Even The Birds Do It

 

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Great quotes on sex

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.”—Lynn Lavner

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”—Camille Paglia

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.”—Sharon Stone

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”—Tiger Woods

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”—Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”—Barbara Bush

​(KILLER)​
“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”—Robin Williams

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”—Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?—“Dustin Hoffman

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, “I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked!”—Jerry Seinfeld

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”—Robin Williams

​(KILLER #2)​

“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom…”—Joan Rivers

“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.”—Steve Martin

“You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.”—Elmo Phillips

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”—Oscar Wilde
“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”—George Burns

PSA-170328-You Need To Know

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The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood Plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.  Oh, go ahead … I’ll wait.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks.  (So, watch your Ass)
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television!
Oak trees do NOT produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.
The King of Hearts is the only King WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE
American Airlines saved $40,000  in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
(Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you?
That women are going in the ‘right’ direction…!
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning …
Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first ‘Marlboro Man’.

Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!

PEARLS DISSOLVE IN VINEGAR!
The ten most valuable brand names on earth:
Apple, Coca Cola, Google, IBM, Microsoft, GE, McDonalds,Samsung, Intel and Toyota ,
in that order.
It IS possible to lead a cow upstairs .. but NOT downstairs.
A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
(I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)
And the best for last…..!
Turtles can breathe through their BUTTS!
(I know some people like that, don’t YOU?)
So……………………
Remember, knowledge is everything,  so pass it on…..
and go move your toothbrush!  And stop folding that DAMN PAPER!

Those Were The Days

One of my most favorite times was the nineteen fifties. Those were the years I went to high school, and college. This video represents everything we loved and hold sacred to this day. I remember listening to Elvis’ big hit “You Ain’t Nothin’ but A Hound Dog” on my first day in college.  The  iconic Chevy and Ford car designs are still loved and most recently are being popularized by the car companies with updated 2016 looks. Those days all predated cell phones, computers, and video games. Heck, we were just getting used to black and white TV. Girls were still pure, and boys were just as horny as ever. If you wanted sex you got married. Religion was still a big thing, and most of us are still active believers. Democrats and Republicans fought like cats and dogs, but somehow managed to agree on issues that were good for the country. Foul language was not tolerated although it existed in private. Women were respected, could cook, could raise babies, and clean, and work too.  The one thing women were not, was educated like they are today. doctors still made house calls, and accepted payment in installments. Emergency rooms, if they existed, were for the mortally wounded. Jobs were plentiful, but did not always require brainpower, rather common sense ability to talk to people and to sell. Most of our fathers were laborers or tradesman. Mothers stayed home to babysit us as did every woman in the neighborhood. There was no need for surveillance cameras everywhere because our mother’s eyes and ears were everywhere. They even had eyes in the back of their heads. Telephones were just coming into homes, some even had private lines. TV broadcast from six in the morning until midnight, and the stations signed off with a prayer, or the Star Spangled Banner. Political conventions were not televised, but were covered extensively by reporters. Newspapers were everywhere. Men made a living selling news, and magazines on busy street corners. Milk, and ice were still being delivered to the front door. Vendors sold fresh fruits and vegetables out of the back of a truck by stopping at several places along a street to shout out their wares. Coal was still a big way to heat homes, and was delivered at your curb. Some people even had the coal company shovel it into the house. My dad shoveled and hauled the coal from the street to the back of the house down the steps into the basement and back through the house to the bin at the front. When I was thirteen I began helping by shoveling, and by fifteen I got the job done by the time dad came home from work. Mother saved and collected old clothes to send to her niece in Yugoslavia, a communist country. Their small two acre farm was confiscated for the good of the common people. They went hungry in Yugoslavia. My Dad did the same for his parents in Czechoslovakia, another communist heaven.

Those were the days, my friends, I would relive them without any complaint.

Lessons Only Age Can Teach

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TAKING A WOMAN TO BED

What is the difference between girls/women
aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

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At 8 you take her to bed and tell her a story

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At 18 you tell her a story and take her to bed

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At 28 you don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed

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At 38 she tells you a story and takes you to bed

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At 48 she tells you a story to avoid going to bed

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At 58 you stay in bed to avoid her story

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At 68 if you take her to bed, that’ll be a story

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At 78 what story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

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According to the office for National Statistics 300 million people are having sex right now

512 million are kissing
and one poor senior is reading emails

You hang in there sunshine…

How Fast Can You Run?

Drama in the Serengeti

A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah. While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, “I’ll bet the antelope gets away.”
The wife answered, “If that antelope survives this one, I’ll give you sex every day for the rest of your life.”
The deadly chase was recorded (less than a minute.) Click here…..

Give Larry the Bird

The BirdThe latest joke in front of Congress is the request to bailout the porn industry. Larry Flynt, publisher of a dirt rag called Hustler is requesting money. He is making a claim that the people of the USA and the World need porn to soothe the woes caused by the economic downturn. Somehow with the population of the earth at 6.8 billion and growing, I just can’t beleive we need porn to make it happen.

I sincerely hope our representatives in government will be wise enough to send Larry home with the bird.

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