PUN-FUN

1.  Never buy flowers from a monk.  Only you can prevent florist friars. 

2.  How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?  A buccaneer.

3.  I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by.  I kneaded the dough. 

4.  My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet.’  It’s a cover band. 

5.  I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it. 

6.  Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c?  Because you can’t see in the dark. 

7.  Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?  Well, time will tell. 

8.  When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare. 

9.  Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.” 

10.  Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence. 

11.  Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering. 

12.  I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

PSA-210918-SENIOR WISDOM

My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness.  I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it.

“My bucket list:  keep breathing.

Camping:  where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “close enough.

“Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.

I’m a multi-tasker.  I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time!

At my funeral, take the bouquet from my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.

Retirement to do list:  Wake up. Nailed it!

I won’t say I’m worn out, but I don’t get near the curb on trash day.

Retired:  I don’t have grey hair.  I have wisdom highlights.

I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.

Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.

I don’t trip and fall, I do random gravity checks.

My heart says chocolate and wine, but my jeans say, please, please, please, eat a salad! 

I’d grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.

Losing weight doesn’t seem to be working for me, so from now I’m going to concentrate on getting taller.

 Some people are like clouds, once they disappear it’s a beautiful day.

My body is a temple, ancient and crumbling, perhaps cursed or haunted.

Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

PLEASE KEEP YOUR DISTANCE.  Nothing to do with virus.  I’m just a grouch.

I came.  I saw.  I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps.  Got lost on the way back.  Now I have no idea what’s going on.

This is my story and I’m sticking to it.

Lessons Learned From Life

I’ve learned….That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

 I’ve learned….That when you’re in love, it shows.

 I’ve learned ….That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

 I’ve learned….That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

 I’ve learned….That being kind is more important than being right.

 I’ve learned….That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

 I’ve learned….That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in any other way.

 I’ve learned….That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

 I’ve learned….That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

 I’ve learned….That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

 I’ve learned….That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

 I’ve learned….That money doesn’t buy class

 I’ve learned….That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

 I’ve learned…That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

 I’ve learned….That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

 I’ve learned….That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

 I’ve learned….That love, not time, heals all wounds.

 I’ve learned….That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

 I’ve learned….That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

 I’ve learned….That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

 I’ve learned….That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

 I’ve learned….That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

 I’ve learned…That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

 I’ve learned….That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

 I’ve learned….That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

 I’ve learned….That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

 I’ve learned….That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you’re hooked for life

 I’ve learned…That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

 I’ve learned….That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

  Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND.

Garden of Joe’s Eden

What the hell, why don’t I share something personal for a change? This blog is about me and my life, and not about generating huge readership numbers. Although I enjoy seeing stats that indicate that people read my writing. Most of the visitors and followers are interested in doing business. They join me just too generate numbers that will move them into monetization and money. Nothing wrong with that, but my aim is to generate catharsis from my own life decisions that back fire or worse yet don’t even make a dent. At least when I make a decision that sets me back I know I made change. It is the decision that doesn’t yield any form of movement that destroys me. They are wasted ideas and cost energy and time.

Today, I opened an email to myself which contained a group of photos that I took randomly about my garden. I love the colors of nature, they inspire me. Just a few evenings ago I looked out the kitchen window and saw a unique lighting situation that produced some really intense colors.

Two days ago I looked out and saw a sight that I will probably never see again. There was a swarm of dragon flies flitting all about the yard swooping, diving, soaring, and looking like purple martins having a feast on mosquitoes. One never knows what nature will gift me with next.

Here are some of the photos that turned me on:

The Movie Will Be Even Better

Wow! I just finished reading a lovely story based in Venice, Italy.The author Rhys Bowen held me spell bound throughout. Her story titled, The Venice Sketchbook spans several generations of family in England and Italy and begins just before World War Two. Lately I have been enamored by tales that involve the Big One. Ms Bowen’s characters are real and believable. The heroine is someone I wouldn’t mind dating myself. The theme of using artists, art, and Venice together kept my interest in this page turner. The plot of young love between a middle class English girl and a very rich and titled Italian boy stretches into middle age love. Life in Venice seemingly was untouched by war, that is until the Germans invaded Poland, France, Belgium, and began bombing England. That is when the real story begins, life suddenly became different.

I am an amateur artist and I studied art appreciation in my early college years. I still have a bent for the medium and more than ever frequent showings, and galleries and appreciate good artistic ability. To me this plot to put the central character into an art school in Venice filled a void in my mind.

I also love knowing about Italy. Another favorite story of mine is Under the Tuscan Sun by author Frances Mayes. The bucolic scenes painted of the in Tuscan countryside make me want to live there or at least visit. When combined with my recollections of twenty-four hours in Italy back in the nineties these stories are fueling my desire to travel and roam the countryside on a bicycle, or at least a Maserati, Ferrari, or Fiat.

The Venice Sketchbook is filled with complex plots told using a time traveler theme. An modern day English niece inherits her great aunt’s estate, and begins a quest to learn of her aunt’s mysterious past as a covert intelligence agent in WWII while trapped in Venice. Intertwined in both the past and present stories are love interests keeping the aunt’s and her niece’s lives interesting and alive.

I give this story five stars. * * * * *

I can’t wait to see the movie version.

Tracey J Boothe Publishing Blog

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