” asked the 
> young man.
> 
> “It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it is very hot and it 
> protects the body,” said the father.
> 
> The son asked, “And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?”
> 
> His father replied, “These are ‘babouches’ which keep us from burning 
> our feet from hot sand in the desert.”
> 
> “So tell me then,” added the boy.
> 
> “Yes, my son?”
> “Why are you living in Dearborn Michigan and still wearing all this shit

170331-Giggles

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Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp near the lake.  The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age; we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.” 

“Well,” said the big gator,“what have you been eating?”  

“Politicians, same as you,”replied the small gator. 
 
“Hmm….. Well, where do you catch them?” 
 
“Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Capitol.” 
 
“Same here. Hmm…. How do you catch them?”
 
“Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat ’em!” 
 
“Same here.” says the big gator. “Do you eat Democrats or Republicans?” 
 
“I eat only the Democrats”says the little guy. 
 
“Ah!” says the big gator. “I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment.
You see, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Democrat, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.”
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Subject: Muslim Bookstore

So, I was walking in the mall and I saw that there was a Muslim Bookstore.

The sign outside led me to wonder just what exactly was in a Muslim
bookstore, so I went in.

As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk gave me the stink eye,
but asked if he could help me.

I know I didn’t look like his normal clientele, so I asked, “Do you have a
copy of Donald Trump’s Book on his

U.S. Immigration policy regarding Muslims and Illegal aliens?”

The clerk said, “Kiss my ass, Get out, and Stay Out!”

I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

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This Ought to Make All Grandpas Feel Warm and Fuzzy
A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa’s room. “Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly,
“as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!
“What?” said her Grandpa.
“Make a noise like a frog because my mum said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney World.”
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A retired older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in
a mini skirt and a halter top. The old man was 
visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply,
“Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price. Yet I just overheard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady
there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model.”
The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of
water.
“Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn’t need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?”, replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.
 Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man.
 “There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price. See you
later Dad, Happy Father’s day.”
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Better than a Flu Shot!
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint
sitting room.
She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old  Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat the pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
“Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” Pointing to the bowl.
“Oh, yes,” she replied, “Isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.”

“Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter.”

Letter From Grandma

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Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a ‘Honk if you love Jesus’ bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn’t notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed.

I found that lot of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ‘For the love of God!’

‘Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!’

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

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