Random Thinking While Drinking

 I was thinking;

If only 11 million people have Obama-Care, how will 24 million people die if it is repealed?  Will an additional 13 million people be randomly shot, poisoned, or spayed?

I was thinking;

If Donald Trump deleted all his emails, wiped his server with Bleachbit (like Hillary) and destroyed all of his phones with a hammer, would the Mainstream Media suddenly lose all interest in the story and declare him innocent (like Hillary).

I was thinking;

If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?

I was thinking;

If you rob a bank in a Sanctuary City, is it illegal or is it just an Undocumented Withdrawal?

I was thinking;

Each ISIS attack now is a reaction to Trump policies, but all ISIS attacks during Obama’s term were due to Climate Change and a plea for jobs.

I was thinking;

We should stop calling them all ‘Entitlements’. Welfare, Food Stamps, WIC, ad nausea are not entitlements, they are taxpayer-funded handouts, and shouldn’t be called entitlements at all.  Social Security and Veterans Benefits are Entitlements because the people receiving them are entitled to them. They were earned and paid for by the recipients.

I was thinking;

If Muslims want to run away from a Muslim country, does that mean they’re Islamophobic?

I was thinking;

If Liberals don’t believe in biological gender and promote transgenders, then why did they march for women’s rights?

I was thinking;

How did the Russians get Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the DNC to steal the Primary from Bernie Sanders?  How did Russia get Donna Brazile to leak debate questions to Hillary Clinton in advance of the debates?

I was thinking;

Why is it that Democrats think Super delegates are fine, but they have a problem with the Electoral College?

I was thinking;

If you don’t want the FBI involved in elections, don’t nominate someone who’s being investigated by the FBI.

I was thinking;

If Hillary’s speeches/screeches cost $250,000 an hour, how come no one shows up to her free ones?

I was thinking;

The DNC is mad at Russia because they ‘think’ they are trying to manipulate our election by exposing that the DNC is manipulating our election.

I was thinking;

If Democrats don’t want foreigners involved in our elections,  why do they think it’s all right for illegal’s to vote?

Remember, Drink, don’t Think!

 

Trust Me!

The latest news from GM has given me an outstanding business idea. This is so good that I can’t keep it to myself and will let you get in on the action too. General Motors announced their plan to close a number of plants in Michigan and Ohio with a minimal layoff of fifteen thousand workers.  It seems they can’t sell cars anymore like the Japanese, and Koreans so they want to concentrate on designing and building electric cars in China. The sales on the Chevy Volt were so spectacular they couldn’t satisfy demand. Rather than disappoint buyers by not selling them a car, they shut down Volt operations.

A few short years ago Obama deemed General Motors too big to fail. Actually, Obama didn’t give a hoot about the company, what he meant was the United Auto Workers union was too big to fail.  He generously donated fifty billion of our tax dollars to the company in a bailout to save all those voters, er . . . I mean UAW workers. You and I paid five hundred dollars each to that cause through our taxes. Smart asses protecting the great one will argue that GM paid forty billion back. Okay, so GM only owes us $100 each. Had the government kept out of the deal in 2008 GM would have filed for bankruptcy and reorganized. The problem is that the reorganization would have eliminated the UAW.

My experience with GM runs hot and cold. I worked for GM in the nineteen sixties when they were the largest car maker in the world. Their profits were around four billion dollars. They could do no wrong, except to bow to the demands of the UAW. The union had some valid requests like “we want some of that profit because you made it with the sweat of the UAW brow.” If GM didn’t respond the UAW went on strike. The strike wouldn’t last very long because GM didn’t want to upset their shareholders with higher operating costs and lower dividends.  Eventually, the UAW added a huge burden to the cost of an automobile, they still do. Rumor has it that the unions drove up the cost of a car by $1500. what that means is that if you were to put a Toyota Camry next to a Chevy Malibu and the price tags were equal, GM was making $1500 less on the Malibu than Toyota did on the Camry. The GM answer to this dilemma was to cost-reduce their cars. What that did was reduce the reliability and quality of their cars. Add that to the stigma of buying an Obam-mobile and GM loses. Ford and Chrysler have their own stories which I won’t get into right now.

Instead of reviewing the sad history of the former largest car maker in the world let’s look forward. They really believe that electric cars are the wave of the future. Since they are too big to fail I want to take advantage of GM’s plan to make electric cars and trucks. I am starting up a franchise operation to provide energy for millions of electric cars. Right now a Tesla electric gets as much as 280 miles on a charge. I want those people to be able to drive into one of my stations. Think about the possibilities this business has. Even if we shift the paradigm and change from using a gas station to a charging station in our garage we will still need to recharge on the road. A trip across country from Chicago to Flagstaff will require a full-charge five times. Full charges using a super charger take ninety minutes. Using a lower grade charger like the one in your home can take up to ten hours. My stations will be equipped with 10 to 50 superchargers to take advantage of volume. Adjacent to my stations and connected will be a fabulous restaurant, casino, motel for your convenience. After all, a ninety minute charge will only be possible if I am charging ten cars as opposed to fifty. At fifty car capacity it may take three to five hours to charge. During those trapped minutes my casino will be raking in tons of nickels and dimes in the slots. 

The cost of a charge will be about five times the cost of a tank of gas at 2018 prices. Why so high? The demand for electricity will be so great that the electric power plants will be operating at max capacity. It’s that old supply-demand thing again.

Now comes the real lucrative aspect of this business. Behind all the charging stations we will build a high speed electric train using the center median on the interstate system. All those car owners sitting around waiting to get charged will look sadly at the hundreds of people flying past on the high speed rail. Imagine all those dollars pouring into the coffers from all those car owners switching to trains while the cars are at home charging.

The next phase after the high speed rail is a network of power plants. The world doesn’t have enough power generating stations to fuel all the electric vehicles GM is making therefore we’ll need super output generators. They will need energy as well so we’ll tap into wind, sun, and fossil fuels. Right now, coal mines are cheap because everyone is so down on coal. Buying coal is our secret weapon. While we continue to use coal we will also spend billions on harnessing the energy from the sun. All these puny solar collectors cluttering up the landscape are an eyesore and can’t produce spit, but the roof of every house will collect enough solar power to give individual households enough energy to be independent of the grid. Our research will concentrate on collecting sun in large spherical mirrors which transfer solar into heat to run the turbines in the super generators. Since the sun doesn’t shine on some days we will need to tap into the core of the earth to get heat.

Now that we have come full circle on energy, let’s talk about how much you want to invest in my company.  

PSA-181112-English for the Advanced Student

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You think English is easy??  
 
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

 
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

 
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

 
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?  

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese? So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’?

Creative People Amuse Me

I have to thank my friend Rich for sending me this great diaryHarbin-Ice-and-Snow-World-32-snow-people-Harry-Alverson about how we are living in the USA today. 8:00 am I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere. 8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snow men instead. 8:22 The transgender ma..wom…person asked why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable parts. 8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white. 8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa. 8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended. 8:42 The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role. 8:43 The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction. 8:45 TV news crew from the ABC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, “Snowballs” and am now called a sexist. 9:00 I’m on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather. 9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services. 9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded. Moral: There is no moral to this story. It’s just the world in which we live today, and it is going to get much worse.

I Would Be A Democrat If . . .

A friend recently sent me this piece about our past President Harry Truman. He was one of the greatest president’s America ever had. If our current day politicians had the same morals and character as Harry our country would be greater than ever and we wouldn’t have to make it great again. Please watch this video, read the vignette, and think about it.  Harry & Bess Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation’s history as any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House. The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence Missouri . His wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there. When he retired from office in 1952 his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an ‘allowance’ and, later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year. After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no Secret Service following them. When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, “You don’t want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it’s not for sale.” Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, “I don’t consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise.” As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food. Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale (cf. Illinois ). Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, “My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference!” I say dig him up and clone him! If you agree, forward it. If you don’t, delete it. I don’t want to know one way or the other. By me forwarding it, you know how I feel.

PSA180924-More Useless Stuff

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  1. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 BC.
  2.  When you hear a bullwhip snap, it’s because the tip is traveling faster than the speed of sound.
  3.  Hair is made from the same substance as fingernails.
  4.  The ZIP in “ZIP code” means Zoning Improvement Plan.
  5.  ‘Obsession’ is the most popular boat name.
  6.  The first toilet ever seen on television was on “Leave It to Beaver.”
  7.  Hawaii is moving toward Japan 4 inches every year.
  8. Your brain uses up about 20% of all your body’s oxygen and calories.
  9. Every year 56,000,000 people attend major league baseball games.
  10. A full 7% of the entire Irish barley crop goes to the production of Guinness beer.
  11. During your lifetime, you’ll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That’s the weight of about 6 elephants.
  12.  The least used letter in the alphabet is Q.
  13.  26 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill,
  14. The word “lethologica” describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.
  15. A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time: 1/100th of a second.
  16.  Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
  17. The busiest shopping hour of the holiday season is between 3-4 p.m. on Christmas Eve.
  18.  Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
  19. Al Gore’s roommate in college (Harvard, class of 1969) was Tommy Lee Jones.
  20. The average person laughs 10 times a day.
  21. Americans travel 1,144,721,000 miles by air every day.
  22. More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones.
  23. A group of frogs is called an army.
  24. The parachute was invented by Leonardo da Vinci in 1515.
  25. 72% of Americans sign their pets’ names on greeting cards they send out.
  26. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
  27. All major league baseball umpires must wear black underwear while on the job in case their pants split.
  28. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
  29. The average American butt is 14.9 inches long.
  30. A perfect SAT score is 1600 combined.
  31. Bill Gates scored 1590 on his SAT. Paul Allen, Bill’s partner at Microsoft, scored a perfect 1600.
  32. Bill Cosby scored less than 500 combined.
  33. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the U.S. Treasury.
  34. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people do.
  35. It is unlikely that a person could actually die in quicksand, since most quicksand is only a few inches deep
  36.  There are 31,557,600 seconds in a year.
  37. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.
  38. There is a company that will (for $14,000) take your ashes and compress them into a synthetic diamond to be set in jewelry for a loved one.
  39.  Goldfish can see both infrared and ultraviolet light.
  40.  A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
  41. 60 Minutes on CBS is the only TV show to not have a theme song or music.
  42. Costco is the largest wine retailer in the United States. Annual wine sales are about $700 million
  43. California consumes more bottled water than any other product.
  44.  The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA’
  45. When three-letter airport codes became standard, airports that had been using two letters simply added an X.
  46. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
  47. Nintendo was founded in 1889.
  48. The average child recognizes over 200 company logos by the time he enters first grade.
  49. 1 googol is the number 1 followed by 100 zeros.
  50. A rainbow can be seen only in the morning or late afternoon. It can occur only when the sun is 40 degrees or less above the horizon.
  51.  The number one tire manufacturer in the world? LEGO.
  52. President Lincoln’s dog Fido was also assassinated.
  53. The words ‘racecar’, ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are palindromes. They read the same whether you read them left to right or right to left.
  54. A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.
  55. The “pound” key on your keyboard (#) is called an octotrophe.
  56. Cows don’t have upper front teeth.
  57.  They have square watermelons in Japan – they stack better.
  58. Frogs don’t drink (they absorb water through their skin).
  59. Most elephants weigh less than the tongue of the blue whale.
  60. The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian phrase “Shah Mat,” which means “the king is dead.”
  61. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
  62. Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.
  63. Most collect calls are made on Father’s Day.

Women???

pantyraid

1950’s Panty Raid

Panty-Raid-2

A Very Large Panty-Raid

In the nineteen fifties when I went to college things were a bit different between the sexes. Men lived in male dorms on one side of campus and women in ladies dorms on the opposite side. Fraternities and sororities were pretty much the same. We spent our time going to bars to meet girls; clubs were another avenue. Study time at libraries was also a popular venue, as was our student center with the coffee shop. My classes in engineering were void of women. They just didn’t want to become engineers yet. If they did they faced a very biased male teaching staff that believed a women’s place belonged in home economics rather than in thermodynamics.

When spring finally came, and everyone was suffering with cabin fever the hormonal juices increased with the level of sunshine. Both testosterone and estrogen began doing the job intended by our Creator. One evening I sat at my desk when I heard a noise in the distance. Not knowing what it was I ran outside to discover that a panty-raid was in process about six blocks away. Not wanting to get into trouble near the end of the year I stayed away, but listened to all the stories with relish after is was over. Our student newspaper also recorded the event with photos.

During a panty-raid the men marched en masse cheering and chanting from the west side of campus to the east   to raid the girls dorms to steal panties. With all the noise the men made, the proctors in the ladies’ dorms had enough warning to lock all the doors to keep men out. The girls knew beforehand what was happening and flocked to the windows to the delight of the men. Of course the boys would begin to crawl through the lower level windows to gain entry. Girls in the upper floors began to dangle their panties out to tempt the guys. Mayhem ensued when the girls began tossing their undies out to the crowd, and the guys who made it into the rooms had quite a story to tell about how they acquired underwear. Without being the room with them I could never know exactly what ensued. I am sure that by the time the stories were told they were embellished and expanded beyond what actually happened.

Today’s students may read this and think how lame. Yes, compared to today’s coed dorms, and free sex on demand are quite something. Our kids probably believe a panty-raid is something you do at Sunday school. The moral of this story is to tell the story some sixty-two years after the fact. I participated in my own style of sexual experimentation with the opposite sex, but it too was tame by today’s standards. But what if I were being considered for a big job in government and one of my college dates decided to write to her Congressman about how traumatized she was by my crude and unsuccessful advances. Could she really remember that time accurately? I told you a story above about panty-raids to the best of my ability, but I’m sure if you were to research panty-raids you might learn they were much different from my tale. Would our youthful experiments in sexuality really matter to anyone or to anything? I am also certain that each of us has their own story to tell about a youthful adventure in sex education.

I finished college with a degree, and so did all my dates. I have never seen any of them since that time to know if I traumatized them. I pray they all had happy lives and found faithful partners. I did.

I met the girl of my dreams on a blind date. I was a perfect gentleman throughout our courtship and can very proudly state that we were both virgins when we married, although I tried like heck to not be one.

no-longer-does-panty-raids-girls-come-to-his-dorm-2555614

2018 Version of a Panty-Raid

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