Just For Fun

Do you know who is in the operating room with your surgeon? I dare you to open this link.


I just discovered my age group!
I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager)
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50-60 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or work
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the wine store.  I like the wine store best..
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren’t scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared?
And I don’t have acne.
Life is Good!  Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.
Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.
People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains.
Scientists believe this also makes you hard of hearing as it puts pressure on your inner ear.
Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.
It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names!
So, please forward this to your friends; they may be my friends, too!
Thank you

I Just Couldn’t Resist

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at
her. She

immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved
again.. The man seemed

more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)
what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, ‘Well your Honour, it was like this: when
the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her

condition. She sat down under a sign that said, ‘The
Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
‘Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,
‘William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honour, when she moved the fourth time
and sat under a sign that said,
‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!’
… I just lost it.

PSA-180228-Smile, Winter Is Almost Gone

Relax folks, February is almost done. All we have to endure is March, April, May, and June before summer finally arrives. Oh? Did I skip spring? Yes, that is because most times there is no spring we jump from winter to summer within a few hours, except we never know which day that will happen. In the meantime, enjoy some funny stuff.

Where Is Eden?

Dear Diary:

Aug. 12: Moved to our new home in Illinois. It is so beautiful here. The scenery is wonderful. Can hardly wait to see it with snow covering the landscape. I love it here!

Oct. 14: Illinois is the most beautiful place on Earth! The leaves have turned all colors with shades of red and orange. Went for a ride in the country and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on Earth. This must be Paradise. I love it here!

Nov. 11: Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

Dec. 2: It snowed last night! Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snow ball fight (I won), and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Illinois.

Dec. 12: More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick to the driveway again. I love it here.

Dec. 19: More snow last night. I couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work. I am exhausted from shoveling. Damn snow plow.

Dec. 22: More of that white shit fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the curve and waits until I am done shoveling the driveway. Asshole!

Dec. 26: Merry stinking Christmas. More damn snow! If I ever get my hands on that son of a bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I’ll kill the bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the damn ice.

Dec. 28: More white shit last night. Been inside for 3 days except for the shoveling out the driveway after every time the snow plow goes through. Can’t go anywhere, car’s stuck in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10″ of the shit again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow are in 10″??

Dec. 29: The stinking weatherman was wrong. We got 12″ of the white shit this time. At this rate it won’t melt before next summer. The snowplow got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him I had already broken six shovels while shoveling all the damn snow he pushed into the driveway, I broke the last one over his damn head.

Jan. 4: Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $3000 damage to the car. Those damn beasts should be killed. Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3: Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting our from that damned salt they put all over the road??!

May 10: Moved to Arizona. I can’t imagine why anyone in his right mind would ever live in the state of Illinois.



May 30th — Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here!

June 14th — Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a real sun worshipper.

June 30th — Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here!

July 10th — The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it’s a dry heat. Getting used to it is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th — Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learrned my lesson though: got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 25th — Dry f***ing heat, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th — Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. $1,100 in damn house payments and we can’t even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug 4th — 115 degrees. Finally got the air conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this f***ing state.

Aug 8th — If another wise ass cracks, “Hot enough for ya today?”, I’m going to tear his f***ing throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet.

Aug 10th — The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot and Sunny. It’s been too hot to f*** for two damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this barren damn desert?? Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the pool. Even a cactus can’t live in this heat.

Aug 14th — Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 123 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the f***ing windshield out of the Lincoln. The installer came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for ya today?” My wife had to spend the $1,100 house payment to bail me out of jail.

Aug 30th — Worst day of the damn summer. I’m not leaving the house. The monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewher

PSA-180208B-Just Wonderin’


Things to ponder during the coming year

(1) Isn’t it weird that in America, our flag and our culture offend so many people,

but our benefits don’t?

(2) How can the federal government ask U.S. citizens to pay back student loans

when illegal aliens are receiving a free education?

(3) Only in America are legal citizens labeled “racists” and “Nazis,” but illegal

aliens are called “Dreamers.”

(4) Liberals say, “If confiscating all guns saves just one life, it’s worth it.” Well,

then, if deporting all illegals saves just one life, wouldn’t that be worth it?

(5) I can’t quite figure out how you can proudly wave the flag of another country,

but consider it punishment to be sent back there.

(6) The Constitution: It doesn’t need to be rewritten, it needs to be reread.

(7) William F. Buckley said: “Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other

points of view, and are then shocked and offended when they discover there are

other points of view.”

(8) Joseph Sobran said: “‘Need’ now means wanting someone else’s money.

‘Greed’ means wanting to keep your own. ‘Compassion’ is when a politician arranges

the transfer.”

(9) Florida has had 119 hurricanes since 1850, but some people still insist the

last one was due to climate change.


“If it’s not broken, we’ll fix it until it is.” U.S. Government motto

Liberal Sh_t Hole

If ever there was a shit hole of a place within our borders it is the city of San Francisco. I just came across a map showing outdoor defecation spots with in the city.


Sorry San Fran but the map is almost solid brown. In another article, a dingbat in California proudly proclaimed that Silicone Valley companies won’t locate in the middle states because there is nothing there for them. Here is what she (Dumb-shit) said:

“Melinda Byerley, MBA and founder of Timeshare CMO, a Silicon Valley-based tech start-up, tweeted out Saturday afternoon describing what middle America could do to “get more jobs in their area.”

“Byerley says that the first thing those in middle America need to realize is that “no educated person wants to live in a shithole with stupid people.” Particularly, in a “shithole” filled with people who are “violent, racist, and/or misogynistic.” In Byerley’s opinion, “big corporations,” do not consider moving to the heart of America because “those towns have nothing going for them.”

San Francisco is in the Silicone Valley area and it makes me wonder why the nerd-heads love living near piles of feces on the sidewalk. At least in the Mid-west our piles of outdoor feces are within fenced areas sometimes referred to as barnyards.

Silicone Valley companies don’t dare hire people from the Mid-west because they are smart enough to ask for more money than the favored Asian workers they so love. Trust me, I traveled to Asia because my company was one of those who wanted to take advantage of low wages. Why did I have to go there? Usually it was to train a bunch of Asians who spoke the King’s English, and had scholastic degrees and diplomas knee-deep, but couldn’t understand how to make a plastic mold work. The same molds, when in America, were operated by young men with high school diplomas who set records for production. Why? Because our high school diploma was the equivalent of a college degree in Asia. The people we used to maintain our molds were experts trained here in the Mid-west, and they knew how to deal with equipment requiring a degree of precision not yet understood in Asia.

True, Silicone Valley has done some really good work developing software that allows us to excel, but because of this they also believe their own personal defecate does not stink. Sorry Silicone Valley, but I’ll take the smell of cowshit and horseshit over your human





waste any day. I hold the line on pig-shit, it is the worst. Maybe I should box up about ten pounds of pig crap and ship it FedEx to the lady from Silicone Valley who abhors Mid-westerners.

I Know I Made You Smile


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