Filed under: Humor | Tagged: California, Meme, Racoon | Leave a comment »
PSA-180911-Punny Signs
Posted on 11/09/2018 by Grumpa Joe
PSA-180828-Senior Wisdom
Posted on 28/08/2018 by Grumpa Joe
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is ”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
I don’t have gray hair; I have “wisdom highlights”!
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
Actually, I’m not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne.
Life is great.
Filed under: Aging, Humor | Tagged: Adaptation, Darwin | Leave a comment »
PSA-180815-REALLY?
Posted on 15/08/2018 by Grumpa Joe
PSA-180626-God’s Plan
Posted on 26/06/2018 by Grumpa Joe
God’s Plan for Aging
Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose co-ordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.
So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.
Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older
#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.
Please share this wisdom with others while I go to the bathroom.
Filed under: Aging, Cartoons, Humor | Tagged: God's Plan | 5 Comments »
PSA-180616-The World Gone Crazy
Posted on 16/06/2018 by Grumpa Joe
No further discussion required
Filed under: Humor, Sarcasm, Warm and Fuzzy | Tagged: Common Sense | 5 Comments »
Points of View
Posted on 15/06/2018 by Grumpa Joe
AAKTAN 1930s ROMANTIC COUPLE AT DINING TABLE MAN KISSING WOMAN S HAND
Words with two Meanings1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male….. Playing football without a cup.3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female… A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.AND . . .He said… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said….You wear pants don’t you?He said….Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said… That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!He said….. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ….Turn sideways and look in the mirror!He said…. Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said…..Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
Filed under: family, Humor, Society | Tagged: Definitions, Man, Points of View, Woman | Leave a comment »
