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Funtime-171104-Seven Days In A Week
PSA-170823-More Useless Info
32 Things To Get Your Mind Off Politics…..I never knew
1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
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Today’s Senior Wisdom

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170623-Funnies
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their
parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell
their stories. There were all the regular type stuff, spilled milk and pennies saved. Then teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Ernie
was left. ‘Ernie, do you have a story to share?
‘Yes ma’am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t
break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.’ ‘Good Heavens‘ said the horrified teacher. ‘What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?’ ‘Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she’s drinking’ |
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SCOTTISH WEDDING
At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled… “Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.”
The bartender was almost crushed to death. SEX
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore…
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband. Poor Lance Armstrong –
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong,especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn’t even find my bike! Drive By SCAM Best Regards, So True Pregnant Prostitute QANTAS Paddy replies “I don’t know! It’s your bloody plane!! “
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PSA-170507-Science Stuff
A friend shared this and it gave me a laugh so I’ll share it
with you. Hope you haven’t seen it.
Units Of Measure
1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God= 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year
8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Sterling
9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon
10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
11. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
12. Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
13. 2,000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
14. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
15. 1,000 cc’s of wet socks = 1 literhosen
16. 8 nickels = 2 paradigm
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170428-End of Month Titter
How about a few funny stories on a Friday afternoon?
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society. ‘In fact’, he pointed out, ‘some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society’.
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’
‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery, asked the couple’?
‘Because I’m the artist, who painted the picture,’ he replied.
‘In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
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They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach and play golf.
At age 30, they finish their round of golf and go to lunch.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight shorts, and the legs”
“OK.”
Ten years later at age 40 they play.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.
“Why?”
“Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games.”
“OK.”
Ten years later at age 50 they play a round of golf.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking.”
”OK.”
At age 60 they play a round of golf.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“Wings are half price.”
“OK”
At age 70 they play a round of golf.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door.”
“OK.”
At age 80 they play a round of golf.
“Where you wanna go?”
“Hooters.”
“Why?”
“We’ve never been there before.”
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The Jewish man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said:
“I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen an Italian funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”
“My wife’s.”
‘What happened to her?”
“She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.”
He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse”
“My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her and killed her also.”
A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.


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Holy Humor During Holy Week

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