Lessons Only Age Can Teach

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TAKING A WOMAN TO BED

What is the difference between girls/women
aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

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At 8 you take her to bed and tell her a story

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At 18 you tell her a story and take her to bed

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At 28 you don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed

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At 38 she tells you a story and takes you to bed

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At 48 she tells you a story to avoid going to bed

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At 58 you stay in bed to avoid her story

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At 68 if you take her to bed, that’ll be a story

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At 78 what story? What bed? Who the hell are you?

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According to the office for National Statistics 300 million people are having sex right now

512 million are kissing
and one poor senior is reading emails

You hang in there sunshine…

Old Guys Rule

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Wisdom Of A Senior

There is no senior discount for reading this!!!

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so.

Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

7. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.

8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

12. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

14. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They’re everywhere.

16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..

17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.

18. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

20. Have I sent this message to you before…or did I get it from you?

Happy Birthday Aunt Marie

Marie at Ninety-fourIt isn’t easy getting to ninety four. Aunt Marie has done it. She is a physical wreck but still a mental whiz. Her sense of humor is great.

Today, we brought a cake to her home and had a party with her co-residents. The staff came by and sang Happy Birthday with us. Everyone ate cake and all were happy.

Marie is slipping and tired. Maybe the arthritis pain is creeping up on the pain scale, but she seems depressed. Maybe it is her lack of social contact because of her incontinence. She refuses to leave to go out anymore.  Whatever the reason, she is not the same Marie as she has been.

Every week, for the last three and a half years, Peggy and I visit with her. Each time we come home we feel better because Marie has a unique ability to see life as a positive thing. She cheers me up. Today, however, was different. I wasn’t cheered. In fact I became depressed.  Her depression transferred to me.

Birthday Cake

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