Great quotes on sex
“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.”—Lynn Lavner
“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”—Camille Paglia
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.”—Sharon Stone
“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”—Tiger Woods
“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”—Jack Nicholson
“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”—Barbara Bush
“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”—Robin Williams
“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”—Robert De Niro
“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?—“Dustin Hoffman
“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, “I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked!”—Jerry Seinfeld
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”—Robin Williams
“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom…”—Joan Rivers
“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.”—Steve Martin
“You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.”—Elmo Phillips
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”—Oscar Wilde
“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”—George Burns
Frankfort, Illinois is a typical mid-western community gloriously exploding into spring. Spring brings green, most conspicuously lawn. A suburbanite typically worships a green lawn. Every year there is one lawn on the street that is uniquely different from the others. Woe is the neighbor with a green lawn dotted with bursts of brilliant yellow dandelions. This year I am the culprit.
I saw it happening at the end of last summer. After three months of watering, fertilizing, and weed killing the dandelions began to over power the lawn and sporadically popped through the turf across the yard.
Determined to nip the problem in the bud I found myself up, and out early this morning with a large container of weed killer. Ugh! Chemical warfare is not pretty, but it is cheap. The cost is in human labor. After an hour and a half of shooting chemical into the heart of each weedy plant I ran out of chemical and cheered. It was time for a rest and a well deserved breakfast.
A more effective way to battle this nemesis is with a weeding tool, except I’m too lazy, and too weak to conduct that kind of warfare any more. Instead, the plants die a very slow death while I watch. Some of them may be gone in a week. The instructions claim that if properly applied a second application my be necessary after two weeks. It also states that if applied correctly, the grass around the dandelions will not be affected. I’ll let you know about that one. Its been my experience that the second application is a must and possibly one more after that.
Is this really necessary? Why is it so important to conform to the mores of the majority? The answer is simple. Yes it is necessary, but not because of the neighbors. I happen to love a lush green carpet of lawn spreading across the front of my house. I love the look of an entire street of lush green lawns spreading down the block. In direct opposition to my unhealthy affinity for viewing green lawns I also love to look of a baseball field sized lawn spotted with dandelions all across. As long as the field is not my lawn I love the look. Green is the reason I rent my winter home on a golf course. I love looking at huge expanses of green lawn running into the horizon. There is only one thing better than seeing a large green lawn, and that is a very large body of water like an ocean or a lake.
It’s not easy being green.
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things.
And people tend to pass you over ’cause you’re not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water-
or stars in the sky.1
Attached is a link to an article in which Pope Francis states that Christians, Jews, and Muslims are the same. What this pope does not know is the difference between right and wrong, black and white. To me, it is clear that all three religions worship one God. They all claim their God to be the one true God. Why then, do the radical Muslims believe in a religion based on death, and the Christians and Jews believe in a faith based on the sanctity of life? Pope Francis obviously has no clue. The logic doesn’t hold up if the premise is correctly stated. It will hold up if stated like this:
Christians believe in one true God.
Muslims believe in one true God.
Therefore, Christians and Muslims believe in the same God.
If I use another premise the logic changes.
Muslims believe killing infidels is the way to heaven.
Christians believe that preserving life is the way to heaven.
Therefore, Muslims are different than Christians.
In previous articles, I have stated that these two paths do not make sense, they are direct opposite and contradictory. God is never contradictory. God is not confused about what is right and what is wrong. He doesn’t need lawyers or theologians to determine which argument holds. On the other hand, we know from Scripture that there are two kinds of angels, good angels and bad angels. Bad angels do not worship God, but good angels do. It is my contention that Pope Francis does not hold the good angel, bad angel theory as valid since he cannot see christians as being good angels and radical muslims as bad angels. Francis sees only good angels. I commend him for that vision, but I condemn the concept. Black is not white, and white is not black. They are two distinct colors. Mix them, and you get something which is a blend of the two, and neither is pure anymore. Perhaps that is what Francis is referring to when he says Christians and Muslims are a blend of humans that we must learn to love, and deal with.
I love getting stuff from friends it makes my blogging life so much easier. Below is a list of quotes by famous people from cousin Rick.
Philosophers Of the Century …
1.~ Betsy Salkind…
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
2.~ Jean Kerr…
The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
3.~ Prince Philip…
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.
4.~ Harrison Ford…
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
5.~ Spike Milligan…
The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.
6.~ Jean Rostand…
Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror.
7.~ Arnold Schwarzenegger…
Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million.
8.~ WH Auden…
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
9.~ Jonathan Katz…
In hotel rooms, I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.
10. ~ Johnny Carson…
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
11.~ Warren Tantum… (School photo album).
I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical.
12.~ Steve Martin…
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
13.~ Jimmy Durante…
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
14.~ George Roberts..
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
15.~ Jonathan Winters..
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
16. ~ Robert Benchley…
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
17. ~ John Glenn…
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
18. ~ David Letterman…
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
19. ~ Howard Hughes…
I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I’m a billionaire.
20. ~ Old Italian proverb..
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
ONLY 8% of them have ever worked in private business!