Posted on 22/03/2016 by Grumpa Joe

July, 1996

Seven year old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.

“What’s your name?”, asked the teacher.

“Mohammad,” he replied.

“You’re in Ireland now,” replied the teacher, “So from now on you will be known as Mike.”

Mohammad returned home after school.

“How was your day, Mohammad?”, his mother asked.

“My name is not Mohammad. I’m in Ireland and now my name is Mike.

“Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!” And his mother beat the shit out of him. Then she called his father, who beat the shit out of him again.

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The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his fresh bruises.

“What happened to you, Mike?”, she asked.

“Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two f******g Muslims

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Irish Diet

Posted on 14/11/2013 by Grumpa Joe

Grumpa Joe is in need of some serious weight loss so he fell for this diet, hook-line-and sinker.

My Weight Loss Coach

My Weight Loss Coach (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 

“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day …
And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs.! 

“That’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The Irishman nodded…

“I’ll tell you though, be all the saints, I tot I were going to drop down dead on dat turd day.” 
 
“You mean from the hunger?” asked the doctor. 

“No, from the bloody skipping!” 

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