The Wabbit War took a turn for the better yesterday. Grumpa Joe transformed himself into Jose the illegal grass cutter and mowed the lawn. He dreamt about how to deport all the illegal aliens from his garden. I would let them stay if they would only eat grass, he thought. They insist on steak instead. Over the course of the summer, the Wabbits took out twelve Asiatic lilies, a prize geranium, Sum and Substance hosta, sedum, lobelia, Rose of Sharon sprigs, moonflower, broccoli, brussel sprouts, my Count Dracula day lily, and they killed a huge number of tulips while I was in Arizona. They ate everything but grass. If they ate my grass, and kept it short, I would love them. Instead, I am spewing CO and CO2 into the atmosphere and contributing to global warming. I knew it, the damn Wabbits are melting the polar ice cap.
I was nearly half way finished with making stripes in the front lawn when I noticed some fur and guts on the stripe next to me. How did that happen? I ran over a baby “Oh isn’t he cute,” Wabbit. All I can say is that the Wabbit world is better off by not having this stupid genetically defective individual multiplying their kind. Any Wabbit stupid enough to hide in the grass, while Jose the Illegal grass cutter daydreams stripes into the lawn, deserves to be chopped into pieces.
I know, I know. My readership will drop because of my terrible attitude and lack of compassion for the poor. After all, they are only trying to make a better life for themselves. Well, shit happens. The Wabbits are still out scoring me twenty to one.