Funtime-171104-Seven Days In A Week

MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that   her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.  He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug   her mother, saying,  

“Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that!  I’m dating Susan!”
TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand.  He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon.    Damned good!”
The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.”
The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”
The preacher said, “No shit?”
WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.    With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes.  That should solve the problem.”
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed, “for me?”
“Just take two,” Brenda replied.  “The rest are for your father.”
THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her
92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.  She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could screw,
he could fly.”
FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa … 
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful.  Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing that’s the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”
SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast.  At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”  Bob replied, “Girlfriend?  She’s my wife!”  They’re knocked over, but continue to ask:  “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”  “I lied about my age,” Bob replied.  “What?  Did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”
SUNDAY
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland .As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used.  She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.”  She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”

Just For Laughs

I love it when people send me stuff, especially when it involves a bunch of guys amusing themselves because they are bored to tears with their job.

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Do think he hitched a ride?

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Ah Yes! nothing like a dunk on a hot day

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Why won’t this thing get off the ground?

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Clever, I wonder if he sucked anyone into his ploy.

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These guys look a little too Chinese for me

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Big Boy Toys

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I hope he misses his foot.

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Fly in the wind.

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My favorite

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Do you think the ass held still during the shooting?

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An instruction manual?

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Trusty Spotter

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Just a friendly joust

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Bean powered missle

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A new way to play war?

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I hope that hand bag doesn’t weigh as much as Peggy’s

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Mooning Muslims in broad daylight

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Who Has Some Toilet Paper?

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There are well over twelve million people in the US who are unemployed today. They have trouble existing. Many probably work two, or three, part-time jobs to eek a living. Others, are starving. The Federal government however, has no concept of what that kind of hardship really is. I did a little math and divided the total number of federal workers classified as Executive, (2,756,000) by their average salary of $76231/yrs. If the entire sequester cut went toward laying off  these people only, Obama would have to lay off 1,115,030 people. That is a huge number, yet it is only nine percent of the total private sector people who are suffering without work.

It is my opinion that if these nine percent were to feel the pain, the business climate would improve to the point where the twelve million private sector people  would find good jobs. Would you sacrifice the nine percent to put twelve million back to work? Take the poll below and let me know how you feel.

The news item below is a comment made by a lady who has some insight into what is happening inside the services to make them feel the full impact and pain of the sequester. Click on her name to take you to the news article she commented on.

Lynda Irwin Carns • 20 hours ago

“I’m from a military family still living in a military community with daily contact with numerous active duty friends. Here’s what’s happening that’s not being reported. Soldiers on deployment are no longer receiving hot meals (haven’t for a while now), service members going through basic training are running out of TOILET PAPER (wonder if soldiers in Afghanistan have any or if it’s only what they are getting from loved ones guess that’d better be included in the next care package). Friends who recently met seamen who had just graduated from boot camp were told of them not having toilet paper in their barracks the last 2 weeks of training. Yet Obama still plays golf and his wife still takes numerous vacations on the taxpayer dime because apparently he’s working SOOOOOOO hard that he needs to take at least 4 vacations a year plus play golf every week. After all putting out a budget is enough to give anyone a headache so they’d need a break, Oh wait he’s never put out a budget! EPIC FAIL AMERICA!”

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POLL

Mr. Scam Man

Cousin Rick

Cousin Rick (Photo credit: D.Clow – Maryland)

From Cousin Rick in Tennessee, another entertaining parody.

Who Me?

Always Postpone Meetings with Time-Wasting Morons

Always Postpone Meetings with Time-Wasting Morons (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A fellow blogger, Ankur Mithal has nominated me for the “Versatile Blogger Award, and I am truly humbled.”

A blogger has many contacts who are also bloggers. I can’t call them my friends because I have never met them nor associated with them in any way. They are peers in a group of people who love to speak their mind and share thoughts. Yet, after sharing intimate thoughts, I feel that some of these bloggers are my friends. I feel they have connected with me in a way that some of my daily associates have never done. We pour our souls to the blogosphere and sometimes connect with another who speaks to us, and we listen, we comment, we share feelings.

I began reading Ankur’s blog pieces on dark office humor because the subject was near and dear to my heart, office politics, office antics, and office stupidity in the form of manager bullshit. You see, I appreciate these things because I played the part of middle manager for over thirty years, and his writing struck very close to my heart. I was caught in the middle between the upper echelon of the owner’s first tier, and the worker bees who follow the directives. I had to give the sometimes ridiculous reasons for doing what we ask them to do. Ankur nails office life with observations like a pro. He knows the inside of a business office like one who has lived it for many years. When I began reading his stuff, I thought “this guy is another Dilbert.” He writes with humor and a pinch of sarcasm added, well maybe a huge dose of sarcasm. Either way you see it, the result is very often hilarious.

Thank you Ankur for the nomination and I hope we become fast friends as well as fellow bloggers.

The Nuwave I love Has Failed

It happened last week. I put a couple of frozen steaks on the grill, and turned the timer knob to what I thought was fifteen minutes. The knob came off in my hand. Looking back on it, the knob was getting harder and harder to turn, and the dinger at the end of time did not ding anymore.

My Nuwave oven, everything looks normal.

The engineer in me said, “look for spare parts.” The Nuwave website does not get into specific parts, only complete assemblies. I can buy a whole new heating head for $55.00 or even upgrade to digital for $65 but I can’t buy a knob or a timer switch.

Broken Timer Knob

Down to the shop I went yesterday. In five minutes I had the patient opened for examination. Four of those five minutes were spent in cleaning a space on my cluttered workbench.

The Heart of the Beast

The switch came off easily, but disconnecting the wires was harder.Eventually, I got them off and had the heart of the beast in my hand. The timer shaft was hard to turn. In fact it made a horrible grinding noise when I forced it to move. That is not a good sign. What the heck, shoot some WD40 down the shaft to loosen it some more. All it can do is blow a fuse if I over juice it. Now it moves easier, but still with noise.

Hang Zhou Westlake Timer Switch Factory DKJ/1-60

I copied the numbers off the switch and reassembled the unit. I went to Google and searched for the Hang Zhou Westlake Timer Switch Factory. It came up at the top. A click took me to their website. I found the DKJ/1-60 switch just as easily as I did the website. There was only one problem, there is not a single reference anywhere on the site about sales, purchase, price, etc, only specifications of the switch. How can these guys be beating the pants off the USA in manufacturing with errors like that? Not a single mention of sales anywhere.

If I read the specs correctly, this timer should last until the world ends. Are they lying, just putting out some grossly deficient product, or didn’t they test under real conditions? What ever the reason Hang Zhou owes me a replacement.

Note! As I searched for the company again to copy the link, I noticed numerous websites all offering switches for sale by Hang Zhou.

I resorted to sending an e-mail with my request through the “contact us” button.

I went back to the shop and made a new knob for the oven. The quickest was to grind down the thickness of a washer to fit into the slot on the  shaft. I’m anxious to try it out.

My new timer switch knob

While I am at it, there is opportunity for severe finger cuts on the head. There are four metal clips which hold the head centered on the see through spacer. Be careful when removing or replacing the head. I cut my finger on one of those clips and bled profusely. I did not love my Nuwave during the time my finger was healing.

Nuwave head upside down revealing sharp clips

Close up of lethally sharp edged centering clip

One of four very sharp clips under the head

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“ The limitation of riots, moral questions aside, is that they cannot win and their participants know it. Hence, rioting is not revolutionary but reactionary because it invites defeat. It involves an emotional catharsis, but it must be followed by a sense of futility. ” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

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