ZZZZZZZZZ

In the past week I have lost my blog-post twice by falling asleep at the keyboard. Both of them were ready to post.I wake up and the post is gone. Damn, grrrr! The only way I can think about this situation is that neither of the posts were worth your time to read. Some force of nature struck them down and I am a better man for it.

Finding meaningful subjects to write about is difficult on some days. On other’s I have several topics in queue. Today is a day where I’m struggling to make sense of what and why I am writing. The best thing is to cut it short and go take a real nap. I’ll be back later.

PSA-200812-Seniorisms

TWELVE COMMANDMENTS FOR SENIORS

#1 – Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.

#2 – “In Style” are the clothes that still fit. 

#3 – You don’t need anger management. You need people to stop making you mad. 

#4 – Your people skills are just fine. It’s your tolerance for idiots that needs work. 

#5 – The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.” 

#6 – “On time” is when you get there. 

#7 – Even duct tape can’t fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound. 

#8 – It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

#9 – Lately, You’ve noticed people your age are so much older than you. 

#10 – Growing old should have taken longer. 

#11 – Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn’t shut you up. 

#12 – You still haven’t learned to act your age, and hope you never will. 

And one more:

“One for the road” means going to the bathroom before you leave the house.

 AMEN

Puns Too Long To Get

 1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years   of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.
Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” 
“But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested.
“Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!”
Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star,
makes no difference who you are.”

———————

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire, and so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

———————

3. A man rushed into a busy doctor’s surgery and shouted, “Doctor! I think I’m shrinking!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”

———————

4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the Medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out
a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief,
telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, “The thong is ended,
but the malady lingers on.”

———————-

5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely, saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”

———————-

6. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one Slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy.
The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
———————–

7. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.
When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don’t need enemas.”

PSA-200730-Questions and Answers

Funnies!  😷

Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under “Fiction”.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done, you will have a place to live.

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-70 year-old husband?

A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles? 

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.

Q: Why should 70-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 70-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem. Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eyeglasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: “Gosh, I remember these!”

COVID-19 Cruise

Whaat? Again?

After two years of faithful and reliable service my hearing aid finally crapped out completely. Not both of them only one. It is the unit with the volume control button. Nothing works, nada. A phone call to the audiologist has left me longing for pre-covid days. She is either so busy that she can’t answer the phone, or she isn’t even open.

I am seriously considering calling another audiologist for help. If I do it will be with another brand. I’m certain that an appointment will mean buying new aids again. Heaven help they should fix the ones I have.

Suddenly watching tv is no longer enjoyable. That is because I have to turn the sound up so loud the neighbors are banging on my door to stop making so much noise. With the Bluetooth connection gone I am at a loss to stream phone calls, TV, and radio into my ears directly. That is one technology that I really enjoy, when it works.

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