PSA-180120-Why?

Why? and Because.
 
1.. WHY
Why do men’s clothes have buttons on the right while women’s clothes have buttons on the left?
 
BECAUSE
When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left.  Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid’s right!  And that’s where women’s buttons have remained since.
 
2 … WHY?
Why do ships and aircraft use ‘mayday’ as their call for help?
 
BECAUSE
This comes from the French word m’aidez – meaning ‘help me’ – and is pronounced,
approximately, ‘mayday.’
 
3 … WHY?
Why are zero scores in tennis called ‘love’?
 
BECAUSE
In France , where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called ‘l’oeuf,’ which is French for ‘the egg.’  When tennis was introduced in the US, Americans (naturally), mispronounced it ‘love.’
 
4 … WHY?
Why do X’s at the end of a letter signify kisses?
 
BECAUSE
In the Middle Ages, when many people were unable to read or write, documents were often signed using an X. Kissing the X represented an oath to fulfill obligations specified in the document. The X and the kiss eventually became synonymous.
 
5 … WHY?
Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called passing the buck’?
 
BECAUSE
In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it  to deal.  If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would ‘pass the buck’ to the next player.
 
 
6 … WHY?
Why do people clink their glasses before drinking a toast?
 
BECAUSE
In earlier times it used to be common for someone to try to kill an enemy by offering him a poisoned drink.  To prove to a guest that a drink was safe, it became customary for a guest to pour a small amount of his drink into the glass of the host. Both men would drink it simultaneously. When a guest trusted his host, he would only touch or clink the host’s glass with his own.
 
 
7… WHY?
Why are people in the public eye said to be ‘in the limelight’?
 
BECAUSE
Invented in 1825, limelight was used in lighthouses and theatres by burning a cylinder of lime which produced a brilliant light. In the theatre, a performer ‘in the limelight’ was the Centre of attention.
 
 
8 … WHY?
Why is someone who is feeling great ‘on cloud nine’?
 
BECAUSE
Types of clouds are numbered according to the altitudes they attain, with nine being the highest cloud. If someone is said to be on cloud nine, that person is floating well above worldly cares.
 
 
9 … WHY?
In golf, where did the term ‘Caddie’ come from?
 
BECAUSE
When Mary Queen of Scots went to France as a young girl, Louis, King of France, learned that she loved the Scots game ‘golf.’ He had the first course outside of Scotland built for her enjoyment. To make sure she was properly chaperoned (and guarded) while she played, Louis hired cadets from a military school to accompany her. Mary liked this a lot and when she returned to Scotland (not a very good idea in the long run), she took the practice with her.  In French, the word cadet is pronounced ‘ca-day’ and the Scots changed it into caddie.
 
 
10 … WHY?
Why are many coin collection jar banks shaped like pigs?
 
BECAUSE
Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of dense orange clay called ‘pygg’. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as ‘pygg banks.’  When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a container that resembled a pig.  And it caught on.
 
BIG CHEEKS
Bet you don’t know “Big cheeks”
Big cheeks. A grandson of slaves, a boy was born in a poor neighborhood of New Orleans known as
the “Back of Town.”  His father abandoned the family when the child was an infant. His mother became
a prostitute and the boy and his sister had to live with their grandmother.
Early in life he proved to be gifted for music and with three other kids he sang in the streets of New Orleans.
His first gains were coins that were thrown to them.
A Jewish family, Karnofsky, who had emigrated from Lithuania to the USA, had pity for the 7-year-old boy
and brought him into their home. Initially giving ‘work’ in the house, to feed this hungry child. There he
remained and slept in this Jewish family’s home where, for the first time in his life, he was treated with
kindness and tenderness.
When he went to bed, Mrs. Karnovsky sang him a Russian lullaby that he would sing with her. Later, he
learned to sing and play several Russian and Jewish songs.
Over time, this boy became the adopted son of this family. The Karnofskys gave him money to buy his
first musical instrument; as was the custom in the Jewish families.
They sincerely admired his musical talent. Later, when he became a professional musician and composer,
he used these Jewish melodies in compositions, such as St. James Infirmary and Go Down Moses.
The little black boy grew up and wrote a book about this Jewish family who had adopted him in 1907.   In
memory of this family and until the end of his life, he wore a Star of David and said that in this family, he
had learned “how to live real life and determination.”
You might recognize his name.  This little boy was called: Louis “Satchmo” Armstrong.
Louis Armstrong proudly spoke fluent Yiddish!
And “Satchmo” is Yiddish for “Big Cheeks”!

PSA-180117-God’s Wisdom Revealed

gods-wisdom.png


When GOD solves our problems,
we have faith in HIS abilities.
When GOD doesn’t solve our problems,
HE has faith in our abilities.
 
 One may observe God’s accuracy in the hatching of eggs…
those of the Canary in 14 days;
those of the Barnyard Hen in 21 days;
Eggs of Ducks and Geese in 28 days;
those of the Mallard in 35 days;
Eggs of the Parrot and the Ostrich hatch in 42 days.
 
 (Notice, they are all divisible by seven,
the number of days in a week!)
 
 See God’s Wisdom in the making of an Elephant…
The four legs of this great beast
all bend forward in the same direction.
No other quadruped is so made.
God planned that this animal would have a huge body…
too large to live on two legs.
For this reason He gave it four fulcrums
so that it can rise from the ground easily.
The Horse rises from the ground on its two front legs first.
A Cow rises from the ground with its two hind legs first.
 
 How wise the Lord is in all His works of Creation!
 
 Each Watermelon has an even number of stripes on the Rind.
 
 Each Orange has an even number of segments.
Each ear of Corn has an even number of rows.
Each stalk of Wheat has an even number of grains.
 
 Every bunch of Bananas has on its lowest row
an even number of Bananas,
and each row decreases by one,
so that one row has an even number
and the next row an odd number.
 
 Amazing!
There’s more…
 
 The Waves of the Sea roll in on shore
Twenty-six to the Minute in all kinds of weather.
 
 All Grains are found in even numbers on the stalks..
 
 God has caused the Flowers to Blossom
at certain specified times during the day.

Linnaeus,
the Great Botanist,
once said that if he had a Conservatory
containing the right kind of Soil,
Moisture,
and Temperature,
he could tell the Time of Day or Night
by the Flowers that were Open
and those that were Closed.
 
 The Lives of each of us
may be ordered by the Lord
in a Beautiful Way for His Glory,
if we will only Entrust Him with our Lives.
If we try to Regulate our own Lives,
we will have only Mess and Failure.
 
 Only God,
who made our Brains and Hearts,
can Successfully Guide them to a Profitable End.
 
 When you carry the Bible,
Satan has a Headache;
when you Open it,
he Collapses.
 
 When he sees you Reading it,
he loses his Strength,
and when you Stand on the Word of God,
Satan can’t Hurt you!

 
 Life without God is like an Unsharpened pencil – it has no Point.
 
 I pray God bless you in ways you never even Dreamed.
I didn’t think twice about forwarding this one.

PSA-180113-It Starts All Over

Some of this you have seen here before, but rather than waste my life trying to figure out what I have seen before I’m sending it all. The new stuff is really funny.
The Cynical Philosopher  😄😄
 
 I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
 
 I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
 
 When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
 
♦Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
 
 America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
 
 You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
 
 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
 
 My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that..
 
 I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
 
 Money talks .. but all mine ever says is good-bye.
 
 You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.
 
 If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
 
 I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”
 
 My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
 
 My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.
 
 Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
 
 The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
 
 The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
 
 I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
 
 Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
 
 The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Where Should I Start?

For the past two weeks I have itched to rant about the liberal dialog trying to destroy President Trump. First it was about the so-called Psychiatrist Dr. Brandy Lee who went to Congress to tell them Trump is a “public health risk”.  How she can tell this from watching him on TV baffles me. It is my assessment from looking at one picture of her and reading this one article that Ms Lee is a Obama ass-kisser and a liberal snow flake.  There, we are even. She said something I didn’t like now I’ve countered with an equally stupid comment. I feel better already. Maybe that is why she is saying what she did about Trump, she wants to ease our anxiety over our Trump admiration. As little as eighteen months ago my own spoken words were very negative about our then leader Obama. The difference between then and now is that any liberal who heard me labeled my speech racist and dismissed it, and me. Ms Lee is not caucasian, rather Asian, therefore I will also call her remarks racist.

The second issue to incite me occurred today when Democrats specifically Tricky Dicky Durbin from the Socialist state of Illinois went ballistic because Trump called Haiti a shit hole of a country. All I can say to Durbin is that the truth hurts. He has attempted to explain Trump’s wish to end “chain migration” as racist. I will give Durbin credit for creativity. His interpretation of chain migration is from the time when slaves chained to ships were brought to America against their will. On the other side of that coin, Durbin shows his total lack of understanding of the current immigration term which means one person granted amnesty may invite every relative he knows get into the country on his shirt-tails.

Tricky Dicky is up for election in 2018 so he has formally opened his campaign. Notice, he sat next to Trump during the unprecedented open meeting on immigration. He has been in the Senate long enough to belong to those who should retire because they have been in the office too long.

I have  never heard Durbin speak sensibly. He is a smooth and eloquent speaker, but after I listen to him awhile I ask myself what the hell did he just say? The words flow, but they don’t make any sense. Every time I see him on TV I look for what he is carrying in his right hand, I want to see the carpetbag. Before entering public office Durbin spent time in a law practice and as a teacher, but somehow he has managed to become a millionaire. I don’t know how people can become so rich. I worked my ass off for over sixty-nine years and I am far from a millionaire.

Unfortunately for Illinois, Durbin will get re-elected again. He has the entire democrat machine behind him and a sizable war chest. Republicans in Illinois don’t stand a chance.

Pita or Potica?

I challenged my grandson Joey to a bake-off last week and guess what? He beat me. Joey is a student in the school of Culinary Arts at Joliet Junior College. I really thought he could pick up a few pointers from the Old Man (me). He stepped into the kitchen, I handed him an apron which he donned immediately. I thought for sure he would wimp-out and hand it back to me, but he put it on and made me proud. The challenge was to bake a walnut-roll from the recipe found in my mother’s (his great grand mother’s) cook book.

Every year at Christmas and New Year I get a strange yen to eat walnut-roll. Most likely because Mom raised me eating walnut roll, and many other beautiful baked goods. She was an excellent baker. How she became one is a mystery. She came to the USA when she was sixteen, so she didn’t have a lot of time to develop epicurean cooking or baking skills while still in her native Hungary. She married my Dad when she was twenty-three. Until then she worked as a domestic for families in the Chicago area, and might have developed some experience during that period.

My parents lived in a neighborhood called Burnside on the far South side of Chicago. Burnside had a very heavy population of immigrants from many European countries: Hungary, Italy, Poland, Ukraine, Germany, Slovenia, and few I forgot. The name of the Catholic Church in the neighborhood was Our Lady of Hungary, so a lot of Hungarians lived there. My guess is that Mom learned to cook and bake from her girl friends in the neighborhood. If they shared something, or baked something at a bake sale which she liked she would ask them for a recipe, and make it for my Dad. He was a man who never disappointed her because he ate every experiment she put in front of him without a complaint. Being the observant type, she would notice how quickly he devoured her experiments. Being a quick learner she kept making the things that disappeared from the table fast.

My brother, sister and I were also willing test subjects. I can honestly brag that she brought me up on her walnut roll, blackberry and apple pie, poppy-seed or apricot kiflik, and a myriad of other delectable bakery. Her white bread was to die for. She didn’t bother baking small loaves in those wimpy nine by four-inch bread pans, but rather a turkey roasting pan. The image of a giant loaf of white bread still warm from the oven makes my mouth water.

We two Joe’s set out to bake the best walnut roll made by any human on earth. Because Joey was in a strange kitchen, I obeyed his requests for tools, and ingredients. He never looked back and jumped into the process with a vigor I had never seen him have before. Being a good grandfather, and a believer in the benefits of positive reinforcement I became his assistant. I never said anything, but observed as he steadily assembled the ingredients. I merely asked if he finished using the dish, spoon, pot, etc so I could rinse it clean.

When it came to deciding when the dough was ready he became frustrated by the elasticity, and I finally chastised him for his impatience with a “nothing is perfect comment.” He bought my argument and proceeded to work the dough into a beautiful thin sheet ready for spreading the filling and the last roll up. Finally, I was able to teach him my technique of rolling the dough on a sheet of waxed paper which made the last windup easy. We popped two finished rolls on a greased cookie-sheet slid it into the oven and anxiously awaited for it to bake. I set a timer for thirty minutes called for by the recipe. Joey just opened the oven door occasionally and lightly touched the surface of the dough with his fingertip. He pulled the rolls from the oven at twenty-five minutes declaring the rolls done. It seemed an eternity for the them to cool enough for us to cut, and when we finally did it turned out he was right, the rolls were fully baked and ready, and delicious; just like my Ma’s.

I sent Joe home with one of the rolls, and wrapped the other to keep it moist. There was enough filling left over to make another loaf. I decided to make it the next day, but I wanted to try a different recipe. My mother’s recipe did not use yeast in the dough, so I chose a Slovak recipe using the same ingredients plus yeast. To make this loaf totally different I added cinnamon and honey to the filling. This dough was very elastic and would have met Joe’s requirements. The recipe made enough dough for two loaves, but when I spread it out into twelve by sixteen inch rectangle I realized I could have made four loaves by thinning the sheet.

I used up all the filling on one loaf and baked it using a timer. My walnut-roll came out browner on the top but still very soft inside.

Another eternity passed as I waited for the loaf to cool enough to cut. To pass time, I cut a slice of Joey’s to make a comparison. The slice almost didn’t make the side by side as I had not yet eaten breakfast and my mouth started watering.

Eventually, I cut the new roll and took side by side photos. It is obvious to see which slice had the yeast. Next came a taste test. Honestly, they were nearly identical. I didn’t taste the honey or the cinnamon. Joey’s roll tasted a bit more of flour than did the yeast dough. Both were good and I look forward to devouring them in the days ahead.

So, which is it Pita or Potica? My mother’s cook book calls it Pita, the Slovenians, and Polish call it Potica.

Damn Toyota Let Me Down

It is the last day of 2017 and what am I doing? Nothing. I’m writing an angry blog piece about a car that let me down. Lately I’ve been bragging about how good my Avalon has been to me, but today that has changed. I’ve written about the lousy experience I had with my 1969 Corolla, and how it kept me from buying another Toyota, or any other piece of Jap-Crap for thirty-six years. Once I calm down I’ll be able to explain rationally how I really feel about my Avalon. Right now the bitter sting of having to fix a car in -5 degree weather still has my shorts in a bunch.

Yesterday, I left the house on my way to my stepdaughter’s sixty-second birthday party. I gingerly placed her gift on the back seat along with a walnut roll wrapped in aluminum foil along with a fresh bottle of Champaign to help with the celebration. The temperature in the garage was low at thirty degrees. Outside it was six below. We haven’t had a winter like this since the nineteen eighties. You know, the Liberals ordered the world to go into warming mode so they could impose exorbitant taxes on us to feed the tyrants of the world, and to enrich themselves by trading carbon credits. I’m here to say the warming trend is over. By next winter the pundits will be crying ice-age once again. I like global warming cycles they keep me comfortable in the winter time. I hate ice-age like winters when I freeze me ass off. Anyway, I pushed the magic button and the Toyota chattered at me. It is that bone chilling noise one gets when a battery dies and the solenoid clicks away.

This morning I mentioned to a friend that since I have owned cars I have had a streak of bad luck with break downs when it is cold. Below zero cold makes stuff break, it makes weak stuff fail, it makes tires split, and it makes car owners very upset. What can I do? I am so dependent on a car to get around that I don’t even think about walking two miles in below zero temps to get to Starbucks. I could spew another thousand words talking about my winter break down experiences but I won’t, I’ll speak of something good instead, like improved battery life. During my life with VWs, Fords, Oldsmobiles, and Mercurys It was not uncommon to have to replace a battery every two years. Since I bought the Avalon batteries have improved, and now last for six years.  My car is  thirteen years old, has 143000 miles on it, and the second battery failed. So even though I blame the Toyota for letting me down it is the battery that is the root-cause. Since the battery is not what I sit in to drive me places I have to blame the car.

I wish all who read this a very Happy New Year without any cold weather trouble.

 

 

171229-More Lexophile Fun

“Lexophile” describes those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “To write with a broken pencil is pointless”     An annual competition is held by the New York Times see who can create the best original lexophile
 
This year’s winning submission is posted at the very end.
 
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
 
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
 
Im reading a book about anti-gravity. I just cant put it down.
 
I didnt like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
 
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
 
When chemists die, they barium.
 
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
 
I changed my iPods name to Titanic. Its syncing now.
 
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool ..
 
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes
 
This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore
 
I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
 
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
 
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
 
I got some batteries that were given out free of charge
 
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
 
A will is a dead giveaway.
 
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
 
Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
 
Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now
 
A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.
 
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
 
He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
 
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
 
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
 
Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
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