We’Ve Come A Long Way, Or Have We?

a

I Just Couldn’t Resist

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 —
CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at
her. She

immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved
again.. The man seemed

more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, ‘Well your Honour, it was like this: when
the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her

condition. She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The
Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
‘Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to
smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
‘William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,
‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!’
… I just lost it.
‘CASE DISMISSED!!’

Fence Me In

 

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I grew up listening to a cowboy song called “Don’t Fence Me In.” The lyrics brought one to imagine living in a place so large and so free that it was eden like.

Don’t Fence Me In
Oh give me land, lots of land, and the starry skies above
Don’t fence me in
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love
Don’t fence me in
Let me be by myself in the evening breeze
And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
Send me off forever but I ask you please
Don’t fence me in
Just turn me loose, let me straddle my old saddle on
Underneath the western skies
On my cayuse, let me wander over yonder
Till I see the mountains rise
I want to ride to the ridge where the West commences
To many words, gaze at the moon till I lose my senses
And I can’t look at hobbles and I can’t stand fences
Don’t fence me in
Oh give me land, lots of land, and the starry skies above
Don’t fence me in
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love
Don’t fence

When I hear arguments from liberals about against a border fence I wonder if it is because they were raised hearing this song. Since one has to be a septuagenarian to know this song it can’t be the reason, because there are not that many of us.
Even though I loved this song when I was twelve times have changed and so has my body clock. Now, I want to be fenced in, i.e. into the United States. The idea of being fenced inside a nursing home still repulses me. I’d sooner live with the rattle snakes than in a holding tank for the grim reaper. Perhaps in another ten years I will change my mind and look forward to being tended to by lovely women paid to humor me.
I see the border fence as a necessity like the Great Wall Of China, and Hadrian’s wall in England.  Neither of those walls was fool-proof but one doesn’t see too many foreigners living in China. I see the wall along our southern border to control the influx of foreigners. We need foreigners to make up for all the native babies being aborted yearly. Combine abortions with the lack of young women bearing children and our population is in jeopardy of extinction. Let us screw for recreation without bearing the responsibility of rearing the offspring, and by the way let our women do the same, except, we want our women to feed us, keep our clothes and homes clean just as they did in primitive days, but they don’t have to raise kids. We just want them around to feed our libidos, and to make repeated trips to the frig to run a long neck to our loungers while we view Cro-magnon men bully each other on the grid-iron, and kneel during the playing of our national anthem.
What we really need is a fence with an occasional break in it to allow people to get into our mecca. Uncle Sam will build huge welcoming centers at each opening to process the millions of people eager to begin washing all those dishes in all our restaurants across the country.
The processing centers will do things like conduct back-ground checks, and issue visas to make the visitor compliant with our laws. Of course Mexico will go to war with us on this matter because the many Coyotes employed to smuggle people in will become jobless. The Drug cartels will have to build an army of trebuchets to launch huge packages of drugs over the fences. Caterpillar will sell Mexico billions of dollars worth of mining equipment to bore tunnels under the wall large enough to allow semi-trucks filled with drugs to enter. The wall will be good for business, and the immigrants too. Why? Because they will lose the illegal moniker and be qualified for all benefits without us being able to complain about it. Democrats will be happy too, because they will register all the new entrants to vote at the same time they are issued visas.
The EPA will raise hell with the wall because the lizards will be unable to move freely, and their yearly migration patterns will be disturbed causing the lizard population to head toward extinction. No lizards? What will the rattle snakes eat?
The USA will also have to go to  war with Mexico again to take some more land. We need the Rio Grande to be within the USA. That way we can build the wall on our land south of the river and not worry about how to build the wall down the middle of the river. Of course we couldn’t build the wall on our side of the river because that would cede ground to Mexico.
I wonder how the graffiti artists will make out? The paint companies will cash in supplying spray cans of the primary colors so the artists of both countries could express themselves freely upon the new surface. Travel agents will prosper by selling tours along each side of the wall to view the graffiti. Think of the many fiestas that could be planned along the wall to celebrate feast days. We would have enough room to display giant portraits of every president and his mistresses. People would flock to see the spectacle just as we do to see Mount Rushmore.
I intended this piece to be a satire on liberal attitudes toward the fence, but instead it evolved into a fun time brainstorming possibilities the fence will yield.
I can’t wait to book my fence graffiti tour!
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Devolving

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Early English Territory Occupied By Tribes

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Modern English Counties

I am reading a fascinating series of books labeled The Camulod Chronicles. At this point I have completed six of the eight volumes. It is historical fiction based on Arthurian legend. The island we now today as Britain is a territory of warring tribes. The people of these tribes do not trust anybody, ever. They are this way because when one tribe roams into the territory of another tribe it is because they are seeking to take over land, food, women, or valuables. Consequently, each tribe sought to defend itself, and often the outcome was war. These meetings on the battlefield ended when on of the tribes ran out of living warriors. The tribe with the most able warriors plundered, raped, and occupied as was their winning right.

The time period for this story is 400-500 A.D. There were no countries as we know them today, only groups of people who lived near each other for protection. In areas where the group was large the tribe carried a name like Gaul, Saxon, or Dane, and they occupied a large area. As time progressed some of these tribes updated their protection systems by building fortifications. When sighting the enemy the locals all herded into the fort, and closed the gates. Most tribes had one man who ruled over all the others as king or warlord.

The Camulod Chronicles narrates the evolution of the many tribes into an alliance of tribes which eventually become a single kingdom made up of many smaller kingdoms. Throughout the story I couldn’t help thinking of how our current world is trying so hard to devolve back into a wild state of existence. The longing for open borders with men traveling from place to place freely is reminiscent of the original tribes who wandered and looked for something better by deliberately wandering into a neighbors territory.

Europe was the territory inhabited by tribes which eventually defined themselves into discrete territories with boundaries. They gave their domains names likes France, Germany, Spain, Belgium, Denmark, Austria, Sweden, Finland, Norway, and England. They all had boundaries, discreet languages, laws, and governments. Then in the late sixties there were some on the continent of Europe who thought it might be more efficient if they united into a single entity like the United States. One of the first things they did was to open their borders to allow people to have free movement from place to place. Then over a period of twenty to thirty years they standardized on a currency. Things were going along pretty smoothly until the head of the European Union began to place restrictions and regulations into place that silently began to change the cultures of the nations.

Another event happened more recently, that is the mass migration of Muslims from war-torn countries disguised as refugees. Nothing could be done to stop the flow because the borders were open and the migrants were free to roam as they pleased looking for countries with social systems that they could plunder. Britain wised up and decided to exit the European Union and to reclaim its sovereignty as an independent nation. My guess is that is because Britain has a good sense of history and has rejected the progressive idea that history must be rewritten to encompass  the vision of the future. The Camulod Chronicles splendidly depicts the story of how painful it was for Britain to become the great country it is

Perhaps the European Union will succeed some day into uniting the countries of Europe into one nation. While this evolution is taking place I venture to guess that the EU will undergo several periods of devolution.

In the meantime, the same genius jerks who propose to unite Europe are working overtime to devolve the United States into a primitive un-united warring state.

The Chinese curse is working, “May You Live In Interesting Times.”

My View

I believe that if we could look back in time to the beginning of man on earth there would emerge a pattern of behavior that is still being practiced to this day, men are men and women are women. When Adam first found Eve in the Garden of Eden how did he approach her? Did he immediately realize that he must woo her with words, and flowers, and candy, or did he see her beauty and decide to play feely-uppy to learn what it was all about?  Men are like that you know. Our brains react to the visual, and our first tendencies are to follow our instincts to explore the wondrous specimen of humankind that God placed on this earth for us.

The issue of sexual harassment is not new, I am sure that men touching women is a practice as old as Adam and Eve, but it has been redefined from an act of courtship to one of harassment. Modern man has to realize that modern woman has come into her own right. She is equal to man (as she always was), and must be treated with the greatest of respect. After all men don’t go around touching men in the workplace, that is if you are heterosexual. The great one who is an uncle to all of us and who lives in the fancy domed house on the Washington Mall has deemed the practice of a man touching a woman as evil and as such she has a right to call it out and to punish the man. Unless of course for whatever phase of hormonal balance she is in when she may even encourage the practice. The poor man, however, not knowing the phase of lady-hormones uses the level of his own hormones as the gauge to react.

Uncle did not take men’s hormones into consideration when he wrote the laws on sexual harassment. His intention was to assure himself of further employment by catering to the desires fo the Women’s Liberation Movement. The result is that we have women who take advantage of this law, and choose to strike out against the men she believes need striking. One problem in this process that uncle invented is the hypocrisy of lawmakers. They invented the law, but decided that adherence to said law only applies to the lowly common man. Therefore, we have a conundrum, that is we have the uncle-men who women accuse of inappropriate behavior, and who truly believe the law is for the lowly serf and not for them.

So what are people to do? Surely, we have grown  intellectually since Adam and Eve. We have increased our knowledge and understanding of the human body. We are very aware of the effect of hormones on our psyche, and we have developed intensely strong will power to resist temptations of any magnitude, so what are we lacking? It is my opinion that we have forgotten about the natural impulses of a man to a woman, or of a woman to a man. That impulse is there but the sexes are not always synchronized to each other. Why? I don’t think there are enough words in the dictionary to use in all the tomes written on this subject because the reasons for disparity between the sexes is infinite.

The best solution is to use one that I grew up with. When a man does something inappropriate to a woman she hauls off and slaps the shit out of him. Trust me that works. One slap across the face will redirect the man’s attention from his intention and reset his psyche. There is no need for laws, or for complaints, just plain old common sense. Well, what if the man decides the woman hurt his feelings and files charges against him? Let’s just say that she can explain to the authorities exactly why she mis-aligned his jaw. In the good old days, a man’s wife would further the damage to his psyche and jaw if she found out about his behavior, especially in a public forum.

I guess we are just too educated and too civilized to think and behave in such crude way anymore. We prefer to take the litigious route and let judges decide what is best for us, instead of our own brains. Then we write letters to our man in uncle’s white house to write new laws to keep people from behaving like people. It is kind of like taking guns away from people to stop people from killing each other.

PSA-171116-This Time It Is Serious

THINGS YOUR BURGLAR WON’T TELL YOU    
Read all the way to the end. You just might learn something that will save your home from being burglarized.
1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.
2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.
3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste… and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.
4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.
5. If it snows while you’re out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.
6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don’t let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it’s set. That makes it too easy.
7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom – and your jewellery. It’s not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.
8. It’s raining, you’re fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door – understandable. But understand this: I don’t take a day off because of bad weather.
9. I always knock first. If you answer, I’ll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don’t take me up on it.)
10. Do you really think I won’t look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.
11. Here’s a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids’ rooms.
12. You’re right: I won’t have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it’s not bolted down, I’ll take it with me.
13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system.  If you’re reluctant to leave your TV on while you’re out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television.
8 MORE THINGS A BURGLAR WON’T TELL YOU:
1.Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.
2. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.
3. I’ll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he’ll stop what he’s doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn’t hear it again, he’ll just go back to what he was doing. It’s human nature.
4. I’m not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?
5. I love looking in your windows. I’m looking for signs that you’re home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I’d like. I’ll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.
6.  Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It’s easier than you think to look up your address. Parents: caution your kids about this.  You see this every day.
7. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it’s an invitation.
8. If you don’t answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.
Sources:Convicted burglars in North Carolina , Oregon , California , and Kentucky ; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runs
http://www.crimedoctor.com /and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.
Protection for you and your home:
If you don’t have a gun, here’s a more humane way to wreck someone’s evil plans for you. WASP SPRAY
A friend who is a receptionist in a church in a high risk area was concerned about someone coming into the office on Monday to rob them when they were counting the collection. She asked the local police department about using pepper spray and they recommended to her that she get a can of wasp spray instead.
The wasp spray, they told her, can shoot up to twenty feet away and is a lot more accurate, while with the pepper spray, they have to get too close to you and could overpower you. The wasp spray temporarily blinds an attacker until they get to the hospital for an antidote. She keeps a can on her desk in the office and it doesn’t attract attention from people like a can of pepper spray would. She also keeps one nearby at home for home protection…
Thought this was interesting and might be of use.
FROM ANOTHER SOURCE:
On the heels of a break-in and beating that left an elderly woman in Toledo dead, self-defense experts have a tip that could save your life.
Val Glinka teaches self-defense to students at Sylvania SouthviewHigh School.  For decades, he’s suggested putting a can of wasp and hornet spray near your door or bed.  Glinka says, “This is better than anything I can teach them.”  Glinka considers it inexpensive, easy to find, and more effective than mace or pepper spray. The cans typically shoot 20 to 30 feet; so if someone tries to break into your home, Glinka says, “spray the culprit in the eyes”. It’s a tip he’s given to students for decades. It’s also one he wants everyone to hear. If you’re looking for protection, Glinka says look to the spray.
“That’s going to give you a chance to call the police; maybe get out.” Maybe even save a life.
Put your car keys beside your bed at night.  Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr.’s office, the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across.. Put your car keys beside your bed at night.
If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies. This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It’s a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won’t stick around. After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won’t want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.
P.S.
I am sending this to everyone I know because I think it is fantastic. Would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can’t reach a phone. My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn’t hear him. He can activate the car alarm and then she’ll know there’s a problem.  Probably would be a good idea if you were disabled and fell because you could signal for help.

Another Sub-culture

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Many times while traveling in National Parks I struck up a conversation with a worker. They were either behind a counter or cleaning a campsite. I thirsted for knowledge about how and why they got the jobs they had. What I learned is that many of them were retirees who just wanted to spend time in a beautiful place. Who could argue that? Spend a summer in Yellowstone National Park, or Sequoia, or a winter in the Everglades, why not?

I often thought of myself doing the same, but never had the nerve to follow through. Mostly, because my wife Barb wasn’t on the same page as I was. Then after she died, I did embark on a solo journey, but it wasn’t to a national park. I rented a condo in Arizona for two months to grieve. We had often talked of retiring to Arizona, and this was my way of taking her with me to finally do it. Never mind all the excuses I had before, my kids were grown and on their own, I retired from my job, the house could stand a winter without me. What about my  friends? Well, except for one young lady, I didn’t have any friends, and she was too young to leave her job to come with me. The telephone would be my link to friends.

This week I picked up a book titled Nomadland, it spoke to me, and I loved it. This author chronicled the life I had dreamed of creating for myself. There is a big difference between my way and the way of the people she wrote about. Her people were all sixty somethings who lost jobs, and then homes, and were left without a way to live. In order to survive they managed to learn to live in vans, trailers, motor-homes, tents, or anything that could shelter them from elements because the only jobs they could find didn’t pay enough to rent a room and eat too.  Jessica Bruder followed these people for three years, and even joined them in a van of her own to experience what it was like to live in their community. There are thousands of these nomads living this lifestyle because of the independence they get and because they can’t afford anything better. They skip from campground to campground to avoid rent, and take part-time jobs with companies who offer seasonal work just to make gas money and sustenance. Would you believe that one of the largest employers of part time nomads is Amazon? Yes Amazon, actually recruits workers through their branch called Amazon CamperForce. The stories Bruder relates to working at Amazon Fulfilment Centers are crazy. Can you imagine sixty somethings logging 12-15 miles walking daily inside one of these big box warehouses scanning goods to either put away or to remove for shipping for ten to twelve hours a day?  I can’t either, but it is happening right now in a place near you. The people doing it don’t really like it but it allows them to make money to live their lifestyle. Many of them refer to Amazon as the largest slave keeper in the world.

I enjoyed reading these stories and following the campers as they moved from city to city to attend events like the Rubber Tramp Rendezvous in the desert near Quartzsite, Arizona. I remember passing through Quartzsite on Inter-state ten on my way to California. It looked like a giant flea market from the road I never wandered off to see if there actually was a city there too, next time I will for sure.

If you are into reading books about our American culture and how people cope with life this is a great read. I give it five stars.

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