CINO, Conservative In Name Only

Posted on 13/04/2012 by Grumpa Joe

Today, I began my war against the terror organization known as Bull Thistle. As I patiently applied toxins to foliage with a brush to keep overspray from killing innocent victims, it finally occurred to me, gardens are naturally conservative. The natural law rules and plants are genetically programmed to win any affront to upset the balance. On the flip side, gardeners are the far left liberals. We constantly try to force our will upon Nature and its horticultural specimens to form a more perfect society. Gardeners are racist too. We chose to believe that some specimens are more desirable than others, and therefore, the undesirables are definitely open to annihilation.

When will we liberal gardeners learn that the order of Nature will persevere?  When will gardeners stop the foolishness of imposing their idea of what is beautiful and morally correct upon nature? Anyone who gardens knows that a beautiful society of plantdom has to be carefully controlled. Unwanted specimens are culled to keep the vision beautiful. If the maintenance slows or if it stops, the vision automatically reverts to the natural order of things. In some cases it reverts to something that is less than natural, because the gardener brought in specimens from outside his zone of influence to fill the lack of diversity. Many times the imports are without predators and thrive within the vision to overtake the locals.

So here I am, a boneheaded Conservative trying to impose my will upon the 2012 Monet Vision, in order to create a Utopian society of horticultural matter in an environment that repels my efforts to create heaven on earth.

“It’s a losin’ fight.” —–WIlliam Bendix as Riley in “The Life of Riley.”

The Life of Riley

The Life of Riley (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Filed under: Conservative, Garden, Gardening, Ponds | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Tea Party Ahead of Obama

Posted on 12/05/2011 by Grumpa Joe

During his recent speech in El Paso, President Obama thought he was being funny when he stated the Republicans want him to “build a moat along the Mexico-USA border, and, they want to put alligators in it.”

Maybe the President reads chain e-mails because I received this suggestion many times from my Tea Party friends for two years. What he fails to realize is that building a moat would bring the economy back by putting millions of people to work. It would be a joint venture with Mexico and the U.S.A. Think about the number of Mexicans that would stay home to work on the moat. The economy of the world would improve. How?  I suggest the moat be expanded into a canal connecting the Pacific Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico. What a bonanza to shipping that would become. Oil being shipped to the Gulf refineries and to the Eastern U.S. would save hundreds of miles and save thousands of gallons of diesel fuel, thus reducing the carbon footprint and guaranteeing the end of man-made global warming.

This supposedly intelligent man fails to see the wisdom of this idea. It is a win-win situation. Implementing this plan would guarantee his second term. He can then steer his excess campaign funds to a Swiss bank for later retrieval. During his retirement he can use the Swiss account to buy Saudi Arabia and rule the Mideast as the true muslim he is.

By the way, this is my second serious proposal for solving the illegal immigration problem. I posted a piece titled Shovel Ready in October of 2010. Follow the link.
Obama will get a bill for a trillion dollars for my consulting services. I will put the money into a trust for all the grandkids he stole it from.

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Trash the EPA

Posted on 10/06/2009 by Grumpa Joe

If there was ever a reason to reduce the size of government it is the current debate about cow farts. The EPA wants to impose a tax on every cow in the country to reduce the amount of methane they produce. The argument is that methane contributes to global warming. Sun flares do too.  If you think I am kidding go to the cow fart tax website to learn more.

If the EPA had a gram of brain power they would have suggested a tax incentive for farmers that capture the methane. We are looking for alternative sources of energy why not cow farts? We capture methane from land fills, so it is totally rational to believe we could capture the gas escaping a cows ass. Instead of putting farmers out of business with this asinine proposal, the EPA would become the heroes of the energy world.

I think we could save more methane by eliminating the entire EPA. After all, their people fart too. Our congress is also a major gas producer. They regularly spew the most horrific stinking laws, and tax increases. They make a cow’s output more like perfume. The idea of the tax is enough to convince me that the EPA minds are in a state of decay. What I have left out of the equation however, is the input from POTUS.

Obama loves a good cow fart

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Perez Hilton = Dog Crap

Posted on 23/04/2009 by Grumpa Joe
My Flag Flies Everyday

My Flag Flies Everyday

Back in January, I wrote a piece titled “Home Gene.” I tried to defend homosexuality as a genetic anomaly. I still believe that to be true, except now I have another amendment to add. In some male homosexuals there is a rather violent propensity to defend their “gayism.” It must be due to the fact that their mother’s let them down during pregnancy. Maybe, just maybe, if I stretch my imagination, guys like Perez Hilton can be explained by a second gene attached to the “Homo Gene” that causes their brains to become dog shit.

I applaud Miss California, Carrie Prejean, for voicing her convictions. I support her belief that marriage is the rightful union of one man to one woman. I will go so far as to defend the gay right to equality; well almost equal. Gayism is an abnormality, and as such can be excluded from laws that define more normal humans such as the marriage law.  If  laws were written to include all contingencies, they would be filled with so many loop holes as to be ineffective.  We can, however, write a special laws to cover the contingencies. For instance, a new law could be written to give homosexual couples the  legal right to each other’s property, and power of attorney over each other. Let’s face it, they can’t bear children. They can adopt, I suppose, and gay women can be inseminated to have a baby. The difference is that the baby is not the offspring of the married couple. The situation with males is even more tenuous.

Unless there is a huge number of gays still in the closet, I would have to proclaim them a minority. Do we have to change every bloomin’ law in the country to specifically include them? If that be true, then I want equal rights to any advantage the gays get from laws specifically tailored for them.

If guys like Perez Hilton keep giving rants, as he recently did, they will only engender more animosity, and hostility toward themselves. He is one gay who should have stayed in the closet. He will set his movement back a hundred years.

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Role Reversal

Posted on 21/04/2009 by Grumpa Joe

I thought the crooks were supposed to be demanding money from the banks.

Cartoon: Take the Cash

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