Today’s Senior Wisdom

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Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore.
If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.
A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so.
Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered: 
1.  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
7. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
12. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
14. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They’re everywhere.
16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
 
17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
18. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
20. Have I sent this message to you before…or did I get it from you?

Lessons For All Of Us, Even Liberals

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I figure that one reason these practices have ceased to exist is because more than seventy  million new immigrants have arrived from at least two hundred and six different countries since all of this was standard practice in our society.

 

 
 
Black and White
Black and White

(Under age 45? You won’t understand)

 
You could hardly see for all the snow,
Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.
 
‘Good Night, David.
 
Good Night, Chet.’
 
My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn’t seem to get food poisoning.
 
My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter and I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not
in ice pack coolers, but I can’t remember getting E.coli.
 
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

 
We all took gym, not PE… and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked’s (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can’t recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.
 
Flunking gym was not an option… Even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.
 
Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.
 
We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours
wore a hat and everything.
 
I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.
 
I just can’t recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.
 
Oh yeah.. And where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!
 
We played ‘king of the hill’ on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn’t sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.
 
Now it’s a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $99 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.
 
We didn’t act up at the neighbor’s house either; because if we did we got our butt spanked there and then we got our butt spanked again when we got home.
 
I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off.
 
Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house.
 
Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a jerk. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
 
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family.
 
How could we possibly have known that?
 
We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes.
 
We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn’t even

notice that the entire country wasn’t taking Prozac!

 
How did we ever survive?
 
LOVE
TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA; AND TO ALL WHO DIDN’T, SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN’T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING!
 
Pass
this to someone and remember that life’s most simple pleasures are very often the best.

 

Catching Up

For the longest time I have seen ads claiming that Cable television is running scared. I could not determine what the heck they were afraid of. At that time I subscribed to cable for my internet and television service. Then, this year my cell phone died. I was forced to buy a new one. My landline has been with ATT since the first time I had to buy service in 1961. This time, however, I decided to take advantage of the entire package; land line, cell phone, internet, and TV. The package saved me one hundred dollars a month for the first two years at least. I have endured the ATT internet service to take advantage of the savings, but it is clearly slower than cable. At my age I don’t want anything to be slower because I am trying to squeeze more out of life; waiting for a website to come up does not fit into that scenario.

Two weeks ago, Peg’s caretaker took a day off to attend a party at a friend’s house. The caretaker is from a foreign country, and is not a tech-nerd by any means, but she does know how to save a buck. She came home all excited to show me something she had bought at Best Buy. The gadget is an Amazon FireTVStick. I looked down my nose at it and said I’d try it out.  She couldn’t say enough good about this device. The host of the party she attended had one installed and bragged about how wonderful it was and all the TV was for free. The host is a Russian immigrant who barely speaks English, but was very aware of the Firestick

With the advent of fiber-optic phone lines there has been a major advance in the ability to transmit tons of information over phone lines.  Back in the late eighties and early nineties I visited Sprint in Kansas City, KS as an engineer. These people were diligently working on improving the transmission of data across phone lines. They excitedly explained the benefits of what they were doing. I nodded my head and took it all on faith that they knew what they were doing. I was more focused on trying to solve their problems with my product, a lowly cable tie.

The future that Sprint was working on has arrived. The threat that Cable TV is worried about is called streaming. Today, young people with computers and cell phones are getting their entertainment over the phone lines via a process called streaming. The Firestick is a piece of hardware that allows those of us who have Wi-Fi and digital TV’s to take advantage of streaming. Streaming is the transmission of TV signals over phone lines, and through the atmosphere wirelessly.

Most of us have heard of YouTube. It is a Google process which allows us to load videos onto the internet. Right now, Google has more content available than a person can view watching full-time for a lifetime, and there is more being posted everyday. What I was not aware of is that the stuff we watch on TV is also available on YouTube.

While I was sleeping and surfing the net for news, the youth of the world have been busy working to take advantage of the entertainment content available on the internet. New companies have sprung up with products that allow it all to happen. Most of it is software that allows a user to capture all the streams of data that are traversing the universe; the Amazon FireTVstick is one of them.

This week I finally attacked the Firestick and began to play with it. At this point it is still beating me, but I will conquer the damn thing and we will be watching TV transmitted by Wi-Fi over the internet. When I do conquer the thing it will enable me to quit the TV subscription I have from ATT and save eighty-nine bucks a month, or a whopping one thousand and sixty-eight dollars a year; no wonder Cable is running scared.

Like always when I work with something new like the Firestick I searched YouTube for videos that would show me how to make it work. I even use YouTube to learn how to cook recipes. What I found amazed me. There are dozens of Nerds making videos on how to use streaming devices. What is more surprising is that they have hundreds of thousands of views. The world is on the cusp of using streaming as a way to view video content on TV’s, computers, tablets, and cell phones. Even an old guy like me will learn how to do it and soon will master an entirely new technology. Who said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Well at least for now I haven’t mastered the steps to success.

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My Sentiments Exactly

George Carlin was a magnificent comedian who used common sense to make fun of the human race. His intellect was far greater than that of the entire liberal population.

I would love to hear George’s monologue on global warming. He is right about the conceit of those who actually believe that a life form as insignificant as a human could have any impact on changing the planet.

The only positive I see coming out of the global warming threat is that power companies are becoming more efficient and thus less polluting. More companies are pouring money into developing better batteries and solar panels, but the bottom line is this: If we can buy energy for less from a coal burning power plant we will continue to do it. Our money is better spent on having fun. In another hundred years the electric car will probably have enough range and life to warrant spending money for. We will still need coal burning power plants to supply energy to all the battery chargers needed to keep our cars running. Solar panels may someday be made in the form of building materials. All new houses made from these solar absorbing roofs and walls will make them self sufficient. What will we then do with the millions of homes already made without such a sufficiency?

In the short term, all I see happening is that governments that buy into the global warming lie will tax us heavily. Not only will their economies be pouring trillions into developing low carbon emitting processes, the rich countries will be racked with guilt about putting the world into the dilemma. To buy their way out of the guilt they will send trillions of tax dollars to lesser countries that are too ignorant to know their life is being jacked by a bunch of thieves. Poor countries will remain poor, and rich countries will remain rich.  The common man, we the people meaning you and me will be poorer, and perhaps happier that we do our bit to save the planet.

As we pay and suffer to save the world, and Muslims will succeed in annihilating civilization thus depopulating the planet.  Earth will continue on its merry orbit until the sun itself eventually peters out a few billion years from now.

PSA-170501-Road Info

Burma Shave

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A man, a miss,
A car, a curve.
He kissed the miss,
And missed the curve.

 

Burma Shave

I’m sure that Burma Shave actually saved some lives.  People laughed and then were more careful!  It was a REAL “service” to America, even though it was an advertisement and it was one of the RARE “really useful” ones! 

 To My Old-As-Dirt Friends and Relatives who qualify as “old as dirt.”

For those who never saw any of the Burma Shave signs, here is a quick lesson in our history of the 1930’s and ’40’s.

Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers’ fields.  They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet… and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.

*********************************************************

DON’T STICK YOUR ELBOW
OUT SO FAR
IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR. Burma Shave


TRAINS DON’T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
‘CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER’S LAP. Burma Shave


SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE. Burma Shave


DON’T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT. Burma Shave


DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING. Burma Shave


BROTHER SPEEDER
LET’S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE. Burma Shave


CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET’S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER. Burma Shave


SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT. Burma Shave


THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE. Burma Shave


AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN’T IT? Burma Shave


NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU. Burma Shave


A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN’
HE’S JUST HOPIN’. Burma Shave


AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT’S HARD TO PLAY. Burma Shave


BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT’S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER’S CODE. Burma Shave


THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE’S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING. Burma Shave


CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE. Burma Shave


PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW.
 Burma Shave

 

Do these bring back any old memories? If not, you’re merely a child.

If they do – then you’re old as dirt. LIKE ME! I loved reading them.

Have a great day!

 

I’d Sooner Vote For Bernie

The news that disturbed me the most today is a headline I read. It seems Senator Chuck Schumer, head ass hole from New York, has told President Trump to talk to the Dems about the healthcare bill. I say we give Schumer the same treatment he gave the Republicans when he and his head turd Harry Reid stuck the (UN)-affordable Health Care Act up our behinds. Here is what I say to you Schumer:

 

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If Trump, or the Republicans do ask democrats to participate they have lost my respect and my vote. I’d sooner vote for Bernie than a turncoat republican.

Dear AARP

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I have several reasons for my dislike of the AARP (American Association of Retired Persons). You meddle too much in affairs you should stay out of. You are the antithesis of what you propose to be. You are a two-bit lobby group who believes it is your responsibility to care for retired people. I’ll give you one thing, you are a lobby group. You are no better than the charlatans who lobby and corrupt our Representatives for their socialist governments.

Today, I listened to a radio commercial in which you pleaded with me, and all those who qualify to be in your fold, to fight against all current proposals to reinvent the health care system. For one thing, you do not know what the new health care proposal is, neither does anyone else. You are reacting to hearsay and gossip. You did the same when Obama care came into being. Neither you nor anyone in our government knew a single thing about what was in the new law that the democrats shoved up our ass, but you promoted it as the salvation of the world. Later, after the stupidity of the bill became known you railed against it. During the George Bush years you promoted free drugs for seniors. What we got was more expensive than what was available to us on our own. The difference is that we now get six pages of non-sense from Medicare every month detailing the non-benefit. We pay for those pages of boiler plate, ninety percent of which is identical from month to month with a few basic numbers representing our expenditures thrown in. It is killing trees and not saving any lives. Keep your socialist empire out of my face. You are an insurance company, why didn’t you save the Obama care program? You didn’t because you also know it is a pile of crap. Yet you are telling us to defeat whatever comes out to replace it. Go to hell and stay there.

You may ask why am I so adamant about universal healthcare? Let me tell you in one word, SLAVERY. Universal single payer healthcare is a system that takes away all control  you have over your body. The government owns your body, and decides what it will do to care for it. You do not. That is about as close to being a slave as the slaves that were dragged here from Africa to work on plantations.

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