Better Than Puns-Churchillisms

A favorite story about Churchill is when at a dinner party a member of the Labor Party’s (the opposition) wife said, “Mr. Churchill, you are despicable.  If I were your wife I’d put poison in your whiskey. ”His reply, “Madam, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”  He always had an appropriate come-back.

PSA-201229-Some Levity Quotes

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz.”  Lynn Lavner 

“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”  George  Burns 

“Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.” Sharon  Stone  

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.” Tiger Woods  

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”  Jack Nicholson 

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”   Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)     

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” Robin Williams  

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” Dustin Hoffman  

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, ‘I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.” Jerry Seinfeld  

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.” Robin Williams  

“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.” Joan Rivers 

“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. “ Steve Martin  

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” Oscar Wilde

PSA-170825-Blackboard Philosophy

These daily signs are inspirational. Everyday for over 20 years a sign has been shown. They should compile them all into a book, assuming that someone has recorded them all as they are in chalk.
A  filling station has become quite a landmark in Gauteng, South Africa, with its daily #PetrolPumpWisdom, which are uplifting quotes written on a chalkboard. Some motorists say they deliberately travel this route just to read the quote which brightens their day. Here’s a selection:
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The lady behind this wonderful initiative at Hutton Hyde Park is Alison Billett.
She told SAPeople: “We inherited the board from the previous owner, Dick Hutton, when we bought the filling station from him almost 20 years ago.
“We continued the tradition and it has become a landmark – more so now that it’s on social media!
chalkboard-quotes11“Not a day goes by when I don’t get a call or a visit from someone to tell me how much they appreciate the message – it seems that every day there’s

something that just speaks to what is going on in someone’s life and that inspires or motivates them.

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“Having people come and tell me their stories and how the quote helped them in some small way is what motivates me to keep writing!

“We use a variety of quotations – some are topical, some are funny, some are inspirational, some even reflect what is going on in my life that day

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“Different things appeal to different people…

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“The boards were spotted by a motivational speaker from the UK, Geoff Ramm, when he was driving by one day and he was so taken by them he includeda piece about them in his book!

“The boards have appeared many times in newspapers and magazines and been spoken about on radio stations all over the world. 9GAG has re-tweeted them a few times too!”

Bob 95 FM in the USA recently posted Alison’s “Rest in Peace” quote which has now been shared over a quarter of a million times around the world!

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Those who would disrespect our flag have never been handed a folded one.

“A veteran is someone who at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to The United States of America for any amount, up to and including their life.”

“The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.”      

George Orwell
Ignorance can be fixed, Stupid is FOREVER!
“Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter.” -Satchel Paige

Even The Birds Do It

 

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Great quotes on sex

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.”—Lynn Lavner

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”—Camille Paglia

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.”—Sharon Stone

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”—Tiger Woods

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”—Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”—Barbara Bush

​(KILLER)​
“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”—Robin Williams

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”—Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?—“Dustin Hoffman

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, “I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked!”—Jerry Seinfeld

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”—Robin Williams

​(KILLER #2)​

“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom…”—Joan Rivers

“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.”—Steve Martin

“You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.”—Elmo Phillips

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”—Oscar Wilde
“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”—George Burns

Number One Is My Favorite

I love getting stuff from friends it makes my blogging life so much easier. Below is a list of quotes by famous people from cousin Rick.

 

Philosophers Of the Century …

1.~ Betsy Salkind… image001-3.jpg

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. 

2.~ Jean Kerr…image002-3.jpg 

The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats. 

3.~ Prince Philip…image003-2.jpg

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.

4.~ Harrison Ford… image004-2.jpg

Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. 

5.~ Spike Milligan…image005-2.jpg 

The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree. 

6.~ Jean Rostand… image006-1.jpg

Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror. 

7.~  Arnold Schwarzenegger… image007-1.jpg

Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million. 

8.~ WH Auden… image008.jpg

We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. 

9.~ Jonathan Katz… image009-1.jpg

In hotel rooms, I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. 

10. ~ Johnny Carson… image010-1.jpg

If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. 

11.~ Warren Tantum… image011-1.jpg(School photo album). 

I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical. 

12.~ Steve Martin…image012-1.jpg 

Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. 

13.~ Jimmy Durante… image013-1.jpg

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. 

14.~ George Roberts.. image014-1.jpg

The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. 

15.~ Jonathan Winters..image015.jpg

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. 

16. ~ Robert Benchley…image016.jpg

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

17. ~ John Glenn…image017.jpg

As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. 

18. ~ David Letterman… image018.jpg

America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. 

19. ~ Howard Hughes… image019.jpg

I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I’m a billionaire. 

20. ~ Old Italian proverb.. image020.jpg

After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. 

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