Better Than Puns-Churchillisms

A favorite story about Churchill is when at a dinner party a member of the Labor Party’s (the opposition) wife said, “Mr. Churchill, you are despicable.  If I were your wife I’d put poison in your whiskey. ”His reply, “Madam, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”  He always had an appropriate come-back.

Hundred Dollar Mistake

Last week during a project to get my homemade Christmas card finished I panicked. One of the last steps was to print mailing labels. Over the years I have become very comfortable with Microsoft Word as my word processor. Ten years ago when I switched over to Apple computers I embraced Apple’s word processor called “Pages.” I learned that pages was a neat program, and I really liked it until it came to mailing documents via USPS. I spent hours trying to print labels using Pages but failed. It was clear to me that Steve Jobs at Apple never mailed a letter or Christmas card in his life.

Apple’s rival, Bill Gates saw an opportunity so he invented Word for Apple, and I switched over immediately to Microsoft Word which had ready made buttons designed specifically for mass mailings. I wouldn’t necessarily categorize my Christmas card list as a mass mailing, but there are 200 names on it.

Having Been Summoned By GOD, Morty Angel Arrives In Heaven

A week ago whenever I opened a document from Word that I needed help with I got a notice stating that Office 2016 is retired and you must upgrade. I thought that’s a bunch of BS. I’ll show them. Every time I tried to link my Apple contact list into the Word mailing program, the computer went to sleep. No matter what I did, or how I tried to make the link it didn’t happen. Every time I searched the help screen I got the same message that Office 2016 was retired.

Frustrated, I decided to use a comma separated value scheme and somehow was able to export my contact list as a CSV file. The problem is that I ran into the same message when I opened Excel to establish the file. All this time I am burning up hours and building my frustration level. With my deadline approaching I decided to give in and to buy the upgrade. Bill Gates must have needed a bonus to keep up his lifestyle and Microsoft decided to invent the way to give it to him. I opened my Microsoft account page and hit the button to buy the software which is now called Office 365. Ka-ching $100, and I downloaded and installed it. The installation failed, but left me a love note “this version requires macOS Version 10.15.5. My computer is macOS Version 10.13.6. There was nothing I could do. I checked to see if I could upgrade my machine to a higher level. Nope, not in the cards, my machine is one of the last 32 bit processors sold before Bill needed another raise and invented the 64 bit processor and everyone would have to not only buy the new software they would have to buy a new machine too.

I quickly looked for a way to get a refund. There is nothing I can find in any of the screens that mentions the word refund, or a phone number for customer support. I think Microsoft is a company that is in a big empty building with only a computer inside using artificial intelligence without any living breathing, naturally intelligent people, except for the janitor who rules over an army of Roombas.

So here I sit with a new computer program that I cannot install, nor can I find a way to transfer it to another computer because I lack the intelligence to understand the hundreds of pages of computerese that portend to give the instructions to do so.

After sleeping on the problem for a couple of days I went back to the basics of using the mailing section of Word. Instead of selecting the Apple contact list I selected “New List.” A miracle happened, a drop down menu appeared and there at the very top of the list was the CSV file I made two days ago. Don’t question it I told myself just keep going. I finished the process and printed the labels. My cards are out and in the mail. Next, how do I get a refund?

Time

This week I am experiencing a time slowdown. I believe that when life is moving fast you are in good shape. Better for time to appear to be moving at the speed of light than for it to be dragging like like a glacier moving down field. Of course time doesn’t change how it moves, it is a constant. What changes is one’s perspective. When we live in uninteresting times, time seems to stand still. Our minds are not being stimulated properly and the net effect is boredom.

Why have I been bored all week? Beats me, but I have to change my attitude if I want time to speed up again.

In the few nano-second analysis I performed since making the above statement I concluded that I need to review my goals. In the few nano-seconds since I realized I should review my goals, it occurred to me that maybe I should have some goals to review.

Problem solved.

When I have lots of goals the amount of time I can dedicate to each is less than normal. The result is that I tend to focus on accomplishment, and the activity conducted during that focused period is what makes time speed up. Make sense? Me neither, but it sounds good.

Life is a goal. Using it productively is another goal. When we abandon goals our lives seem not to matter as much. No matter what age we are the amount of time we have is fixed. It is up to us as individuals to decide how much we want to accomplish within our lifetime. If we do things right, time will speed by and leave us wanting more. Some people call this process time-management. What I have learned is that time management is merely a method we can use to break our goals into baby steps which we can schedule to accomplish more easily because they are smaller. The trick is to get the goal defined in such a manner that the micro-steps are readily recognized and scheduled for accomplishment.

One of the most crucial steps to setting goals is the simple act of writing them down. Too many of us ignore the one step that will allow our minds to keep focused on the target. The problem is that we are never religiously focused enough to stay on target. Having written goals allows us to review them frequently. The very act of committing a goal in writing sets it up in our brain as something important to us. Yet, this step is probably the most ignored step in the process of goal accomplishment.

Seven steps of goals:

  1. What benefit will you derive by accomplishing this goal
  2. Write the goal down
  3. Make it measurable and specific
  4. What obstacles are in the way of achieving the goal
  5. List all the knowledge and help you will need to accomplish the goal
  6. Make a detailed plan of accomplishment
  7. Set a date for achieving the goal.

PSA-210424-Now, Not After

I did not write this but WOW does it speak to my heart!

Barely the day started and it is already six in the evening.

Barely arrived on Monday, and it is already Friday,

and the month is already over,

and the year is almost over,

and already 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 years have passed,

and we realize that we lost our parents, friends,

and we realize it is too late to go back.

So, let’s try, despite everything, to enjoy the remaining time.

Let’s keep looking for activities that we like.

Let’ put some color into our grey.

Let’s smile at the things in life that put balm into our hearts.

And despite everything, we must continue to enjoy with serenity this time we have left.

Let’s try to eliminate the “afters” like,

I’m doing it after.

I’ll say after.

I’ll think about it after.

We leave everything for later like “after” is ours.

Because what we don’t understand is that:

Afterwards, the coffee gets cold.

Afterwards, priorities change.

Afterwards, the charm is broken.

Afterwards, health passes.

Afterwards, the kids grow up.

Afterwards, parents get old.

Afterwords, promises are forgotten.

Afterwards, the day becomes night.

Afterwards, life ends,

and then it’s often too late.

So, let’s leave nothing for later.

Because still waiting for later, we can lose the best moments, the best experiences,

best friends,

the best family.

The day is today, the moment is now.

We are no longer at the age where we can afford to postpone what needs to be done right away.

So, let’s see if you have the time to read this message and then share it.

or, maybe you’ll leave it for later, and you’ll never share it.

A Great Way To Start the Day

The first email I responded to this morning was from my cousin Joan. She told me that the video she included was great and it lifted her spirits. I watched the video and concluded she was right. What a great story this man Dr. Lombardi tells about his experience with the very first patient he treated in private practice. Watch it and tell me what you think.

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