Thank You Friends

Yesterday, the Frankfort Lions Club held the yearly Wurst Fest, and I want to thank all of my friends who came. The Wurst is a fun time to raise money for the club charities account. We cannot help the community without funds, and it is your generosity that keeps our momentum going. The Lions International by-laws stipulate that all monies derived from the public must be returned to the public. The Frankfort Lions faithfully keep that resolution, whether it is for street signs, a village snow plow, or food pantry support it comes from your donations; thank you. At the same time, if we want to treat the members to dinner, or to have fun, we pay for it out of pocket. Mostly we have internal fund raisers which we keep separate from the charities.

I managed to hold the line on the quantity of alcohol I imbibed so I am not tired today. As I write this I am thinking of how many house in the house details remain unfinished. My list of baby steps will aid me in getting things done.

Sad News

There are so many things racing through my mind I don’t really know what to write about and writing about everything will only make things worse. So I must pick one topic and stay with it.

This morning I received a call from the wife of a very dear friend. The instant I saw her name come up on caller ID I knew what it meant. She called to tell my that her husband died. Her husband happens to be a lifelong friend from grammar school days. How many of us can brag about being in touch with a kid from the eight grade? For seventy years we stayed in touch, and kept up to date.

A childhood song immediately popped into my mind and the melody keeps replaying in a loop through all the confusion in my mind. Sung in 1956 by the most popular quartet of the day, The Four Lads.

Watching All the Girls Go By

Standing on a corner watching all the girls go by
Standing on a corner watching all the girls go by
Brother you don't know a nicer occupation
Matter of fact, neither do I
Than standing on a corner watching all the girls
Watching all the girls, watching all the girls go by

I'm the cat that got the cream
Haven't got a girl but I can dream
Haven't got a girl but I can wish
So I'll take me down to Main street
And that's where I select my imaginary dish

Standing on a corner watching all the girls go by
Standing on a corner giving all the girls the eye
Brother if you've got a rich imagination
Give it a whirl, give it a try
Try standing on a corner watching all the girls
Watching all the girls, watching all the girls go by

Brother you can't go to jail for what you're thinking
Or for that woo look in your eye
Standing on the corner watching all the girls
Watching all the girls, watching all the girls go by

This song documents the most popular activity I found myself engaged in during my 12-14 yo period. Many times my buddy Bob was standing right next to me, along with Kenny, and Jack.

Now it is time to put on my best shirt, and my smiley face to celebrate Bob’s entry into eternal peace. It is wine time! Here’s to you Bob, keep playing those sweet songs on sax for the angels.

Broken Glass, Bleeding heart

This week as I helped clean the table after supper I placed my empty wine glass on the counter and then proceeded to knock it over. My first reaction was to step back and survey the floor for broken pieces. Next i went for the broom and dust pan. I know that when glass breaks and scatters it goes into mysterious places that don’t make any sense. I wound up sweeping the entire kitchen being careful to get under the cabinet skirts. I collected a small pile of chards and dumped them. Next, I did the same with the counter top. Again, there were glass chards in places where one does not usually look. when it was all over, it dawned on me that the glass that broke was over sixty years old. It belonged to a set my wife Barb and I received for our wedding. For years, we guarded the crystal set of wines, water, sherbets like they were sacred. eventually, after Barb died, I began to use the glasses every day. They were beautiful, pure thin glass without blemish, and had a unique hexagonal shaped stem. They rang with a harmonious chime when clinked with a knife or fork. The set remains partially intact as the dessert glasses and a few small wine goblets remain. What I have concluded is that I’ve been using the water glasses as my wine glass, the actual wine glass holds but a fraction of liquid as the water glass does. I liked the healthy amount of wine I drink using this glass.

Crystal Wine Glass Number 8–RIP

Drinking from the crystal allowed me to swirl the wine and determine the hold time for the wine to recede, thus giving me some information as to the quality of the beverage. When I hold the glass to the light I see the clarity and richness of the color, and when I poke my nose to the rim, I can smell the scents of the fruit, the barrel, and flavors emitted. All of this was included with a flash back of Barb telling me to be careful handling the glass. Often, I am reminded of the times when we, as a young family, sat at the supper table and enjoyed a bit of wine using the crystal. One time in particular Barb adventurously poured a bit of wine into the crystal glasses for our toddler children, Steve was four and Jacque was three. Jacque clenched the hexagonal stem in her chubby little fist and not realizing what she was holding squeezed her hand tightly not to drop our precious glass. As soon as she raised the glass to toast with us, I noticed the round bottom of the stem stayed on the table. Without alarm I quietly grabbed her tiny arm and helped her guide the glass away from the table where a sharp edged stump of stem awaited her hand to return. Luckily, there was no blood shed, and there was no panic to stress the child, but number one of a set of eight crystal wine glasses was dead. On this day some fifty-three years later I carelessly killed number eight.

PSA-220216-Wisdom for the Ages

  • The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless,
  • Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision. 
  • Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
  • Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at 60 than at age 6.
  • “The starting pay is $40,000. Later it can go up to $80,000.”
    • “Great, I’ll start later.”
  • Trust science. Studies show that if your parents didn’t have children there’s a high probability you won’t either. 
  • If you’re not called crazy when you start something new, then you’re not thinking big enough.
  • Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons, and no one asks – “What the Hell is wrong with you?” 
  • “I’m 85 and my body is full of aches and pains.”
    • “Well, I’m 85 and I feel like a newborn baby.”
  • “Really?”
    • “Yep, no teeth, no hair, and I just wet my pants.”
  • When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.
  • Tip: Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write, “Sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield. 
  • When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
  • Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”
  • Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
  • Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate one either.
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food; no atmosphere.
  • If you see me talking to myself just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
  • “Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo”.
  • I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine.
    • I’m aging like milk. Getting sour and chunky.
  • Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
  • I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. She’s 5 and it’s past her bedtime. 
  • Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
  • Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.
  • Sooo, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

I Think I Sent This Before

1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.

3. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

4. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.

5. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.

6. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.

7. When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, he gave me a blank stare.

8. Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

9. Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

10. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

11. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.

12. What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.

13. I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”

14. What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up her own incision? Suture self.

15. I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.