Laugh Dammit

marinevisitsmarine.jpg

  1. A Marine in a Nursing Home

The family of a retired Marine Master Gunnery Sergeant with 32 years in the Corps reluctantly decided that at age 92, he needed more care than they could provide. The only  decent place close to their home was a nursing home for retired  soldiers. They approached the facility and were told that, while Army vets got first choice, they would take vets of the other services if there happened to be an opening; which, by good fortune, there was.

A week after placing the retired Marine there, his sons came to visit.”How do you like it here, Pop?” they asked.

“It’s wonderful,” said the old Marine. “Great chow, lots to do, and they treat everyone with great respect.”

“How so, Pop?”

“Well, take Harry, across the hall, 88 and was in the Air Force. He hasn’t worn the uniform in 30 years, but they still call him ‘General.’

Then George, down the hall, used to lead the Army band. Hasn’t conducted a note in 40 years, but they still call him ‘Maestro!’

And Bob used to be a surgeon in the Navy, has not operated on anyone in 20 years, but they still call him ‘Doctor.”

“That’s fine for the other guys, Pop, but how do they treat you?

“Me? They treat me with even more respect. I’m 92, haven’t had sex in 10 years, and they still call me, That F***ing Marine!”

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

This one is why I’m on the Government’s Blacklist.1.jpg

2. Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second, from Chicago, responds, “Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, “No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: “You know, I like Construction workers…Those guys always understand when you have A few parts left over.”

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when He observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine. Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.”

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

3 sons

1464755.jpg

A father told his three sons when he sent them to the university “I feel it’s my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it; as a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die.”

And so it happened.  The sons became a doctor, a lawyer, and a  financial planner, each very successful financially. When they saw their father in the coffin one day, they remembered his wish. First it was the doctor who put ten $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased. Then came the financial planner, who put a $1,000 bill there, too.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer’s turn.  He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000.

He put it into his father’s coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

  1. Heartwarming Story

mqdefault.jpg

A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope. He became

very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels.  He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all. He started thinking, “What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself?  I still have one good arm to do things with.” He thought, “There goes  a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with  his life.”

He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms  and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began  dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.

He asked, “Why are  you so happy anyway?”

He said, “I’m NOT happy. My balls itch.”

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Why did the chicken cross the road?

chicken-cross-the-road.jpg

DONALD TRUMP: We will build a big wall to keep illegal chickens from crossing the road. We will have a door for legal chickens.

JOHN KERRY: We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed

the road or not.

CHRIS CHRISTIE: We need to water board that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.

RAND PAUL: It’s none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.

NANCY PELOSI: We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.

CARLY FIORINA: Hilary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.

BRIAN WILLIAMS: I crossed the road with the chicken.

BEN CARSON: This isn’t brain surgery. To look for pyramids… it wanted grain.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road.

We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.

The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

BERNIE SANDERS: That little chicken will pay 80% income taxes no matter what side of the road it’s on. He’s got to help finance free college even for those that just want a four year vacation.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

If you didn’t at least chuckle at something here you are not inclined to humor.

Libs, Don’t Get Your Shorts In a Knot

bloomersgif-e1442279346419.gif

A well written piece of satire by Tim Fox

Caution, Hilarious!
Crisis at the Canadian Border – A Prescient Look at the Consequences of a Republican Win in November.
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The Republican Presidential primary campaign is prompting an
exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the Constitution.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists, and “green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though, and some kale chips.”
When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the Constitution.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara Streisand c.d.’s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

This Is Scary As Hell

images-12.jpeg

HERE IS SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!!!!!!!!

A lot of people have brought up the fact that they won’t vote for Trump if he’s the eventual nominee. I just want to put something in perspective.
Justice Scalia’s seat is vacant. Ginsberg is 82 years old, Kennedy is 79, Breyer is 77, and Thomas is 67. Nowadays, the data shows that the average age of a Supreme Court retirement or death occurs after 75.
These are 5 vacancies that will likely come up over the next 4-8 years. The next President will have the power to potentially create a 7-2 Supreme Court skewed in their ideology.
Think about that… 7-2. If the next President appoints 5 young justices, it will guarantee control of the Supreme Court for an entire generation. And 7-2 decisions will hold up much more over time than 5-4 decisions which are seemed to be lacking in mandate.
Hillary has made it clear she will use the Supreme Court to go after the 2nd Amendment. She has literally said that the Supreme Court was wrong in its Heller decision stating that the Court should overturn and remove the individual right to keep and bear arms. Period.
Everyone saying that they won’t vote for one candidate or the other if they are the GOP nominee, please realize this. If Hillary Clinton wins and gets to make these appointments, you likely will never see another Conservative victory at the Supreme Court level for the rest of your life. Ever.
If you are a Conservative, a vote for anyone but the GOP nominee, whomever that will be, is a vote for Hillary Clinton.

I Know I Made You Smile

cartoons/humor/fiction/nonfiction

Attila Ovari

Loving Life and Inspiring Others

Remember The 14 Words

We Must Secure The Existence Of Our People And A Future For White Children

galesmind

Come take a journey through my mind

Nutsrok

The humor and humanity of storytelling.

Henry Game

The Next Testament

Reclaim Our Republic

Knowledge Is Power

Gamintraveler

Digital Nomads on a World Travel

summershaffer

A topnotch WordPress.com site

blogsense-by-barb

at the Re-Birth of America!

The Honking Goose

something to honk about

The Dangers of Allah

Confused about Islam, Muslims, Taqiyya, Kitman, The Islamic State, and Sharia? I've spent 14 years studying these confused beings.  They are not at all what they want us to believe, especially those who are ruled by al Qaeda , ISIS and the Muslim Brotherhood as well as those who commit overt and covert Jihad while practicing Sharia tortures upon women

dancingczars.wordpress.com/

“ The limitation of riots, moral questions aside, is that they cannot win and their participants know it. Hence, rioting is not revolutionary but reactionary because it invites defeat. It involves an emotional catharsis, but it must be followed by a sense of futility. ” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

THE WAKING GIANT

United States Second Amendment Pitbull

Caustic Synergy

United and alone in the world

ELLIOT LAKE News

Road To Political INcorrect Content & Forbidden Knowledge -- Yours To Discover

tutorials4view

Watch free tutorials in Full HD (1080p) quality video tutorials, sorted by subjects, like: Photoshop, Gimp, Facebook, Torrents, Windows 7, Windows 8, Windows 8.1, Viruses and malware removal ( like ask,com, vqo6, Babylon ) and more and more.. If you like our tutorials and guided, please SUBSCRIBE to out channel at: http://www.youtube.com/user/ShaiSoft - tutorials4view.

Aspiring Conservative

Conservative blog with articles about today's politics!

Conservative Kentucky

Reality From my Perspective

Creeping Sharia

Documenting the Islamization of America

Hearing Aid News

HEAR it HERE first! The latest on developments in hearing aids and the hearing industry.

Socialism is not the Answer

Limited Government Is

leaf and twig

where observation and imagination meet nature in poetry

chBrott

yutyfrter

Just Cruisin 2

Where Intellectuals and Rednecks foregather.