Some ACA Funnies

In the interest of having some fun, I post these racist, derogatory, demeaning, hilarious memes and anecdote.

1. Dental Care

Untitled attachment 001552 Healthcare.gov website

WARNING: After a recent wave of identify thefts, the FBI estimates there are over 500 fake Obamacare websites set up for the sole purpose of stealing your personal information. So protect yourself and remember: the real one is the one that doesn’t work.

3. End of Life Care

SOMEONE IS PAYING ATTENTION
IN NASCAR COUNTRY

MailAttachment

4. Healthcare.gov management team

ACA-Monkeys

No Cronies In This Administration

tonitowneswhitleywithobamas1

The 600 million dollar website that doesn’t work was made by a company with a lousy track record and a top executive who’s a pal of the First Lady, Toni Townes-Whitley, Princeton class of ’85, is senior vice president at CGI Federalwhich earned the no-bid contract to build the $600 million Obama care enrollment website at Healthcare.gov. George Schindler, the president of the Canadian-based CGI Group, CGI Federal’s parent company, became an Obama 2012 campaign donor after his company gained the Obama care website contract…….Three other companies submitted bids for Obama care, but CGI s bid was the only one considered.   CAN WE GET OUR MONEY BACK.

How Did Moses Make His Tea?

Energizer Bunny

Energizer Bunny (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

punography:

·I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

·When chemists die, they barium.

·Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

·I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

·How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

·I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

·This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

·I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

·I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

·At the hospital they told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

·A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

·PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

·Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

·Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory– I hope there’s no pop quiz.

·The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.

·The old man didn’t like his beard at first. Then it grew on him.

·Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

·When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

·What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

·I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

·Broken pencils are pointless.

·What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

·England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

·I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

·All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

·I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

·Velcro – what a rip off!

·Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

·Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

·Earthquake in Washington obviously the government’s fault.

·I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Squeeze Contest

This image shows a whole and a cut lemon.

This image shows a whole and a cut lemon. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Squeezer
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.  The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.  Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.Many people had tried …. Over time: weightlifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody could do it.  One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a small voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, “OK”; grabbed the lemon; and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow.  But the crowd’s laughter turned to total silence …. As the man clenched his little fist around the lemon …. And six drops fell into the glass.As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man: “What do you do for a living?  Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?”The little fellow quietly replied: “I work for the IRS.”

Today’s Lesson

Colonel Lou, retired Air Force sent me this. As always Lou is spot on. I have seen this many times but I love it so I want the world to see it. It is fine example of how big government logic works.

Irony

Two Statements that speak volumes:
Irony 1 “We are told NOT to judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics.”BUT on the other hand…….

“We are also encouraged TO judge ALL Gun Owners by the actions of a few lunatics.”

How is that supposed to work…..??????

Irony 2.The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 47 million people as of the most recent figures available in 2013.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us “Please Do Not Feed the Animals.”Their stated reason for the policy is because “The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.”


Thus Ends Today’s Lesson On Irony

Maybe the National Park service should run the country and treat us all as animals, after all we are mammals.

IMG

They Gave Him Everything

This video expresses my sentiments completely, but liberals will label me racist again if I voice it as eloquently as the Reverend Phillip Manning.

Irish Diet

Grumpa Joe is in need of some serious weight loss so he fell for this diet, hook-line-and sinker.

My Weight Loss Coach

My Weight Loss Coach (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 

“I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day …
And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs.! 

“That’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”

The Irishman nodded…

“I’ll tell you though, be all the saints, I tot I were going to drop down dead on dat turd day.”
 

 
“You mean from the hunger?” asked the doctor. 

No, from the bloody skipping!” 

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