Ancient Authors

School days left me void of literature. I keep hearing about friends who read books during their early school years and even had required book lists to work from. I do not remember having such an assignment. Today, and for the past forty years I have given myself a challenge to read fifty-two books a year. To keep things interesting, I mix up fiction with non-fiction. The non-fiction category is not my favorite, but I endure it nevertheless. Then comes fiction, and I have often spoken about John Steinbeck being my favorite author. He wrote about the Great Depression and the times he lived, and I find that hearing his descriptions fascinating. Another favorite author is James Michener, who based his fiction on real history and included genealogy, geology, astronomy, astrology, ancestry, and much more in describing the era of his work. His stories were never short.

When I browse my library for material it is very easy to stay in the new fiction genre. After a few of these reads they begin to sound alike, so the next time I will head for the stacks to find an author whose name I know, but have never read. This time I decided to check out William Faulkner. His works were published in the forties, and fifties. I selected a volume which has his first four works combined into one volume. I’m reading Go Down, Moses. I suspect this story would be banned by most schools because of the use of the word ‘nigger’ to describe former black slaves who were working as free men but living like slaves in abject poverty. Faulkner does a credible job of formalizing the pronunciation of the black vocabulary, but it is not easy to read. Combine that with the very small print used to fit the four novels into one volume of 1072 pages, and it is slow and hard to comprehend.

At this point in the book I am still unable to formulate whether I like the story or the writing. I will endure this first work and move on to the next one just to save a trip to the library.

How Did Moses Make His Tea?

Energizer Bunny

Energizer Bunny (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

punography:

·I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

·When chemists die, they barium.

·Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

·I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

·How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

·I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

·This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

·I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

·I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

·At the hospital they told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

·A dyslexic man walks into a bra .

·PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

·Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

·Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory– I hope there’s no pop quiz.

·The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery.

·The old man didn’t like his beard at first. Then it grew on him.

·Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

·When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

·What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

·I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

·Broken pencils are pointless.

·What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

·England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

·I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

·All the toilets in New York ‘s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

·I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

·Velcro – what a rip off!

·Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

·Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

·Earthquake in Washington obviously the government’s fault.

·I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

It is Funny Folks, Laugh

Depressed Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , “Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.” Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, “Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land.” Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land! I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc …. I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck…… Folks, we’re screwed.

Thanks Ray, I had a good laugh.