Fake News-170311-Mexical

 

Shovel ReadyPRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCES SALE OF CALIFORNIA TO MEXICO

WASHINGTON (AP) – At 12:15 pm EST today President Trump will disclose that he has reached an agreement with Enrique Pena Nieto, President of Mexico, which provides for the sale of substantially all of the State of California to the country of Mexico. President Trump noted that this deal, which he claims “is his largest real estate deal ever” is a win-win for everyone involved.

One of the benefits he says he will highlight during a prime time address from the oval office later this evening, will include using the proceeds received by the US from Mexico to:
1) pay for the Wall (fulfilling yet another campaign promise), a wall which >> will now include the length of the eastern border of California,
2) fund all the infrastructure spending in the remaining 49 states and 3) pay to relocate the 67 Republicans that currently reside in California.
3) He also noted that the Federal money saved from the reduction of California citizens on US social programs will allow those social programs to be cash positive in less than three years. Mexican President Nieto announced that he has already introduced a bill to the Mexican Congress asking to change his country’s name to MexiCal.

Other benefits President Trump intends to discuss during this evening’s prime time address include:
– California will now be able to act as a sanctuary state within MexiCal, noting that there is much more room for the refugees who will find the climate in the State of California more desirable than the climate in US cities such as NYC, Detroit or Chicago.
– The elimination of the existing border between Mexico and California will allow drugs to flow more freely between Mexico and the users in Hollywood. Drug tunnel diggers at the Tijuana border will now be able to use their skills to dig tunnels under Los Angeles to help ease congestion in that city and allow rioters to move about the city’s universities more freely.
– The U.S. taxpayer will no longer be on the hook for any future disaster relief required once the next mega-earthquake hits California.
– The space in the Capitol and other DC buildings vacated by representatives of California will be fumigated and turned into “time-out rooms” for the press as well as Liberty Centers where citizens can meet with their congressmen to discuss the pursuit of economic freedom.

Nancy Pelosi released a statement stating that she looks forward to making the Mexican President’s life miserable and prefers the year- round weather in Mexico City to that of DC. Her office has already announced a schedule of fund raising activities for what is believed to be an upcoming campaign to run for President of MexiCal.

California residents will be issued special blue cards to cross the border into the U.S. so that the total number of California liberals entering the US can be tracked, and at any point in time not exceed predetermined levels. Residents who remain in California after the effective date of the sale will not be allowed to seek refugee status in the US in the future.

Mexican President Nieto stated he is thrilled with the deal and is looking forward to declaring Spanish the national language for his newly acquired territory. He also noted that funding for the transaction would come from the Mexican drug cartels, which have agreed to provide low interest loans to Mexico so long as they are allowed to move their cash out of Switzerland and the Cayman Islands back into Mexico tax free. He also said he considers the fact that a Disney park will now be located within his country an added bonus.

White House representatives refused to confirm rumors that a similar deal was in the works for the sale of Northeastern states from NY through Maine, to Canada.

President Trump wrapped up his statement stating, “this deal is HUGE and will help Make America, albeit a little smaller, Great Again”.

Wishful Thinking

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BREAKING NEWS

PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCES SALE OF CALIFORNIA TO MEXICO

WASHINGTON (AP) – at 12:15 PM

Today President Trump disclosed that he has reached an agreement with Enrique Pena Nieto, President of Mexico, which provides for the sale of substantially all of the State of California to the country of Mexico.
President Trump noted that this deal, which he claims “is his largest real estate deal ever,” is a win-win for everyone involved. One of the benefits he says he will highlight during a prime time address from the oval office later this evening, will include using the proceeds received by the US from Mexico to:

1) pay for the Wall (fulfilling yet another campaign promise), a wall which will now include the length of the eastern border of California;

2) fund all the infrastructure spending in the remaining 49 states;

3) and pay to relocate the 67 Republicans that currently reside in California.

He also noted that Federal money saved from the reduction of California citizens on US social programs will allow those social programs to be cash positive in less than 3 years.

Mexican President Nieto announced that he has already introduced a bill to the Mexican Congress asking to change his country’s name to MexiCal.

Other benefits President Trump intends to discuss during this evening’s prime time address include: California will now be able to act as a sanctuary state within MexiCal noting that there is much more room for the refugees who will find the climate in the State of California more desirable than the climate in US cities such as NYC, Detroit or Chicago.

The elimination of the existing border between Mexico and California will allow drugs to flow more freely between Mexico and the users in Hollywood. Drug tunnel diggers at the Tijuana border will now be able to use their skills to dig tunnels under Los Angeles to help ease congestion in that city and allow rioters to move about the city’s universities more freely.

The U.S. taxpayer will no longer be on the hook for any future disaster relief required once the next megaquake hits California.

The space in the U.S. Capitol and other DC buildings vacated by representatives of California will be fumigated and turned into “time-out rooms” for the press as well as Liberty Centers where US citizens can meet with their congressmen to discuss the pursuit of economic freedom.

Nancy Pelosi released a statement stating that she looks forward to making the Mexican President’s life miserable and prefers the year round weather in Mexico City to that of DC. Her office has already announced a schedule of fund raising activities for what is believed to be an upcoming campaign to run for President of MexiCal.

Papers released along with Trump’s statement reveal that a newly incorporated real estate company, pmurT, Inc., which was intimately involved in the deal discussions, will receive a broker fee of $25 billion on the California sale. An anonymous pmurT, Inc. representative has revealed that the profits on the deal are HUGE and will be used to purchase, develop and convert all abandoned US Federal facilities in California into special high end retreats and resorts which will assist California residents with managing their euphoria and transition into the nanny state they have so long desired to be.

The exact northern border of the new MexiCal is still under negotiation. Apparently the White House is concerned that certain members of congress may be unwilling to give up California’s wine country, and are suggesting that the northern border align with the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge.

California residents will be issued special blue cards to cross the border into the US so that the total number of California liberals entering the US can be tracked and at any point in time not exceed predetermined levels.
Residents that remain in California after the effective date of the sale will not be allowed to seek refugee status in the US in the future.

Mexican President Nieto stated he is thrilled with the deal and is looking forward to declaring Spanish the national language for his newly acquired territory and opening SSL (Spanish as a second language) schools throughout California.
He also noted that funding for the transaction would come from the Mexican drug cartels, which have agreed to provide low interest loans to Mexico so long as they are allowed to move their cash out of Switzerland and the Cayman Islands back into Mexico tax free.
He also said he considers the fact that a Disney park will now be located within his country an added bonus.

White House representatives refused to confirm rumors that a similar deal was in the works for the sale of Northeastern states from NY through Maine, to Canada.

President Trump wrapped up his statement stating, “This deal is HUGE and will help make America, albeit a little smaller, great again.”

Not Much Has Changed

Gabe-leonard-2009-the-shootout-western-art

I got this from my good friend Dorothy.

Do you know what happened 163 years ago on 

September 9, 1850?

California became a state!

The people had no electricity.
The state had no money.
Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically NOTHING has changed except, 


THEN

the women had real boobs,

and the men didn’t hold hands.

 That, my friends, is the history lesson for today.

The High Cost Of Presidential Travel

The last two days I have posted suggestions for which non-essential services to cut during the government shut-down. Cousin Sharon from the great socialist state of California sent a video that adds credence to my argument. Unfortunately for Sharon, she is the very last Republican in California. Watch this short film to learn some interesting facts about the high cost of the presidency.

The High Cost of Presidential Travel

Terrorism by Fire

I’ve heard of Baptism by Fire, but never Terrorism by Fire, yet here is a video which specifically cites Al Qaeda as the arsonist on several forest fires in California this year. Why haven’t we heard this reported by any of the news organizations including Fox?

In a million years, I would never have visioned a forest fire as a way to inflict economic damage and terror. Yet, when I hear it reported, it makes logical sense. I have to hand it to al Qaeda for dreaming up this one. I wonder if the al Qaeda members who started the known fires entered the USA by walking across our Southern borders unchallenged and abetted by Obama and his policy to ignore the existing immigration laws.

“We the People” certainly need to change the leader of the country with someone who cares about America and can relate to war, and it is not Hillary.

**

 

Buy American, Stimulate the Economy

It was my practice to acknowledge contributors, but since the NSA is collecting our every keystroke and spying on us, I cannot tell you that this funny came from my cousin Sharon in California. Did ya get that NSA?

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Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another ‘EconomicStimulus’ payment.

 This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

 Q. What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment ?

 A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

 Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

 A. From taxpayers.

 Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

 A. Only a smidgen of it.

 Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

 A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

 Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?

 A. Shut up.

 Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

 * If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .

 * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

 * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .

 * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico ,Honduras and Guatemala ..

 * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

 * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

 * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

 Instead, keep the money in America by:

 1) Spending it at yard sales, or

 2) Going to ball games, or

 3) Spending it on prostitutes,

 4) Beer or

 5) Tattoos.

 (These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

 Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.

 

Five Surgeons

This is an old story, but it makes me laugh every time I read it. The problem is that the diagnoses on the fifth patient is so true it is sadder than it is funny. Thanks Rick for today’s chuckle.

####################################################################################

UNTITL~1111

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best

patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, ‘I like to see accountants

on my operating table because when you open them up, everything

inside is numbered.’

The second, from Chicago, responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try

electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.’

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, ‘No, I really think librarians

are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: ‘You know, I like

construction workers…Those guys always understand when you have

a few parts left over.’

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC  shut them all up when

he observed: ‘You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine..

Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.’

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