PSA-181112-English for the Advanced Student

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You think English is easy??  
 
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

 
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

 
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

 
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?  

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’?

PSA-181108-Punny Stuff

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1.     The meaning of opaque is unclear.
2.      I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
3.      Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time-consuming.
4.      A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!
5.      I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.
6.      If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.
7.      It’s a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters, but I can Sumurais it for you.
8.      It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle; he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
9.      So what if I don’t know the meaning of the word “apocalypse”? It’s not the end of the world.
10.    Police were called to the daycare center. A three-year-old was resisting a rest.
11.    The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
12.    Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
13.    Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
14.    I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
15.    Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
16.    Did you know they won’t be making yardsticks any longer?
17.    I used to be allergic to soap, but I’m clean now.
18.    The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
19.    What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? “The suspension is killing me.”
20.    Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!
21.    My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.
22.    What is a thesaurus’s favorite dessert? Synonym buns.
23.    A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
24.    There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
25.    How do they figure the price of hammers? Per pound

Deconstruct America?

 

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I hear the word reform being used by politicians and news pundits almost daily. Most of the time they are discussing the USA immigration policy. Another word they use even more often than reform is broken, “our immigration laws are broken,” etc. The action I see people taking, however, does not fit the definition of reform. For instance, the caravan of 14,000 invaders marching northward from Central America to take advantage of the “broken” system. These soldiers are not reforming America to improve it, they are marching to wriggle in through a crack in the system to take it over.

All of this got me to thinking about how they really want to change America. What the people in organized groups like la Raza want is a deconstruction of America. What do I mean by that? An open border existed from the beginning of time when neanderthals roamed the earth until the day Mexico lost a war with the USA and the outcome was a line drawn in the sand and water dividing two groups of people into two distinct countries. Before that the Spaniards landed on the West coast and decided to civilize the Mayans, Aztecs, Apaches, and all the other native people’s who lived and roamed freely between the territory now split into two. They didn’t need borders because they decided all of the land was theirs. I have to give it to the Spaniards because they left America with a legacy that the natives all love and thrive on, i.e. language, and religion. Yet, the further south one travels from Mexico into the isthmus connecting North to South America we begin to see borders. In that tiny space defined by the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, North and South America there are seven countries all speaking Spanish and living in similar cultures. Going across the Panama canal one enters South America also largely inhabited by Spanish-speaking people. There are borders defining all of these countries. The natives move somewhat freely from country to country without much ado. All one needs is to carry his official identification papers.

Why doesn’t la Raza make a big to-do about all the borders in these territories? Probably because if the natives follow the rules and carry their ID’s they can pass freely. What I don’t understand is why these same natives refuse to follow laws when they move northward. All a person needs to get into the U.S. is a VISA.

Going back to my original reason for this essay, after the border is erased and all remnants of the wall are destroyed Mexican and Central Americans will want their territory back. “The Mexican Cession consisted of present-day U.S. states of California, Nevada, Utah, most of Arizona, about half of New Mexico, about a quarter of Colorado, and a small section of Wyoming.” Now, we’re talking some serious real estate.

To continue the deconstruction of the United States (US) the next move will be to give the Louisiana Purchase back to France. That moves the border to the middle of the Mississippi river. The tribes of North America ( and those from the south would reestablish their warring rivalries as they beat each other up to find food, women, and exercise their warrior status. Right around the same time we negotiated the deal with France we bought some property from Spain called Florida. In our project to deconstruct the US we’ll also have to give Florida back to Spain. Didn’t they own all of North America from Utah south into South America? Gosh they were land hogs?  “The Spanish expression la Raza (literally ‘the Race’) refers to the Hispanophone populations (primarily though not always exclusively in the Western Hemisphere) . . . . ”

I almost forgot, before we go further we should sever Hawaii and Alaska from the Union and give them back to their rightful owners. Who is that? Hawaii was a kingdom when Captain Cook discovered it. Afterwards the islands were settled by farmers from many countries, but most from the US. So we would have to concede Hawaii back to the natives who could reestablish a kingdom and reinstitute their practice of human sacrifice. As an aside, Hawaiians recently voted to dissociate itself from the Union. Voters rejected the idea unanimously.

President Seward made a deal with the Russians to buy Alaska, and paid an outlandish fifteen millions dollars for it. The deal became know as Seward’s Folly. The Russians would gladly take Alaska back from us and use it to threaten us with mayhem of their design.

The next phase of deconstruction will make the “Treaty of Paris officially ending the War of Independence. . . ” null and void. The Treaty of Paris also defined “. . .  the boundaries of the new nation: the Atlantic Ocean on the East; the Mississippi River on the West; Canada on the North; and Spanish Florida on the South.”

The project doesn’t end with the thirteen colonies belonging to Great Britain. We will have to go back to Columbus and remove all traces of colonization by Great Britain, Spain, France, Holland, and other European countries that were greedy for land and power.

What is currently happening is a war between the Spanish colonies and the American colonies. The Spanish legacy continues to spread its language and religion northward.

What I was hoping to do by writing this piece is to define for myself the root cause of the border migration.  It hasn’t really shed any new light on my thinking. One point that is evident is that the Spanish legacy within Mexico and Latin America is very strong. Is it because the people who evolved from the Spanish incursion have a grudge to even? Are they purposefully getting back at the United States for the atrocities committed on them by Spanish conquerors?

Is it racism? the term la Raza (the Race) certainly points to racism as a reason to conquer the border. Certainly in this day of racial division we don’t need another divide, but we have it, and it doesn’t seem to be getting easier to assimilate into one bunch of united and happy people’s. Or is this just one of many ways to pick on the world’s number one country? Leaders have always competed against upstarts that feel they have a better way to lead, govern, expand, enlighten, or enrich.( I deliberately left out pillage, rape, and kill because we are better than that today, or are we?)

At this point in history, the US is being attacked from many angles by ideologies and causes. Which will prevail? The reason America is exceptional is because of its Constitution and the dedication to maintaining it as a system of governance. The liberties afforded our citizens have allowed the country to grow and increase in wealth. We are not locked into socialism which restricts people from expanding themselves. We are free to choose our own destiny by how we do business, how we worship, or how we adhere to our laws.  We choose to  move freely across our state borders without any need for a Visa, passport, or ID’s. our currency is uniform, and our language is uniform. We have some minor cultural differences, but none that restrict any of us from doing what we please.

The USA has invested heavily in infrastructure nationwide, and this has enabled us to expand our businesses and to roam freely about the country. We don’t worry if the water is safe to drink when we move to another state, it is safe. We get the same emergency treatment at hospitals and on the road. We never worry about language barriers, or currency differences. Food is readily available because of entrepreneurs who operate cafe’s or run franchises. Safety is uniformly taught and practiced. Our police and fire departments are noted for their efficiency. The list of reasons why we are a great country is immense.

In the US a single person is defined as living in poverty if he lives on less than $32.87 per day. In Mexico the same person lives in poverty at $5.23 per day, and in Central America that same person lives on $4.00 per day. To me this is the root cause of the  problem. These people are starving and need a meal. They want to come to America out of desperation and need. They really love living where they were born, but between gangs and starvation they take desperate measures to survive, like walking two thousand miles in flip-flops to make it to the promised land. The problem is that they need a VISA and no one has told them that. It is rumored that political factions within the US spread the word that all they have to do is show up and seek asylum. Except, even asylum seekers have rules to follow and they break them when they arrive. Asylum is granted by the first country beyond the one you live in. A caravaner from Honduras has passed through Guatemala and Mexico before he arrives at the US border. As an attempt to appease President Trump, Mexico offered asylum to the group, but only a small handful accepted the deal, the rest are going for the brass ring.

What is the answer? Deconstruct the United States and start all over again. That will transfer the  problem to the nut jobs that are working overtime to destroy the US. The final answer will be equal misery for everyone, except of course the people in charge.

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