Tuesday Evening Giggles

A Little Humor for the Day

The devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you.” I whispered back, “Bring pizza.”

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house. 

It’s weird being the same age as old people. When I was a kid, I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.

Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.

It is probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

Never sing in the shower!  Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.  So remember…Don’t sing! 

I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance. 

If you can’t think of a word, say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.  

I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

Coronacoaster noun: the ups and downs of a pandemic.

One day you are loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks, and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like. 

I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet. 

I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.

I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.

At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in: “That’s a load of 2020.” or “What in the 2020.” or “abso-2020-lutely.” 

You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Success is a matter of choice not chance.  It’s your choice.

My Favorite TV Personality

In all the years I watched the TV program 60 Minutes I enjoyed the final five minutes the most. It was during those minutes that Andy Rooney did his part. In my opinion 60 Minutes can be trashed except for Andy Rooney’s segment.

Take two minutes to read these sayings and be sure to read all the way to
the bottom:

########################################################

*Written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so
few words.*
*Rooney has passed away but used to be on CBS’s 60 Minutes TV show.*

I’ve learned …
That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned …
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I’ve learned …
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful
feelings in the world.

I’ve learned …
That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I’ve learned …
That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve learned …
That money doesn’t buy class.

I’ve learned ….
That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.

  I’ve learned….
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned …
      That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to
help him in any other way.

      I’ve learned….
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a
friend to act goofy with.

      I’ve learned …
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to
understand.

      I’ve learned …
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I
was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve learned …
That life is like a roll of toilet paper.   The closer it gets to the end,
the faster it goes.

I’ve learned …
That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I’ve learned …
That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and
loved.

I’ve learned …
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

      I’ve learned …
      That when you plan to get even with someone,   you are only letting
that person continue to hurt you.

I’ve learned …
That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I’ve learned …
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with
people smarter than I am.

I’ve learned …
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

      I’ve learned …
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I’ve learned …
That life is tough, but I’m tougher.

      I’ve learned …
      That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you
miss.

I’ve learned …
That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before
she passed away.

      I’ve learned …
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he
may have to eat them.

I’ve learned….
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

      I’ve learned …
That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little
fist, you’re hooked for life.

I’ve learned …
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness
and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.

I’ve learned …
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

To all of you …
Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.

It’s National Friendship Week … Show your friends how much you care.
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND, even
if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you.  If it comes
back to you, then you’ll know you have a circle of friends.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP WEEK TO YOU!
YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED!

Socks, Socks, and More Socks

A couple of months ago I gave my Lions club the idea to collect socks for homeless people. I never in a million years imagined I would get the response that happened. We service the needy people of our community through a local township food pantry. I was surprised to learn that in a community as upscale as Frankfort, that there are 350 souls registered with them. My original proposal was to give each client of the food pantry a new pair of socks. The club board of directors gave me a green light to go ahead.

My first step was to solicit volunteers from the membership to join in on the fun. Fifteen Lions signed up for the project. We met virtually using ZOOM, and I explained the goal, one pair of new socks to every client of the food pantry. In my training as a manager during my working years it was highly recommended to use teams to do a job. Teams work smarter and their collective brainpower allows them to make better decisions.

Our first effort was to discuss how we would deal with buying socks, the vendors, getting quotes and discounts, etc. We switched the subject to how we would physically separate pre-packaged bundles of socks to donate. That discussion led to a new discussion of the goal. Why not save the effort of separating by giving each person a six-pack of new socks? All along, it was my intention to have the Lions purchase the socks and my emphasis was on selling a proposal to the board for how much money to ask for. That’s when the brainstorming went into high gear and in a matter of minutes we shifted from the Lions Club buying socks to getting the public to donate socks. The team loved this idea and in a matter of a few minutes had formulated a plan to get a sock collection underway.

One team member worked as a substitute teacher for the local school district. He thought this would make an exciting project for the school kids and would also teach a lesson. The remainder of us suggested various businesses to ask to be collection points. Another volunteered to spread the word on Facebook, and our website, another raised her hand to design a flyer. The wheels were turning, no, I mean they were spinning and smoking.

We met in another week, again virtually, and reviewed progress and filling in gaps. By the end of the first week, we emptied the collection boxes and sorted 670 pairs of socks. While we were spreading the news to the community, the Middle School Student Council challenged their classmates to a contest. The room that collects the most socks by the end of February wins a lunch time pizza party. This school turned on the other two schools in the District and they also began collections. Meanwhile, the second school district within our boundaries caught sock fever, and the Junior High began collecting. Not to be outdone the Key Club from the local high school also jumped in.

My part in this was to provide collection boxes for the community and the schools, eighty-five to be exact. I spun my wheels running between Home Depot and my shop to paste signs on the boxes designating them as Sock Drop points. We gave the drive a name; Care. Share. Give a Pair. This catchy phrase spread community wide via the local digital news-site, and on our local community TV.

As I write this we are a couple of days from the official end of the drive. At last count we had collected 5180 pairs of socks and we expect another two thousand to come in from the remaining schools and community boxes. Who would have thought? A simple idea that caught the imagination of a lot of people in the town. All of them pent up with energy from the COVID lockdown. All of them recognizing that their neighbors are in need and they are still in better shape than those in need.

At this moment the kids who won the contest are lunching on pizza supplied by another club member who owns the most popular pizza joint in town. In the meantime, the Lions are now facing a new problem, i.e where to donate the thousands of surplus socks. I love problems like that.

Where the is a need there is a Lion.

A Time To Remember; My Time

A Special Group – Born Between 1930 to 1945

   Interesting Facts: If you were born in the 1930s to 1945, you exist as a very special age group.

You are the smallest group of children born since the early 1900s.

You are the last generation, climbing out of the depression, who can remember the winds of war and the impact of a world at war which rattled the structure of our daily lives for years.

You are the last to remember ration books for everything from gas to sugar to shoes to stoves.

You saved tin foil and poured fat into tin cans.

You saw cars up on blocks because tires weren’t available.

You can remember milk being delivered to your house early in the morning and placed in the “milk box” on the porch.

You are the last to see the gold stars in the front windows of grieving neighbors whose sons died in the War.

You saw the ‘boys’ home from the war, build their little houses.

4.2.7

You are the last generation who spent childhood without television; instead, you imagined what you heard on the radio.

With no TV, you spent your childhood “playing outside”

There was no little league.

There was no city playground for kids.

The lack of television in your early years meant, that you had

little real understanding of what the world was like.

On Saturday afternoons, the movies gave you newsreels sandwiched in between westerns and cartoons.

Telephones were one to a house, often shared (party lines) and hung on the wall in the kitchen (no cares about privacy).

Computers were called calculators; they were hand cranked; typewriters were driven by pounding fingers, throwing the carriage, and changing the ribbon.

The ‘INTERNET’ and ‘GOOGLE’ were words that did not exist.

Newspapers and magazines were written for adults and the news was broadcast on your radio in the evening by Gabriel Heatter and later Paul Harvey.

As you grew up, the country was exploding with growth.

The G.I. Bill gave returning Veterans the means to get an education and spurred colleges to grow.

VA loans fanned a housing boom.

Pent up demand coupled with new installment payment plans opened many factories for work.

New highways would bring jobs and mobility.

The Veterans joined civic clubs and became active in politics.

The radio network expanded from 3 stations to thousands.

Your parents were suddenly free from the confines of the depression and the war, and they threw themselves into exploring opportunities they had never imagined.

You weren’t neglected, but you weren’t today’s all-consuming family focus.

They were glad you played by yourselves until the street lights came on.

They were busy discovering the post war world.

You entered a world of overflowing plenty and opportunity; a world where you were welcomed, enjoyed yourselves and felt secure in your future though depression poverty was deeply remembered.

Polio was still a crippler.

You came of age in the 50s and 60s.

The Korean War was a dark passage in the early 50s and by mid-decade school children were ducking under desks for Air-Raid training.

Castro in Cuba and Khrushchev came to power.

You are the last generation to experience an interlude when there were no threats to our homeland. The war was over and the cold war, terrorism, “global warming,” and perpetual economic insecurity had yet to haunt life with unease.

Only your generation can remember both a time of great war, and a time when our world was secure and full of bright promise and plenty.

You grew up at the best possible time, a time when the world was getting better…

     You are “The Last Ones.” More than 99 % of you are either retired or deceased, and you feel privileged to have “lived in the best of times!!!”

An Angel On the Block

This morning I slept late even though I went to bed early. My body must be sending me a signal. I lifted the shade next to my bed and saw a winter wonderland. It had snowed during the night and everything is covered in the white fluffy stuff. Oh well, I thought I won’t need a walk today, I’ll substitute shoveling.

I dressed, put on some coffee spiced with cinammon and scoured the fridge for breakfast. I decided my Keto meal would consist of soft boiled eggs, a hunk of Romano cheese, three slices of bacon, and a small cluster of green grapes, yummy. My plan was to eat, dress for outside, and to move snow. I peeked outside and saw a miracle. My entire driveway and the walks in front of the house were absolutely clean, a miracle, or at least a giant good deed by a neighbor. I looked to the left, the neighbor’s walks and drive were still under snow, the same held for the right, but there across the street was a very clean drive and walkways. I spied the remnants of a trail leading from the street toward my drive. It was Tom, he is the angel. Thank you Tom.

Morty Angel on Skye Scooter

That act of mercy left me with more time to kill in front of my computer sitting on my stagnant ass processing KETO into fat instead of using KETO to burn fat.

Yesterday was Friday, and I thought why not treat myself to a home cooked meal?  I haven’t cooked in a couple of weeks so I won that debate with myself. The meal would be Chicken Paprikas over one serving of rotini. It turned out delicious and I was pleased. By making rotini I saved the effort of making the usual companion piece of home made egg dumplings called nokedli. Had I made the nokedli I am certain the portion size would have been much larger than that of the rotini. That difference would have kicked me out of ketosis and ruined a week of dieting.

Now it is time to bundle up and take a walk in the fresh clean winter air.

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