PSA-180626-God’s Plan

God’s Plan for Aging

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose co-ordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors   would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the   bathroom, thus providing more exercise.  God looked down and saw that   it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older

#9  Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8  Life is sexually transmitted.

 

#7  Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6   Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5  Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4  Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3  All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2  In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1  Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Please share this wisdom with others while I go to the bathroom.

PSA-180616-The World Gone Crazy

No further discussion required 

 

Points of View

AAKTAN 1930s ROMANTIC COUPLE AT DINING TABLE MAN KISSING WOMAN S HAND

Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male….. Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female… A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND . . .
He said… I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said….You wear pants don’t you?
He said….Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said… That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said….. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ….Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said…. Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said…..Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

For Winers Only

imageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimageimage

Progressive Math


1. Teaching Math In The 1950’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In The 1960’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In The 1970’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80.
Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In The 1980’s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990’s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it’s ok..

6. Teaching Math In The 2000’s
Same question as number 5 but if you have special needs or just feel you need assistance because of race, color, religion, sex, age, childhood memories, criminal background, then don’t answer and the correct answer will be provided for you.

7. Teaching Math In 2017
Un hachero vende una carrtada de maderapara 100 pesos El costo de la producciones es 80 pesos. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

PSA-180410-Inner Peace

Secrets to Inner Peace.
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

Then You Are Probably the Family Dog
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ….
Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can’t eat it or play with it,
Pee on it and walk away.

A Little Marital Levity

A

Pharmacist to a customer:
“Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription.

 Simply showing your marriage certificate and wife’s picture is not enough.”

………

 

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman “Which book has

helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied, “My husband’s cheque book!”

……..

 

A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called,

“Husband: The Master of the House”?

Sales Girl: Certainly Sir, you’ll find it under ‘Fiction and Comics’ on the 1st floor!

………

 

Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your

wife darling, honey, luv… What’s the secret?”

Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.”

……….

 

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper so I’d be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper…so I could have a new

one every day!

……….

 

Husband to wife: Today is a fine day. Next day he says: Today is a

fine day. Again, the next day, he says the same thing: Today is a fine

day.

Finally, after a week, the wife can’t take it and asks her husband

“Since last week, you have been saying, ‘Today is a fine day’.

I am fed up. What’s the matter?”

Husband: “Last week when we had an argument, you said, ‘I will leave

you one fine day.’ I was just trying to make sure you remembered”

………..

 

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure

that either the car or the wife is new.

………..

 

What’s the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant;

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant;

Panic is when both are pregnant!

………

 

Grammar Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she had missed one, my mom fainted, dad

got a heart attack and our driver ran away!

……….

 

A young boy asks his Dad: “What is the difference between confident

and confidential?”

Dad says: “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over

there is also my son; that is confidential!”Time For Some Levity

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