Wabbit War Update

The Alliance grows stronger in both members and resolve.  Today, awestruck sympathizers reached a new high as they proclaimed, “awe, isn’t he cute?”

As the actor William Bendix often said in the radio sitcom The Life of Riley, “it’s a losin’ fight.”

Meanwhile, Grumpa Joe sent S.O.S. messages to the Predator World requesting emergency assistance.

Finally, He makes Sense

 

My genius Senator Dickie Durbin finally made a proposal to President Barack Obama that could make some sense. The Honorable Senator Durbin is asking POTUS to assign a Carp Czar. These people really do not get it at all. The Democrats have so gotten into eliminating God from the universe that they believe they can build a government agency to outwit nature.

Durbin means well, but he has his head in his rectum again. This time he wants to eliminate the migration of Asian carp away from Lake Michigan.  He wants a new agency formed to coordinate efforts to eradicate an invasion of Asian carp into the Great Lakes. It is a noble idea that will go down in history with other Liberal, Socialist, Progressive, Communist concepts like Health Care Reform, and Financial Reform without regulation of Fannie or Freddie. How about keeping oil from washing ashore? The Democrats can’t secure the border, and eliminate the invasion of Mexicans from over running the United States. How in the hell will they control an underwater invasion of fish?

A Carp Czar could be a good idea if they take this recommendation; make Barney Frank the Czar. Throw him into the water at the mouth of Lake Ontario with a concrete slab tied to his ankles. He can catch the critters, and we kill two problems with one Czar. Barney leaves Congress, and the fish will have some natural food to nibble.

Fabulous Bar and a Good Menu Too!

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Today, I ate lunch at a landmark restaurant in a town southwest of Chicago. Today’s lunch marks the third visit to this eatery in the past month. Do I like it? No, I love it.

I learned of the place from my friend, Bob. He loved antiques, and he dined there regularly with his lady- friend. They drove the forty miles on Interstate 80 to exit 112: Morris, Illinois. He spoke of the tasty food, the good service, and the ambiance that the bar and the antique furnishings created. It took five years before I finally visited the Rockwell Inn on U.S. route six just west of Morris. All I can say is this: What took me so long?

The Inn sports decor from a turn of the century (1893-1906) motif. Budweiser commissioned the magnificent bar in 1893, for their pavilion at the Columbian Exposition in Chicago. Made from mahogany and rosewood, it has a history of its own. The light fixtures represent a collection from 1900’s vintage hotels. Beveled glass windows divide rooms and allow prisms of color to flow into the dining area from the garden. The unique brass door handles came from a business that suffered the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. The walls sport a collection of Saturday Evening Post covers featuring Norman Rockwell paintings. There are also a few signed Rockwell prints scattered about. The cover art gave birth to the name Rockwell Inn over thirty years ago.

I tried different entrees at each of my visits. In every selection, the food was of high quality, in generous portions, and prepared to satisfaction. The steaks are juicy and delicious. A bread bar compliments the salad bar stocked with an ample variety of veggies and prepared salads. The bread bar has freshly baked loaves of white, wheat, and dark rye. It invited me to cut a generous slab to enhance my loaded salad plate. A barrel filled with pickles sits in the corner almost hidden from view.

After the wonderful repast had me loosening my belt, the server tempted us with the desert tray. I should have eaten desert first. Peggy and I shared a specialty of brandied vanilla ice cream. The desert came presented in a wide rim wine glass filled with a heaping swirl of ice cream blended with Christian Brother’s brandy, and topped by a flaming sugar cube.

If you still have some disposable income, treat yourself to a meal at this fabulous restaurant. Enjoy the art, the bar, and the great cooking. * * * * *

A New Energy Policy

It is hard to believe that in the sixty-plus days since the BP oilrig blew up that no one has coined the phrase Barack Petroleum. A while back, I posted apiece titled Big Fat Lie in which I postulated that the oil rig blow up was a government sponsored conspiracy. I claimed it was a save-face cover for POTUS to rescind his generous relinquishment of off shore drilling. There was no doubt; my theory was so far out it fell into the category of a Big Fat Lie.

As the oil continues to spew into the Gulf and the politics of it begins to unfold, I am leaning to another big fat lie theory. This one has the Administration sending Navy Seals to blow up the rig, but the rationale is different. This time, it is because POTUS wants to take over BP. Why is that? He wants to add an energy company to his growing stable of government controlled or owned companies: Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, AIG, Goldman Sachs, Student Loan Program, Chrysler, GM, and Health Care Insurance. What else does he want? Perhaps, he will add your soul and mine too.

 POTUS put the gun to BP’s head and extorted twenty billion dollars from them as payment toward the lost wages of the coastal residents. The clean-up costs are extra. A few more payments and he will have another trillion to deposit into a Swiss bank account for retirement. The company will have to give him stock to make a payment like that.

Is it the big fat lie syndrome, or is it I? Is it coincidence? Or, is it Rahm’s theory that every catastrophe becomes an opportunity to build a bigger government? 

Illegal Alien Invasion

 Wabbit War Press Release

Grumpa Joe has had the barrier area under tight surveillance for the past forty-eight hours. The enemy has retreated, or has changed tactics. Osama de Wabbit has gone underground. Most likely, he is hiding in a cave of foliage somewhere in the area. Meanwhile, the Alliance has strengthened (Grandma Peggy and Osama de Wabbit) with the addition of mosquitoes, and stripped ground squirrels.

On several forays to improve the barrier in the evening hours, Grumpa Joe has encountered heavy concentrations of buzzing mosquito kamikaze fighters. He retreated in order to minimize bloodshed.

Grumpa Joe has not sighted Wabbit during daylight hours prompting him to believe Wabbit is now attacking under cover of darkness.

The barrier remains breached, and damage to prized horticultural specimens continues to occur.

Grumpa Joe is forming a commission of Master Gardening experts from universities throughout the Big Ten to investigate the problem.

The lure of Grandma Peggy’s Free Seed for Birds Program has caused an Illegal Alien invasion. Wabbits, young and old are coming to assist Osama de Wabbit eat free. The FSBP is stressed by the additional burdens placed on it. The rate of consumption has doubled since the beginning of June, and is burdening the resident taxpayer. Additionally, two robins died after slamming into the picture window during aerial pursuit. Grumpa Joe sadly gave them appropriate “Aerial Burials.”

Grumpa Joe must secure the barrier before the garden becomes bankrupt of colorful floral displays and natural food sources for birds.

Day Two of Wabbit War

Stargazer Lilly

Yesterday, I wrote about my experience with Elmer Fudd and the wabbits in my yard. Today, I glumly report that the only one being impeded by the wabbit barrier is Grumpa Joe. The critters make a straight beeline for cover and slip right under the fence.

 I fixed the problem on my raised vegetable bed by stapling the wire to the base. The fence around my flower beds will require a more engineered approach. All through this fence building effort, I had one last Asiatic lily bud about to bloom. Perhaps it was a show of nose thumbing, but the last lily bud has been nipped and is lying on the ground.

In the meantime, Peggy has kicked up her protective instincts another notch and is running interference for the wabbits.

I will prevail even if it takes chemical warfare to win.

The Wabbit War Begins

Image courtesy of Warner Bros, free use agreement.

When I was a kid, Elmer Fudd was a popular cartoon character. I had to go to the movies to see him star in a cartoon. That was before television was invented. Elmer spoke with an impediment and pronounced “r’s and l’s” as “w.” Today his speech would be offensive to many liberal senses. The libs would protest that the character was demeaning speech impediments. To me it was funny, and is still funny. If you are offended by written words about lispy speech, stop right here and go to the ACLU website and register a complaint.

Elmer loved hunting and was always in pursuit of a rabbit named Bugs Bunny. He pronounced rabbit as wabbit, and his favorite saying was “siwwy wabbit.” Each cartoon episode involved Elmer in some hilarious attempt to catch the wabbit who stole his carrots. I love Elmer Fudd.

I tell this story because I too am in pursuit of wabbits or illegal aliens as one of my gardening friends refers to them. For some reason, this season the wabbit count is high, and they are voraciously hungry. I have a collection of Asiatic lilies, which I am very proud of, but this year they have been decimated by the wabbits. At first, I thought it was a bug, but one day, I witnessed a long earred furry thing chomping on the tender leaves of a lily plant. By the time I reacted, and placed a wabbit barrier around the stubs, it was too late; the liwys were eaten to the ground

A year ago, I wrote a story titled “Dumb Ass Squirrel #!!&+*^(#?” It described my battle with a squirrel and my bird feeders. Later in the summer, I wrote a trilogy of pieces about another garden creature titled; Mystery-Riddle,  Dumb Ass Squirrel Has Competition,  and Answer to Riddle.

Eventually, I gave up and conceded to the ingenuity of the squirrels. The wabbit is another matter. The squirrels are entertaining; the wabbits are destwuctive. There is no pwant matter thing they wiww not taste. In the pwocess, they destwoy bwooms. One of the fiwst fwowers of spwing is the tuwip. The wabbits wait untiw the bud is high and about to bwoom, then they chomp the stem. The bud ways on the gwound with an uneaten stem stiww attached.  (If you think it is easy to write with a lisp, think again. I want you to get as frustrated reading this as I am chasing the wabbit.)

My war with the wabbits is compounded by, my sweet wife, Peggy. She has a motherly fondness for all living creatures and goes out of her way to feed birds, squirrels, and now wabbits too. Her attitude is that the animal kingdom leads a hard life and they deserve a little tender loving care. (But not my prize lilies dam it.) Peggy will dump a cup full of birdseed on the patio for the ducks, and the wabbits. On the way to the seed pile, the wabbits pass through my flowerbeds and partake of appetizers. A bite here, a nibble there, aren’t they cute?

For the last week, instead of drawing Obama bashing cartoons, and blogging, Grumpa Joe has been busy installing wabbit barriers at considerable expense. Every day he discovers that the wabbit has figured a new route into the flowers. So far, He has discovered a huge chunk missing from his favorite cactus, a denuded potted geranium, coral bell stems, and leaves lying on the ground. All the buds from a bellflower are gone, chrysanthemum buds gone (that one is a favor to me), bell pepper, hosta, and sedum leaves eaten to the stem. What do they leave alone? Wabbits avoid dandelions, clover, thistle, Queen Anne’s lace, and so far, day lilies.

 The war continues.

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