The Beauty of Age

BAC-ATM-with-Teller-Assist-photo-12

Having recently experienced a similar exasperation while dealing with my bank over the phone this piece stuck me as hilarious. I only regret that I did not think of this first. I guess I am not old enough to conjure up this kind of logical thinking.

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Elderly Banking… …………..PRICELESS

!! Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 82-year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which  your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me.
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7 again
#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrange-
ment.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?

Your Humble Client

And remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

It is Political Not Religious

Islam_Rising

The melting-pot of the world is currently importing refugees by the millions from countries like Syria, and  Iraq. All these helpless people want is a safe place to live where they can worship as they please. The problem is they are Muslims. Muslims worship Islam which is not a religion but a political ideology. They cannot, nor will not assimilate into the melting-pot society. They pretend to want to, but when push comes to shove, they radicalize and flip to the dark side of Islam.

All across the melting-pot, muslims get off airplanes into strange cities, and are given places to live with money. It is my contention that we are doing the opposite of what we should be doing. Thousands of Christians in muslim countries are being slaughtered in the name of Allah. It strikes me that Christians from Iraq and Syria would make much better citizens in the melting-pot than the political ideology driven muslims. Christians know how to live with the ten commandments and local statutes. Christians will not spew venom from the Koran stating they can never follow local laws because they are not from God. I have a clue for the muslims, neither is the Koran the word of God, it is from Mohamed a mortal just like the rest of us. One can argue that Jesus was also a mortal, so what is the difference? Good people know that Jesus is the Son of God, therefore his teachings are closer to God than those of the Koran which are from a mortal who created an identity as one close to God. Mohamed is closer to the anti-christ than he is to God

Write, call, or e-mail your Congressman today, and tell him you want only Christian refugees from muslim countries to be allowed into the melting-pot. Also tell him that Islam is not a religion it is a political ideology.

Some ACA Funnies

In the interest of having some fun, I post these racist, derogatory, demeaning, hilarious memes and anecdote.

1. Dental Care

Untitled attachment 001552 Healthcare.gov website

WARNING: After a recent wave of identify thefts, the FBI estimates there are over 500 fake Obamacare websites set up for the sole purpose of stealing your personal information. So protect yourself and remember: the real one is the one that doesn’t work.

3. End of Life Care

SOMEONE IS PAYING ATTENTION
IN NASCAR COUNTRY

MailAttachment

4. Healthcare.gov management team

ACA-Monkeys

An Old Dog Who Knows Better Verifies It

Quite often I lecture Miss Peggy about the evils of placing plastic restaurant take home containers into the micro-wave to reheat a meal. She always listens and we place the food into a glass or ceramic container to heat. On this day, I got lazy and decided to test a particular takeout container; it appeared somewhat heavier than most we have received. Why not? I was being lazy and placed the food into the micro within the original take-home clamshell. I set the cook time for two minutes and felt nothing would happen in so short a time. WRONG! I looked at the container at one minute and forty-five seconds and jumped to shut the machine off. The sturdy plastic container was about to encapsulate my lunch. The issue here is that I know better. Having spent forty years molding various plastics and reading many Material Safety Data Sheets (MSDS) about the limits of plastics, I knew that styrene has an extremely low melt point. I knew that styrene is amorphous therefore it softens into the liquid state, as opposed to a crystalline material that has a sharp melt point like ice. Ice reaches the melt temp before it begins to melt. I knew that a low melt temp plastic like styrene also has a low combustion temperature just above the melt temperature. I knew that most plastics will outgas carcinogenic gasses, and or, breakdown into dangerous chemical components. Yet, I foolishly experimented anyway. What a doofus. When the product description warns you to use a micro-wave safe container to heat please heed the warning. So what is a micro-wave safe container? The safest is glass or ceramic. There are some plastics that can take the heat of the microwave, and they will be labeled as such. Please read all warnings and cautions that come with the container. DSCN4682 DSCN4681

Understanding Engineers, Really?

ATT00001

 From my engineer friend (?) Rich. These are funny but so oo true. These stories about engineers are old but worth re-laughing at.

Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
Understanding Engineers #2

To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!” The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” He said, “Hello George, What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” The greens-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.” The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.” The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything she can do for them.” The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”
Understanding Engineers #4

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
Understanding Engineers #6

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
Understanding Engineers #7

Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog – now that’s cool.”

The Tax-Man Cometh

 

Get ready folks., the Tax-man cometh. You really want to punish the rich, but the effect will be on you. The rich will move out of the DIvided States of America and party with the movie stars on the Riviera while we will suffer high gas prices, outrageous food prices, and a lower-income. The rich do not have enough money to pay off the deficit, but we the sheeple collectively do.

It occurred to me today, DUH, that if I have such an aversion to taxation, I should give my pension away and go on welfare, it is the Progressive way.

 

Engineers Having Fun

e-book

e-book (Photo credit: Ángela Espinosa)

Engineer’s love invention. My career as an engineer began when I was eleven years old. A Christmas gift called “The Erector Set” started me in motion to a lifelong career. I write about many of my inventions in a book titled “Jun-e-or” available on Amazon as an e-book for $2.99. Click the book cover on the right to get you there.

Watch this short video to see what kind of fun engineer’s have when working on their design project. My class design project was a gear box which had to transmit 40 horsepower from an electric motor and change the rpm from 1800 to 600. That is just a little different from what the kids in this video had to do.

Thanks Rich for sharing this video, I had a great laugh.

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