PSA-171117-Philosophy?

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

♦ I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number.

 

PSA-170414-Wisdom

Andy Rooney was a very wise man. Every week I looked forward to his reports on Sixty Minutes. Usually, he said in five minutes stuff that was better than the previous fifty-five.
Here are some of the things he offered us.
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I’ve learned….That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
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I’ve learned….That when you’re in love, it shows.
I’ve learned ….That just one person saying to me, ‘You’ve made my day!’ makes my day.
I’ve learned….That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I’ve learned….That being kind is more important than being right. 
I’ve learned….That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I’ve learned….That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in any other way.
I’ve learned….That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I’ve learned….That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I’ve learned….That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I’ve learned….That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I’ve learned….That money doesn’t buy class.
I’ve learned….That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I’ve learned…That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I’ve learned….That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I’ve learned….That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I’ve learned….That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I’ve learned….That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I’ve learned….That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I’ve learned….That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I’ve learned….That life is tough, but I’m tougher.
I’ve learned….That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I’ve learned….That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I’ve learned….That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
I’ve learned….That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I’ve learned….That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I’ve learned….That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you’re hooked for life.
I’ve learned….That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
I’ve learned….That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

I Love You So!

During America’s Bicentennial celebration in 1976, I was the Scoutmaster of Boy Scout troop number 1776 from Alsip, Illinois. I proudly led the troop to Owasippi Scout Reservation owned by the Chicago Area Council near Whitehall, Michigan. Going to scout camp for two weeks was a big adventure and during the bicentennial it was even more so.

At the final ceremonial campfire the older scouts led us in song. It is then I heard for the first time what I consider to be one of the most beautiful songs I ever heard. The Senior Scout taught us the simple lyrics and melody. He divided us into groups and then led the song in round. The camp fire, and the starry night sky, created an ambiance of pride in America. We left the campfire in silent reverence after singing this stirring song. I am sorry that I could not find a video or recording to feature, but here are the lyrics.

Happy birthday America.

America, America,
How can I tell you, How I feel?
You have given me many treasures,
I love you so.

America, America,
Land of hope and liberty,
Freedom rings from every mountain,
From sea to sea

Take Outs

This morning I opened my email and found this gem from an engineer friend. For those of you who are close to my age, you will appreciate this wisdom, and for those of you too young to know what it means to live with all of the things that you have taken away from life, good luck. I wish you success in the enjoyment you have brought upon yourselves.

Grumpa Joe

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YES, THIS IS US!!
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not try to blame others.
HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT senior citizens who took:

The melody out of music,
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement or God out of government and school.
And we certainly are NOT the ones who eliminated patience and tolerance from personal relationships and interactions with others!!
And, we DO understand the meaning of patriotism, and remember those who have fought and died for our country.

5063130-Senior-couple-having-fun-playing-video-games--Stock-Photo-elderly

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

SENIOR CITIZEN!

I’m the life of the party…..Even if it lasts until 8 p.m.
I’m very good at opening childproof caps…..With a hammer.
I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I’m smiling all the time, because I can’t hear a thing you’re saying.
I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a safe secure place, somewhere.
I’m wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just my left leg.
I’m beginning to realize that aging is not for wimps.

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Yes, I’m a SENIOR CITIZEN, and I think I am having the time of my life!

mobility-scooter-hire
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I wouldn’t send it back to them. Or, maybe I should send it to all my friends anyway.
They won’t remember, even if they did send it.
Spread the laughter
Share the cheer
Let’s be happy
While we’re here.

MAY GOD BLESS US
AND MAY WE
CONTINUE TO THANK GOD !!

Writing for the Sake of Writing

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The wine buzz tonight is taking my head into a tail spin. I guess three glasses of wine is too much for my feeble brain to handle. I just read a chapter of my book to Peg, and for once she didn’t fall asleep. Either the story was good, or she was awake. Earlier we went to a local place called Ryan’s Pub for a wine, and some fish. Being it is Friday during lent it is a meat less day. Ryan’s is a mile and a half from our house, and we have driven past it for ten years without ever going in to check it out. Well my virginity is gone, we walked through the portals for the Friday night fish fry. Lo and behold I spy my friend Al sitting at the bar when we walk in. This is better than I imagined. I ordered a Cab for my self, and a lemonade for Peg, and two Walleye dinners to go. We kibitzed with Al while we waited. I’m telling Al and Peg that the last time I was in this place was thirty years ago for a going away party for an engineer from work. Don’t ask me who was leaving I don’t remember, but I do remember the place. It hasn’t changed much in thirty years. Then I proceeded to talk about my old friend Pat from work who owned the place with his daily presence. He lives right around the corner a block away. A few minutes later a short thin guy with bowed legs, white beard, cowboy boots, and cowboy hat walks in. I ask the barkeeper Heather if that is Pat. She says “it sure is.”

I walk over to him fortified by four ounces of Cab, and greet him with “Hey you old bowlegged sum-na-bitch how are ya doin?” He looks at me with a long dumb look. “You remember me don’t ya?”

“Yeah, but I don’t remember your name.”

“It is me , Joe from Panduit.”

“Oh yes I remember now.”

First impressions hit hard sometimes, and when I looked into Pat’s face I saw an old man, a very old man, a lot older than I ever remembered him to look. Pat was a vigorous young tool-maker who grew up in suburban Harvey, Illinois and moved to live in Tucson, Arizona for a several years. He loved it there, and never got away from the cowboy look. He returned to Chicago to work at the Panduit plant in Tinley Park for his old school chum Roy Moody. Before Pat moved to Arizona he was a motorcycle racer. He loved speed on two wheels, and loved the adrenaline rush he got from speeding shoulder to shoulder around a clay track at ninety miles per hour. Of course his knees are shot, and he has lots of broken bones to his credit. When the weather was right he rode a motorcycle, when the weather wasn’t right he drove a pick up truck. He and his wife raised two kids on a mini-ranch in Frankfort, IL. He still lives there.

One of the most spectacular wakes I ever went to was for Pat’s first wife Bev. She and he were riding home on his Harley one Sunday night about ten p.m. with the Bike Club when a rider in front of him lost control,and began swinging in broad “esses” across the road in front of him. Pat T-boned him going sixty mph. The two bikes went in different directions. Pat’s wife who sat behind him like a proud Harley Girl went flying over his head and landed on her neck, crunch! She was dead with a broken neck.

Pat was President of his Bike Club and his wife was first lady. She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever laid my eyes on, and now she was dead at age thirty-five. The wake was in Frankfort at Gerardi’s Funeral home. Back then Frankfort didn’t have more than twenty-five hundred people and Gerardi’s was a small place. Because Pat and I worked together my wife Barb and I attended the wake. At the time we lived in Alsip twenty miles north of Frankfort. We approached Frankfort on US Route 30 from the east. I noticed many Harley riders going the opposite way. We knew when we arrived at Gerardi’s because there were motorcycles parked two inches apart wrapped around the entire building. I remember saying that if I kicked the first bike they would all fall over like dominos. The line of people attending the wake wrapped around the building too. We assumed our place in line and patiently waited. A number of big brawny Harley guys carried Pat out into the parking lot on a chair for him to get some air. His wife was dead, and he looked like he rolled over the road for a mile or two before he finally came to rest. Lots of black and blue with red raw abrasions on his arms and swollen head. He didn’t look too healthy, but he was alive. The big guys set him down in the center of the lot. The line of people walked past him to the parlor. He sat there swilling a beer accepting condolences like a man who has lost his partner in a bike accident.

Inside the Parlor, we finally got to pass Bev’s coffin. She wore her best Harley attire. Her black leather Jacket with the club emblem was hanging on the kneeler in front of the casket on display. She looked as beautiful as ever.

Funny what memories a little Cab, and a chance meeting of an old friend will induce.

In Memorium

The first day of spring came and went with a whimper. The weather was cool and somewhat grey. It was a good day for me, I finally wrote another chapter of my book British American Colonies. I washed some clothes, and did a few house chores. I am still reeling from the dry wall dust stirred up when Miguel fixed my disaster in the living room. At eleven pm it was time to check out and go to bed. As I always do, I plugged my phone into the charger. The screen lit up and I noticed a message from my son in Texas. I couldn’t go to bed without reading what he had to say. I read it and cried. I’ll share his message with you here:

Today was the first day of Spring as well as Rooke’s last day with us. We took him to the vet about 5pm and put him down. HIs condition, degenerative myelopathy really kicked in this week. He was on daily watch this week, and (we, sic) made the decision to take him today while everyone was home. We were all there except for Abbey, she opted out. He went peacefully with his family right next to him. He’s in a much better place now. Rooke (a.k.a “Rookis”, “Blue”) was the best dog I’ve ever had. His character, mannerisms, temperament and loyalty were truly amazing.

Rooke

Rooke, May 2005-March 20, 2015

 

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When I first met Rook ten years ago he was the cutest little pup one could imagine with floppy ears, a cocked head and a dynamo of energy. Rook grew quickly and became the meanest looking German Shepard I have ever seen. His black color and wide powerful chest gave him an air of intimidation. People stepped aside when Rook walked his Master. Trust me, no one would ever even think about harming a family member when this jet black patrol dog was on duty, and that was 24/7. The only white color he had on his body was the white of his eyes. As you can tell by the photo the white of his eyes were not visible very often. There is no way in hell I would have tested him by entering my son’s house in the dark.

What no one except us knew about Rook was his gentle side. He was a pussy cat with all of us. He loved to walk, and took his master’s for a three to five-mile walk nearly every day. When he wasn’t pulling them along with his chain link leash, he loved to chase a ball and play fetch. His favorite game with me was to bring a rubber toy, and drop it by my feet. Then he stared at that toy until I quickly kicked it from under his nose. Every time I kicked the ball he picked it off  within inches of my toe. It wasn’t until last June that I beat him a couple of times, and made him turn and run, but still he had the damn thing within six feet. He prided himself in not losing the ball, ever. He never tired of the game, and could play non-stop for a day, but I couldn’t.

Rook is the first dog I ever fell in love with. My family has owned and cared for many dogs of many different breeds, but Rook is my all time favorite.

 

Words That Make You Think

A friend from my book club sent this post titled

“Philosophers of this Century.”  

I thought it good enough to share.

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ATT00058

  ~ John Glenn…

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder

ATT00061

~ Desmond Tutu…
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land.
They said ‘Let us pray.’ We closed our eyes.
When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.

ATT00064

~ David Letterman…
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.

ATT00067

~ Howard Hughes…
I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I’m a billionaire.

ATT00070

~ Old Italian proverb…
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.

ATT00073

~ Betsy Salkind…
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.ATT00076

~ Jean Kerr…
The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.

ATT00079

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor…

I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.

ATT00082

~ Jeff Foxworthy…
You know you’re a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn’t.

ATT00085

~ Prince Philip…
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.

ATT00088

~ Emo Philips…
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

ATT00091

~ Harrison Ford…
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.

ATT00094

~ Spike Milligan…
The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.

ATT00097

~ Robin Hall…

Lawyers believe a person is innocent until proven broke.

ATT00100

~ Jean Rostand…
Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror

ATT00103

~ Arnold Schwarzenegger…
Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.

ATT00106

~ WH Auden…
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.

ATT00109

~ Jonathan Katz…
In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked

ATT00112

~ Johnny Carson…
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.

ATT00115

~ Warren Tantum… (School photo album).
I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical

ATT00118

~ Steve Martin…
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap

ATT00121

~ Jimmy Durante…
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.

ATT00124

~ Doug Hanwell…
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.

ATT00127

~ George Roberts…
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone

ATT00130

~ Jonathan Winters…
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.

ATT00133

~ Robert Benchley…
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

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