Car In My Dreams

Last week I watched a series of Youtube videos on enterprises begun by Elon Musk. In one particular business he showed Tesla making lithium batteries. They looked like a standard D cell. I thought to my self “is the Tesla car running on a shitload of D cells?” It would be interesting to break open a Tesla battery to see what was inside the case. Many times my curiosity has gotten the best of me when disposing of a large rectangular battery. Instead of tossing it I would take it apart. Inside the boxlike case was a series of standard batteries soldered together in series to produce the stated voltage.

This particular video came to mind and I thought why not? Why couldn’t we make a battery powered car by stringing a bunch of standard batteries together and hiding them under the hood and in the trunk?

Surrogate President?

Here is my advice to you. Pull your knee high rubber boots on, and get your muck rake ready. It seems our president in name only (PINO) has hired Actor Tom Hanks to deliver a pseudo the State of the Union speech. I will not watch Tom, nor will I watch Joe if he has the nerve to deliver such a speech. I have reached the point where I am asking my friends who they would rather have as president: Joe Biden or Kamala Harris? There is only silence. Okay, how about Joe Biden or Barack Obama? There is even more silence. Finally, I ask how about Joe Biden or Hillary? At that point I am ready to duck a punch.

No one will watch any more speeches delivered by Joe but perhaps they will watch his surrogate Tom, especially if the speech is delivered as a short commercial narration written by the Democratic National Committee explaining how much better the country is under Joe’s leadership. The stints will appear as commercials on major news networks. How could we not watch when we are really awaiting the weather forecast, or a sports score, and Tom Hanks appears to tell us how wonderful a president Joe is.

It’ll be good to hear how Joe has fulfilled his campaign promise to defeat COVID, or how he will lower gas prices, reduce run away inflation, and stop the flow of illegal immigration at the border, and turn these everyday human hardships into government acts of mercy propagated to save the world by preventing Antarctica from melting, and drowning us all.

Wisdom From the Masters

1.        In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.— John   Adams
 2.  If you don ‘t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.— Mark   Twain
 3.  Suppose you were an   idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then, I repeat   myself.— Mark   Twain
 4.  I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.— Winston   Churchill
 5.  A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.— George Bernard Shaw
 6.  A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.— G. Gordon   Liddy
 7.  Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.— James Bovard, Civil   Libertarian (1994)
 8.  Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.— Douglas Casey,   Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown   University
 9.  Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.— P.J. O ‘Rourke,   Civil Libertarian
 10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.— Frederic Bastiat,   French economist(1801-1850)
 11.  Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.— Ronald Reagan   (1986)
 12.  I don ‘t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the   facts.— Will Rogers
 13.  If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free!— P.J. O ‘Rourke
 14.  In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.— Voltaire   (1764)
 15.  Just because you do not take an interest in politics, doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you!— Pericles (430   B.C.)
 16.  No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.— Mark Twain   (1866)
 17. Talk is cheap …. Except when Congress does it.—   Anonymous
 18.  The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.— Ronald   Reagan
 19.  The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.— Winston   Churchill
 20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.— Mark Twain
 21.  The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.— Herbert Spencer,   English Philosopher (1820-1903)
 22.  There is no distinctly Native American criminal class …. Save Congress.— Mark  Twain
 23.  What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.— Edward Langley,   Artist (1928-1995)
 24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.— Thomas   Jefferson
 25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.—   Aesop

Humor From the North

Last Minute Shopping

Like all good men I deferred shopping for Christmas gifts until the last possible moment. Today, I was reminded why I haven’t shopped at a mall in over twenty years. With a new wife in mourning over the loss of her only child going through our first Christmas together, and her first Christmas without him, I thought it might be wise to buy her a little something. This morning I left to go shopping after meeting with a Notary and signing 150 pages of refinancing documents. I figured after that experience shopping would be simple. WRONG!

For once I had some gift ideas in mind and I was determined to fulfill them. I learned while listening to her grandson that Lovely likes a perfume by Givenchy. I searched the internet for where to buy it, Macy’s came up. Luckily there is a Macy’s near us in the town of Orland Park. That also clued me to the fact that this tiny bottle of scented liquid will be costly.

I routed myself via a little known street that goes north and south to the Orland Mall. The main route is fast but there is so much traffic on that road that fast is only a dream. My route was slow and steady, but got me there within twenty minutes. I parked on the East side of the building where there are fewer people entering. That was also a good move because I entered directly into the store and followed my nose to the perfume department. That is when I hit the wall. One would think they were giving the stuff away there were so many people, 99% women, and me. I asked one lady where I could find Givenchy she told me to turn left and head for the wall. I did, no one there knew where Givenchy was. I felt like a cue ball bouncing around as I hit the rubber bumpers from one counter an another. Finally, on the sixth ask, I found a lady who looked at me and said “here,” but we are sold out.” I gave her a dumb stare and decided to be charitable she only works there and she wasn’t responsible for inventory management.

A new scene unfolded as I began searching for a new scent to buy. The clerk sprays a business card with the smell and I was expected to like it or not. On the fourth one, my smeller was totally neutered and it could have been dog excrement and I would have said “yes that is the one.” Well it didn’t actually smell like dog crap so I bought it. The sales clerk bagged it all pretty in tissue paper and stuffed it into an oversize Macy’s bag. I ran from the store into the main mall. Luckily I quickly found the next place I wanted to visit, Victoria’s Secret. Two steps into the store a hot young thing with a bare midriff latched onto me and off we went to the undie department. My lovely was perusing a catalog a few days ago and stopped at an ad offering 5 pairs of undies for under $10, “buy them,” I said. “No, no” she said, they are too expensive. Well, I found a deal at 5 for $35. I never realized that women’s underwear has more styles, designs, and fabrics than Carter has pills. After about fifteen agonizing minutes selecting five of the same thing in different colors I said, “I’ll take them, now what?” The hot thing shoved them into a crude bag and said take them to the next room there’s a line. I did and almost balked. The line was ten people long and social distanced.

When it was my turn I landed at the teller window staffed by a nice young black girl that was very well endowed. She wore a black blouse that exposed her belly and was held together by one button positioned half way between her boobs and her belly button. The two girls bulged out looking for a chance to escape to freedom. I was never so anxious to pay for something and to get the hell out of there.

One thing I noticed is that all the sales girls were made up alike. They wore lots of eye shadow, had eyelashes long enough to sweep the floor, and their nails were catlike but done exquisitely. The crowds were large and buying stuff, not like last Christmas when we were in COVID mode.

I vowed that if I survive until Christmas 2022 that I will again avoid shopping centers, and buy my stuff online.

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