It’s Hell to Get Old

 

Everyone of these damn stories pertains to me. If I posted them before, well, so be it: enjoy them again.

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An elderly gentleman…
> Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
> He went to the doctor and the doctor was able
> to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids
> that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
> The elderly gentleman went back in a month
> to the doctor and the doctor said,
> ‘Your hearing is perfect.. Your family
> must be really pleased that you can hear again.’
> The gentleman replied, ‘Oh, I haven’t told my family yet.
> I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
> I’ve changed my will three times!’

>
Two elderly gentlemen from a
> retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree
> when one turns to the other and says:
> ‘Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains.
> I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?’
> Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’
> ‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’
> ‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’

> An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
> The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great… I would recommend it very highly.’
> The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’
> The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
> You know… The one that’s red and has thorns.’
> ‘Do you mean a rose?’
> ‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

I love this one!
> Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
> After a chat about rules being rules,
> he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
> On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
> ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the
> bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember…
> Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.
> ‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’
> ‘Sure.’
> ‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.
> ‘No, I can remember it.’
> ‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too.
> Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?’
> He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’
> ‘I’d also like whipped cream.
> I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.
> Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’
> Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs..
> She stares at the plate for a moment.
> ‘Where’s my toast ?’

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’
> ‘Yep!’
> ‘Do I know her?’
> ‘Nope!’
> ‘This woman, is she good looking?’
> ‘Not really.’
> ‘Is she a good cook?’
> ‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’
> ‘Does she have lots of money?’
> ‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’
> ‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’
> ‘I don’t know.’
> ‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’
> ‘Because she can still drive!’

Three old guys are out walking.
> First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’
> Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’
> Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’

A man was telling his neighbor,
> ‘I just bought a new hearing aid.
> It cost me four thousand dollars,
> but it’s state of the art.. It’s perfect.’
> ‘Really,’ answered the neighbor . ‘What kind is it?’
> ‘Twelve thirty..’

> Maurice , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> A few days later, the doctor saw Maurice walking down
> the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Maurice and said,
> ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
> Maurice replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc:
> ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
> The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that.. I said,
> ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’

> And One more. . .!
> A little old man shuffled slowly into
> an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly,
> painfully, up onto a stool …
> After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
> The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
> ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

Maintaining My Sanity

During the course of the year I escape to various places within the house and property to become recluse and meditate.

Beginning in September it is my wood shop. In April it is my garden. Both have a soothing effect on my brain and relieve my inner stresses. This season in the wood shop I managed to eke out five intarsia projects of which I am proud. The next project involves the Lions Club. It is outside the home and will probably add to the stress rather than to relieve it. Tomorrow my club begins vision screening children to identify potential eye problems. I’ve been practicing with the instrument which is a camera and computer rolled into one. So far, all I have managed is to get error codes. It seems the device does not work well on adults. Hopefully, tomorrow I will get good results on actual kids.

In the meantime, here are some photos of my winter projects. Several have been displayed on my blog before, but there are new ones in this album.

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Phalaenopsis Orchid November, 2015

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Rose, October, 2015

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Sunflower-September, 2015

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Calla Lily December, 2015

 

 

 

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Cardinal on Blossoms January, 2016

 

Pic of the Day

She Had a Chance

I’ve deliberately refrained from voicing my opinions about Hillary Clinton’s run for president because I don’t think what I say matters much to anyone. I tried my damnedest to derail Obama and 99% of what I wrote has come to pass. It didn’t matter. The people of America are in love with socialism, political correctness, and divisiveness. They accept it no matter what the cost to their freedom. Too many Americans have become wimps and want a nanny state.

A friend reminded me of some facts about Hillary which I had forgotten. President Bill Clinton so loved his wife that he gave her voluminous opportunity to show us how presidential she is. I didn’t remember all the facts, but I do remember the fight for Hillary Care. Thankfully, it was rejected by a Democratic house. In 2009, Obama put his name on her plan, and America swallowed the bait, hook, line, and sinker. Now we are stuck with Obama Care.

clinton-benghazi_3

I wonder how Bill would answer that?

Here are the facts:
When Bill Clinton was president, he allowed Hillary to assume authority over a health care reform. Even after [her] threats and intimidation, she couldn’t even get a vote in a democratic controlled congress. This fiasco cost the American taxpayers about $13 million in cost for studies, promotion, and other efforts.

Then President Clinton gave Hillary authority over selecting a female attorney general. Her first two selections were Zoe Baird and Kimba Wood – both were forced to withdraw their names from consideration.

Next she chose Janet Reno – husband Bill described her selection as “my worst mistake.” Some may not remember that Reno made the decision to gas David Koresh and the Branch Davidian religious sect in Waco, Texas resulting in deaths of dozens of women and children.

Husband Bill allowed Hillary to make recommendations for the head of the Civil Rights Commission. Lani Guanier was her selection. When a little probing led to the discovery of Ms. Guanier’s radical views, her name had to be withdrawn from consideration.

Apparently a slow learner, husband Bill allowed Hillary to make some more recommendations. She chose former law partners Web Hubbel for the Justice Department, Vince Foster for the White House staff, and William Kennedy for the Treasury Department. Her selections went well: Hubbel went to prison, Foster (presumably) committed suicide, and Kennedy was forced to resign.

Many younger voters will have no knowledge of “Travelgate”. Hillary wanted to award unfettered travel contracts to Clinton friend Harry Thompson – but the White House Travel Office refused to comply. She managed to have them reported to the FBI and fired. This ruined their reputations, cost them their jobs, and caused a thirty-six month investigation. Only one employee, Billy Dale was charged with a crime, and that of the enormous crime of mixing personal and White House funds. A jury acquitted him of any crime in less than two hours.

Still not convinced of her ineptness, Hillary was allowed to recommend a close Clinton friend, Craig Livingstone, for the position of Director of White House security. When Livingstone was investigated for the improper access of about 900 FBI files of Clinton enemies (Filegate) and the widespread use of drugs by White House staff, suddenly Hillary and the president denied even knowing Livingstone, and of course, denied knowledge of drug use in the White House. Following this debacle, the FBI closed its White House Liaison Office after more than thirty years of service to seven presidents.

Next, when women started coming forward with allegations of sexual harassment and rape by Bill Clinton, Hillary was put in charge of the “bimbo eruption” and scandal defense. Some of her more notable decisions in the debacle were:

She urged her husband not to settle the Paula Jones lawsuit. After the Starr investigation they settled with Ms. Jones.

She refused to release the Whitewater documents, which led to the appointment of Ken Starr as Special Prosecutor. After $80 million dollars of taxpayer money was spent, Starr’s investigation led to Monica Lewinsky, which led to Bill lying about and later admitting his affairs.

Hillary’s devious game plan resulted in Bill losing his license to practice law for ‘lying under oath’ to a grand jury and then his subsequent impeachment by the House of Representatives.

Hillary avoided indictment for perjury and obstruction of justice during the Starr investigation by repeating, “I do not recall”, “I have no recollection”, and “I don’t know” a total of 56 times while under oath.

After leaving the White House, Hillary was forced to return an estimated $200,000 in White House furniture, china, and artwork that she had stolen.

What a swell party – ready for another four, or eight, years of this type of low-life mess?

Now we are exposed to the destruction of possibly incriminating emails while Hillary was Secretary of State, and the “pay to play” schemes of the Clinton Foundation – we have no idea what shoe will fall next. But to her loyal [low-information] fans – “What difference does it make…?”

***************************************************

Finally, I can only say, Hillary doesn’t need my help to lose the election, she will do it all by herself. This morning I scrolled Facebook and found some responses to a conservative meme. The obnoxious comments were from very liberal democrats who projected the impression that democrats will vote for Hillary even if she is convicted of selling her baby grand daughter to human traffickers.

How To Create White Racists

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Quite possibly the most racist article you will ever read

This is a very insightful article written by a liberal Public Defender about his defense of black people. At first I thought it was too long to read, but when I got into it I couldn’t stop reading.

murderbymedia3

Still liberal after all these years.

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I am a public defender in a large southern metropolitan area. Fewer than ten percent of the people in the area I serve are black but over 90 per cent of my clients are black. The remaining ten percent are mainly Hispanics but there are a few whites.

I have explanation for why this is, but crime has racial patterns. Hispanics usually commit two kinds of crime: sexual assault on children and driving under the influence. Blacks commit many violent crimes but very few sex crimes. The handful of whites I see commit all kinds of crimes. In my many years as a public defender I have represented only three Asians, and one was half black.

As a young lawyer, I believed the official story that blacks are law abiding, intelligent, family-oriented people, but are so poor they must turn to crime to…

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