Squeeze Contest

Posted on 17/11/2013 by Grumpa Joe
This image shows a whole and a cut lemon.

This image shows a whole and a cut lemon. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Squeezer
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.  The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.  Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.Many people had tried …. Over time: weightlifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody could do it.  One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a small voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, “OK”; grabbed the lemon; and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow.  But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence …. As the man clenched his little fist around the lemon …. And six drops fell into the glass.As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man: “What do you do for a living?  Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?”The little fellow quietly replied: “I work for the IRS.”

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Today’s Lesson

Posted on 15/11/2013 by Grumpa Joe

Colonel Lou, retired Air Force sent me this. As always Lou is spot on. I have seen this many times but I love it so I want the world to see it. It is fine example of how big government logic works.

Irony

Two Statements that speak volumes:
Irony 1 “We are told NOT to judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics.”BUT on the other hand…….

“We are also encouraged TO judge ALL Gun Owners by the actions of a few lunatics.”

How is that supposed to work…..??????

Irony 2.The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 47 million people as of the most recent figures available in 2013.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us “Please Do Not Feed the Animals.”Their stated reason for the policy is because “The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.”


Thus Ends Today’s Lesson On Irony

Maybe the National Park service should run the country and treat us all as animals, after all we are mammals.

IMG

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They Gave Him Everything

Posted on 15/11/2013 by Grumpa Joe

This video expresses my sentiments completely, but liberals will label me racist again if I voice it as eloquently as the Reverend Phillip Manning.

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Irish Diet

Posted on 14/11/2013 by Grumpa Joe

Grumpa Joe is in need of some serious weight loss so he fell for this diet, hook-line-and sinker.

My Weight Loss Coach

My Weight Loss Coach (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 

“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day …
And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs.! 

“That’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The Irishman nodded…

“I’ll tell you though, be all the saints, I tot I were going to drop down dead on dat turd day.” 
 
“You mean from the hunger?” asked the doctor. 

“No, from the bloody skipping!” 

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U.S. Sheriffs Rise Up Against Federal Government: Sheriff Threatens Feds With SWAT Team ~ Grass Roots Take Charge!

Posted on 14/11/2013 by Grumpa Joe

For once I understand the positive of a small community owning armored vehicles, and training a SWAT team. My first opinion was that it is another attempt by the Feds to plan an overthrow of the government. Now, with this article I can see the positive side of things. Will County Illinois is currently campaigning for a new sherif candidate Nick Ficarello, Anyone who has an opportunity to attend one of his events ask him how he intends to use his SWAT team and Armored vehicles: will he use them to protect us from an illegal Fed takeover of property or to follow Federal orders to control us.

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