Is It Just Me?

DNA Links Snipes to Yoda

It seems that we are seeking the answers in the wrong places. If we want to find collusion between the USA and another country trying to influence our elections we should follow this lead. Dr. Brenda Snipes the election judge in Broward County Florida has connections with an interplanetary source. The source exposed in the movie Star Wars is trying to swing the planet into a socialist-orb. Dr. Snipes has done an outstanding job of confusing election results and manipulating ballots in a way that can only be explained by a seer such as Yoda. Rumor has it that Yoda is related to Ms Snipe. 

Why else would a credible Democrat election official be pointed at as incompetent, and derelict in her duties to certify an election within the lawfully specified time allotted for counting unless she is under the spell of Yoda? Could Yoda have been chosen to swing the election to the dark side?Special Prosecutor Mueller should be directed to investigate if there is collusion between Trump and the Death Star. Did Trump engage Yoda to interfere with the election to eliminate Hillary from contention?

CNN is tracking the connection between Snipes and Yoda. At this point, CNN reporter Jim LaCostraNostra has learned that George Soros is the only one old enough to be able to point at Yoda as a suspect. If this connection is made and verified it will mean Hillary is the rightful President, and all of Trump’s actions as President are invalid. All of Hillary’s policies will come into effect retroactively. Among them Past President Obama will return to the administration in the position of Darth Veeder. His first act will be to execute Trump with his light saber by public decapitation.

It is time for this author to sign off and to seek nourishment and stimulation for his brain cells. It seems his imagination has run amok. Could it be that Yoda has secretly invaded his brain and caused him to bare this ugly truth? 

Time for some decaf coffee and nuts.

It’s Baaack!

This morning I awoke and peeked out he window at the 2013 Monet Vision. It looked the best it did all year-long. Bathed in white it looked better than the white theme I tried to make this year. For the past twenty years I have commented on the pussy winters we have had, but this year promises to become the winter I know and hate, . . er I mean love. When you live in Illinois you have to love winter or you are not worthy of living here.

This week we experienced the joy of breathing below zero temps and decided that Arizona looks pretty good. Then it snowed three times counting today. The first was a shoveler. That’s a powdery snow fall that is less than two inches deep and it is not worthy of wasting gas in the snow blower, so shovel I did.  The next day, it snowed again. Another powdery one inch not worthy of a blow job. In fact, because I had a doctor appointment early, it didn’t even get a shovel job. This morning when I opened the garage door there was nine inches of powdery snow in front of me: Hear that all you guys who moved to Arizona, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina and Florida? This was definitely worth a blow job. Except, my blower was not ready. I had it serviced, I had fresh gas, but I removed the blower-chute when I stuffed the machine into the trunk to take it for service. The winters have been so pussy, that I kept gambling on not needing to get it completely functional. It took fifteen minutes to install the chute and three pulls to get it going strong

Lucky for me the Frankfort snowplow had not yet come by to fill the driveway with a block worth of snow moving at forty miles per hour. My trusty Honda, inherited from my son who moved to snow-less Houston, moved right through the powdery stuff. The temp measured 31.4 degrees F at my front porch.

I had about 90% of the driveway completed when I noticed the snow was no longer flying out the chute. Instead, it packed into the chute and didn’t clean very well at all. The temperature was now above 32 degrees and the snow was, as we used to say as kids, “good packing.” That meant it is perfect for making snowballs and snow men.

It took about an hour to finish the drive and the walk in front of my house and the walks in front of the neighbors on each side of me. A few years ago, this would have taken me less than forty minutes and I would have had a great workout. This time, it took much longer and it tired me out completely. That is Nature’s way of telling me that the old bod’ ain’t what it was a few years ago. I guess it is the result of too many glasses of Cabernet and endless hours in front of the computer doing absolutely nothing.

After clearing the front, I tackled the patio to gain access to the bird feeders. There wasn’t a single dove, cardinal, or sparrow in sight. Must be the snow, I thought, until I heard the screeching call of a hawk. He sat in a tree observing the action around the feeders. I reveled at the sound of his call as he obstinately stayed perched and screeching high above me. I was shoveling a path around the post feeder and the hanging feeder at the window when I spotted Grandma Peggy peering out keeping the hawk under surveillance. Now that’s neat, a predator observing his prey while being observed by a constable protecting the prey. The look on Peggy’s face was enough to scare any hawk from the area.

I took some pictures with my phone and declared the 2013 Monet Vision had finally achieved a state of  beauty worthy of talking about. Remember, Churchill said, “never, never, never, never give up.” I’m glad I didn’t because the garden finally looks good.

IMG_0954

2013 Monet Vision in December looking at the waterlessfall

IMG_0955

The Hawk keeps surveilance

IMG_0956

Snow Angel

IMG_0953

2013 Monet Vision in December looking at the bird tower

IMG_0960

Grandma Peggy keeps her eye on the hawk

IMG_0947

Front Drive

IMG_0948

Walkways

IMG_0951

My flag Flies Everyday

IMG_0949 IMG_0950 IMG_0952 IMG_0957 IMG_0958 IMG_0959

IMG_0851

2013 Monet Vision September reference

Live Without Regrets

img006

I just closed the cover of a beautiful story about a Medal of Honor Winning Viet Nam Veteran titled “The Reunion”. The last chapter brought tears streaming down my face. Author Dan Walsh has crafted a complicated plot that comes together to make a wonderful read. The story is about Arron Miller, the medal awardee, and a would be author Dave Russo. Russo is seeking Viet Nam hero’s to interview for a book to honor his father killed in Viet Nam when he comes upon Aaron Miller. Veteran Miller is living as a dirt poor maintenance man at an obscure trailer park in Florida. Miller’s wife divorced him after he came home with the demons of drug and alcohol addiction. He lives with regret for not having contact with his kids.

Two days ago I went to the library to find a good story to read. I spotted this cover immediately, but continued perusing the latest, newest editions shelves for something to piqué my interest. After about fifteen minutes, I checked out with the very first book I saw. It was a wise choice as I enjoyed the story, and finished reading it in two days. Usually, it takes me ten days to finish a book, unless it really captures my fancy, and this one did. I recommend everyone, but especially my Viet Nam vet friends to read this story, it will lift you.

The Meaning of Life

Jalapeno poppers.

Jalapeno poppers. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

From my friend Roger in Florida.

   THOUGHTS TO PONDER

Number 8

Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6

Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years

Number 4

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 3

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 2

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought 

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers–what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

– – – and as someone recently said to me:

“Don’t worry about old age–it doesn’t last that long.”

Easter Wabbit Invasion

Am I Seeing Things?

It was early Easter morning when I awoke to some strange noises in the house. Not yet completely awake, I began shuffling around the house looking for the source of noise. Am I seeing things, what is that in Grandma Peggy’s potted plant? My vision is blurry, I rub my eyes to clear them up and to sharpen my senses.

Easter Wabbit Munchin of Peggy's Plants

Oh my God! I am not seeing things it is real. A Wabbit has infiltrated the house. What I see is sharp and clearly a Wabbit. “How did he get in here?” I leave to get something to catch him with.

Oh no, another one!

Wabbit eating a Hyacinth bulb

This is too strange. What will I do now? First they infiltrated the yard and now the house. I’m in deep trouble. If Peggy finds the bunny wabbits they will become pets, and I will be forced to feed them. I have to catch them and make hasenpfeffer before she wakes up.

Wabbit Chews on Christmas Cactus

I don’t believe it, he is eating cactus! This is serious, I must still be asleep and this is a bad dream. Not even the dreaded terror-wabbits eat cactus plants. Yeah, this has to be a dream, no, it is a nightmare. Wake up this can not be real.

Wabbit on desert rose

The nightmare is getting worse! Not even the desert rose is safe, who are these guys? Oh my, how am I going to catch them all? If I don’t they will multiply and take over the house in a couple of days.

God save the orchid from the Wabbit.

Dear God save the orchid from this evil Wabbit! Nothing is safe. Are these Wabbits related to those who ate my tulips last year? Are they taking revenge for the rabbit barrier I used to cover the lobelia? What are they, and from where did they come?

Wabbit eats succulents

Now, that’s the last straw! Get out of the succulents. I’m cooked, there are way too many to deal with before Peggy finds them, and they become pets. She hates hasenpfeffer, and there isn’t much else they are good for except maybe wabbit foot key chains. Think, Think, Think. I need a solution fast. I just know they are busy multiplying.

I retire to my study to find a solution. I Google wabbit invasion and find numerous Youtube videos on wabbit invasions, but no solutions. Maybe I should return to bed and wake up all over again. It’ll be different, right? I don’t think so. Oh me, oh my, what am I to do? I need help. Maybe my readers will help me, yes I’ll blog about the wabbit invasion. All the intelligent people who read Grumpa Joe’s Place will send tons of advice for how to deal with this situation. Yes that’s it, but first I have to eat breakfast. All this talk of Hasenpfeffer and catching wabbits has fueled my appetite. Yes, go make some coffee, boil some eggs to have with toast made from that homemade bread. Go for it.

Wabbit army eyeing up Grumpa Joe.

Ye gods, they are coming to get me!