PSA-171204-Just Thinking

 

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat. A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so.
Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:
1.  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
7. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
12. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
14. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They’re everywhere.
16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . .
I go somewhere to get something,
and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
18. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
20. Have I sent this message to you before…or did I get it from you?
Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest
– Mark Twain

My View

I believe that if we could look back in time to the beginning of man on earth there would emerge a pattern of behavior that is still being practiced to this day, men are men and women are women. When Adam first found Eve in the Garden of Eden how did he approach her? Did he immediately realize that he must woo her with words, and flowers, and candy, or did he see her beauty and decide to play feely-uppy to learn what it was all about?  Men are like that you know. Our brains react to the visual, and our first tendencies are to follow our instincts to explore the wondrous specimen of humankind that God placed on this earth for us.

The issue of sexual harassment is not new, I am sure that men touching women is a practice as old as Adam and Eve, but it has been redefined from an act of courtship to one of harassment. Modern man has to realize that modern woman has come into her own right. She is equal to man (as she always was), and must be treated with the greatest of respect. After all men don’t go around touching men in the workplace, that is if you are heterosexual. The great one who is an uncle to all of us and who lives in the fancy domed house on the Washington Mall has deemed the practice of a man touching a woman as evil and as such she has a right to call it out and to punish the man. Unless of course for whatever phase of hormonal balance she is in when she may even encourage the practice. The poor man, however, not knowing the phase of lady-hormones uses the level of his own hormones as the gauge to react.

Uncle did not take men’s hormones into consideration when he wrote the laws on sexual harassment. His intention was to assure himself of further employment by catering to the desires fo the Women’s Liberation Movement. The result is that we have women who take advantage of this law, and choose to strike out against the men she believes need striking. One problem in this process that uncle invented is the hypocrisy of lawmakers. They invented the law, but decided that adherence to said law only applies to the lowly common man. Therefore, we have a conundrum, that is we have the uncle-men who women accuse of inappropriate behavior, and who truly believe the law is for the lowly serf and not for them.

So what are people to do? Surely, we have grown  intellectually since Adam and Eve. We have increased our knowledge and understanding of the human body. We are very aware of the effect of hormones on our psyche, and we have developed intensely strong will power to resist temptations of any magnitude, so what are we lacking? It is my opinion that we have forgotten about the natural impulses of a man to a woman, or of a woman to a man. That impulse is there but the sexes are not always synchronized to each other. Why? I don’t think there are enough words in the dictionary to use in all the tomes written on this subject because the reasons for disparity between the sexes is infinite.

The best solution is to use one that I grew up with. When a man does something inappropriate to a woman she hauls off and slaps the shit out of him. Trust me that works. One slap across the face will redirect the man’s attention from his intention and reset his psyche. There is no need for laws, or for complaints, just plain old common sense. Well, what if the man decides the woman hurt his feelings and files charges against him? Let’s just say that she can explain to the authorities exactly why she mis-aligned his jaw. In the good old days, a man’s wife would further the damage to his psyche and jaw if she found out about his behavior, especially in a public forum.

I guess we are just too educated and too civilized to think and behave in such crude way anymore. We prefer to take the litigious route and let judges decide what is best for us, instead of our own brains. Then we write letters to our man in uncle’s white house to write new laws to keep people from behaving like people. It is kind of like taking guns away from people to stop people from killing each other.

PSA-171117-Philosophy?

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

♦ I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number.

 

PSA-171115A-Senior Musings

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

 

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.  We haven’t met yet!

 

I don’t need anger management.  I need people to stop pissing me off!

 

Old age is coming at a really bad time!

 

The biggest lie I tell myself is … “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

 

I don’t have gray hair.  I have “wisdom highlights”.  I’m very wise.

 

My people skills are just fine.  It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

 

The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please.  I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes”.

 

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid … but it can muffle the sound!

 

Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

 

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

 

At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

 

For Better Or For Worse

The old anniversary odometer just clicked off another whole number, we made it!  Today Peg and I celebrate our twelfth wedding anniversary. I can’t say the ride has been smooth because we have had our differences, but we learned to deal with them, and always made up. My God father once gave me this advice: never go to bed angry at each other , always kiss and tell each other “I  you love.”  God father’s advice works because Peg and I have made that ritual a standard practice. In twelve years I can say that we missed it once. I should say I missed it once because she was already asleep when I got home from a late meeting. Even though she slept, I followed through but she was so fast asleep she didn’t know I did.

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The first nine years I have to admit we enjoyed the “for better” aspect of our marriage vows We partied, we traveled, we went to the theater, we enjoyed the country club dinners with friends, all the things healthy people in love do. In the ninth year there was a dramatic slowdown in the better and an increase in the “for worse.” There were signs of memory deterioration. Peg suddenly needed help operating a washing machine. At first, I thought she was playing me, but she couldn’t remember which knobs to turn and buttons to push. When we traveled she always insisted I wait for her right outside the ladies room, she was afraid of getting lost. When in a restaurant she told me to order for her because she couldn’t see the items on the menu. This was a lady whose practice it was to read the entire menu, even the fine print, so she could decide upon a meal. During the last two years it has been mostly “for worse”  with an occasional better.

Joe & Peggy Wedding Party-November 5, 2005

Peggy’s Family

Before we agreed to marry, we discussed the inevitability of one of us dying or getting sick and how we expected the other to act. We agreed that even if we only had one year together it was worth the try at happiness. Both of us had long marriages before, and we both lost our spouses to a disease. Her husband died of heart related issues in combination with lung cancer at age sixty-nine. My wife beat breast cancer only to die at age sixty-five from issues related to a debilitating heart attack at age sixty-three.

Between the two of us we had ninety-one years of marriage under our belts, how hard could a second marriage be? It should be a snap, after all we have seen almost everything couples experience during our first marriages. How wrong I was. It was hard, but not so hard that we weren’t able to figure things out and smooth the conflicts over.

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Right now, Peg is in some state of deterioration resulting from Alzheimer’s disease. I tell people she is relatively stable but declining very slowly.  This is why we are in the “for worse” period of our vows. Her communication skill is gone. Imagine a typical woman not being able to talk, she must be in hell. Imagine a woman who was a fashionista suddenly not giving a crap about clothes, make-up, or hair. Imagine a woman who was so fastidiously clean that she changed every piece of clothing every day because it was dirty from having worn it once, not wanting to bathe. Imagine a lady who could out walk me on a shopping trip not being able to walk again because she can’t remember how. I could go on and on, but I think you get the drift. Our lives have changed from that of newly weds to that of care-taker and patient. Luckily we had discussed these possibilities early on and put things in writing to be very clear about how we would treat each other.

It has been a good run but it is not over yet. It may last another day, or another ten years but it won’t matter because we still love each other now, and will continue to love each other to the very end which is the “till death do us part” of our vows. I write that like I expect to outlive her, but the fact is I can drop dead before her. In that case her life gets a little bit more complicated, but again, we have left instructions for our children on how to deal with that situation.

Happy anniversary my darling!

PSA-171104-Truisms

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

~~~~~

My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.

~~~~~

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~~~

Blessed are those who can give without remembering
and take without forgetting.

~~~~~

The irony of life is that, by the time you’re old
enough to know your way around, you’re
not going anywhere.

~~~~~

God made man before woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer for her first question.

~~~~~

I was always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps getting harder to find one.

~~~~~

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

~~~~~

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
“With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control,
mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing
up the country from one end to another,
and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,
are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the
Pledge of Allegiance?”

~~~~~

B17’s, P51’s, and B29’s

Captain-Jerry-Yellin-675x640.jpg

How does it feel to be the very last pilot to fight an air battle in a great war? The Last Fighter Pilot told me exactly what is was like since this book is about his experience as a pilot flying out of Iwo Jima during the war against Japan. Until this book all I knew about Iwo Jima was that it took several thousand Marine lives to chase the Japanese off the island and when they raised to American flag one photographer got lucky and took a picture that has memorialized the place. Other than that I was never aware that Iwo Jima the island became a vital stepping stone in the defeat of the Japanese in WWII.

I became aware of this book while watching an interview with Captain Jerry Yellin on TV. My God I thought the guy is ninety-three, he still fits in his Army Air Corp uniform and he is a sharp as a tack, I want to hear his story. I ordered his book through my library, and waited three months for it to arrive, there were twenty-four holds on it before me. I picked up the book on Saturday afternoon, and finished reading it on Monday evening. I love war stories, with airplanes, and this was a great one.

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Enola_Gay_(plane).jpg

 

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