Will We Keep Cleaning Up the Poop?

Posted on 10/10/2012 by Grumpa Joe

A couple of years ago, I received an inspiration to write an essay about my experience with gardening and conservatism. I called it “How the Garden Has Taught Me Conservatism.” I struggled with the concept that I envisioned. The piece turned out fair. Below is a piece from an e-mail that tells the same idea but with humor and precision. The story comes from Maxine, a famous cartoon character who is known for her outspoken manner. She calls a spade, a spade. Maxine did it again in this piece called “Its Time to Take Down the Bird Feeder.”

editor’s note: 2 October 2013. According to Snopes, this is not attributed to Maxine in any way. Although GrumpaJoesPlace does not knowingly post erroneous stuff like attributing Maxine to  “Its Time to Take Down the Bird Feeder,” this error fell between the cracks. Grumpa  Joe nonetheless finds the piece hilarious and has left it intact with an apology for posting something that is not correct.

Maxine Speaks

I bought a bird feeder. I hung  It on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it was, as I filled it, lovingly with seed. Within a week we  had hundreds of  birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table,And next to the barbecue.  Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table … everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night, and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food. After a while, I couldn’t even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ….. Quiet, serene…. and no one demanding their rights to a free meal. 

Now let’s see, our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care and free education, and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen. Then the illegal’s came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly Our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child’s second grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn’t speak English. Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to ‘press one ‘ to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than ‘Old Glory’ are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it’s time for the government to take down the bird feeder. 

If you agree, pass it on; if not, just continue cleaning up the poop.

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Owlobama Flexes His Might

Posted on 27/06/2012 by Grumpa Joe
Owl versus Tombstone

Animals Have Rights

Obama’s Regulatory Czar Cass Sunstein has publicly stated that he wants to “establish legal ‘rights’ for livestock, wildlife and pets, which would enable animals to file lawsuits in American courts.”  Most of us think he is crazy, but something is going on in Arizona that may be the result of this crazy man’s influence.

Most of us have heard about the  town of  Tombstone, Arizona acclaimed for the famous gunfight involving Wyatt Earp at the OK-Corral. This tiny town of 1562 souls is in southeast Arizona near the Coronado National Forest and the Dragoon Mountains. The town came into existence in 1879, and in 1881 began using water piped down from mountain springs. Tombstone also has a well, but the water is high in arsenic and is not the favored drinking water supply. Last year, a forest fire followed by a monsoon style rain storm  literally re-arranged the landscape. Boulders the size of cars washed down the mountain. One of them landed on the Tombstone water pipe and cut off the town’s main water supply. Town officials immediately began reconstruction of their pipeline, but ran into a snag when applying for permits from the National Forest Service who now has jurisdiction of the springs. The NFS did not allow using bulldozers, front end loaders and the likes moving dirt around their territory, even though Mother Nature had just remodeled the place. Their rule limited Tombstone to using shovels and picks. At first they did not even allow a wheelbarrow, but eventually relented.

There are many lawyers employed by Tombstone, and the Goldwater Institute and the USG to argue the matter. In the meantime, Tombstone officials are still struggling to get the water line replaced. They recruited an army of volunteers and provided shovels for the task. They reached the National Forest border where Rangers put a stop to their progress. NFS Rangers said  they spotted a nesting pair of Mexican Spotted Owls in the area. These owls are protected, or perhaps Mr. Czar Sunstein exerted his influence by request of his immediate boss.

I am not an owl expert, but I am a bird watcher and would probably pee in my pants if I actually spotted an Owl in the daytime. I lived in a wooded area and owls lived amongst us. In twenty years of looking for them, I never saw one. I heard them often. One night I had Screech owls in the tree behind my house, and often while walking in the early morning dark, I heard Great Horned Owls hooting at each other. It is my understanding that owls are a nocturnal bird. That means they hunt and do their normal stuff during the dark hours. During the daylight they hide in trees looking like branches while resting. Now, I’m not saying that I am an expert on owls like a Forest Ranger might be, but something doesn’t add up here. Do Mexican Spotted Owls mate, lay eggs, and raise families during daylight? If so, how do their young ever learn how to hunt at night?

I have another question for the rangers, How large is “the area” in which you saw them? Were they nesting immediately above the broken pipe? Or were they a mile away? I remember when as Scoutmaster we camped in a ten thousand acre area that had a nesting pair of Bald Eagles. Our Scout guides took us to see the  nest but stopped us a hundred yards short. FYI, Bald Eagles have a fifty mile hunting range. Does that mean all human life within fifty miles of  a nest be kept away? At this moment there is a nesting pair of Bald Eagles on the southwest side of Chicago. Should the powers evacuate six million people to protect them? Not. The birds built a nest in the middle of things and they will cope. Who doesn’t know how to cope or adapt  are big government dupes who get paid to read their manuals written by more dupes and pushed by their dupe supervisors to follow the rules.

It is my opinion that the Obama Administration has a thing for anything Arizona and is flexing its muscles to show us that they can do anything  simply because they can. It is time for us to show them that this is our country and we are taking it back!

I wonder if National Forest Service will re-route illegal entrants around the owls.

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Wind is the Future, Gas is the Past

Posted on 29/03/2012 by Grumpa Joe

Let’s hang our hats on millions of propellers screaming in the breeze to push kilowatts of power into the electrical grid. In the mean time, how about if we hang a flame under President Obama’s ass to light the gas-flame of optimism he exudes for the wonderful new energy scheme into which he is investing our tax money. I hope he invests his personal 401K into wind power too, but my bet is that he owns Exxon.

While Obama counts money from his investments, let us ask the EPA to bury the corpses of dead birds before the Audubon Society wakes up.

In a link below the article brags about how the country of Denmark gets almost half its electrical needs from wind power. What they fail to tell us is that the population of Denmark is 5.5 million which makes Denmark smaller than Chicago, a relatively mid-size town in America. The USA can do that too, let’s be like Denmark, yeah!

Here are some photos to ponder. Have you seen any of these in the news?

Thanks for these great pics Rich.

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Frankfort Loaded with Abandoned Homes

Posted on 08/03/2012 by Grumpa Joe

Walking the streets of Frankfort, Illinois makes one wonder what is going on. Everywhere, abandoned houses prevail. What is it about my town that causes alien residents to leave perfectly good homes to decay? In the coming weeks the aliens will return to feed off the area. No doubt, they will need new homes. Will they rebuild those abandoned last fall? Not likely. They will scrounge more material and hastily construct new ones. Some will look trashy while others will be neat and trim. Some will decorate the interiors with soft materials for lounging. Most will be under heavy cover and concealed from view.

The aliens arrive from places like Mexico, Costa Rica, Florida,, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Georgia. They come for the great conditions provided them by our Creator. They breed several families during the time they are here, and forage Frankfort to feed them. While they tend to their young, they stay solitary and territorial. When it is time for them to leave they crave socialization in large numbers.

One day, as if by rigid schedule the aliens disappear leaving Frankfort scattered with abandoned homes.

On Charrington Drive

On Old Plank Road Trail

On Pfeiffer Road

A skyscraper on Ginger Lane

This one came stocked with food.

The first alien of spring, freezing his butt off.

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Desperately In Search of Green

Posted on 12/03/2011 by Grumpa Joe

When is it coming? The green of Spring, when will it arrive? It’s been gone for five months already, will I ever see green again? Oh how I long to see the color green. Soon, it will be Saint Patrick’s Day, then I will see green. That is not the same as green grass and new leaves on trees. That is the green I long to see again.

Chicago river dyed green on St. Patrick's Day,...

Image via Wikipedia

Today, I searched for signs of green. I found  some hints, but the most I found was brown; ugly, tired brown. Most of it is falling to the ground. Brown too, waits patiently for fresh green shoots to poke up between the tired stems of past.

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I look up to see empty trees longing for life to return. Alas! There are some hints I spy in the fragile tips of grey and brown. Tiny little buds swell with the juice of life returning from Mother Earth. Still grey and brown, but soon to be shoots that unfold into beautiful glorious green leaves. Green leaves that will hide the nests of birds among flexible stems teeming with sap.

Oh! How I desperately need to see green.

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