PSA-220216-Wisdom for the Ages

Posted on 16/02/2022 by Grumpa Joe
  • The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless,
  • Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn’t make a decision. 
  • Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
  • Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at 60 than at age 6.
  • “The starting pay is $40,000. Later it can go up to $80,000.”
    • “Great, I’ll start later.”
  • Trust science. Studies show that if your parents didn’t have children there’s a high probability you won’t either. 
  • If you’re not called crazy when you start something new, then you’re not thinking big enough.
  • Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupe melons, and no one asks – “What the Hell is wrong with you?” 
  • “I’m 85 and my body is full of aches and pains.”
    • “Well, I’m 85 and I feel like a newborn baby.”
  • “Really?”
    • “Yep, no teeth, no hair, and I just wet my pants.”
  • When the pool re-opens, due to social distancing rules, there will be no water in lanes 1, 3, and 5.
  • Tip: Save business cards of people you don’t like. If you ever hit a parked car accidentally, just write, “Sorry” on the back and leave it on the windshield. 
  • When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
  • Just once, I want the username and password prompt to say, “Close enough.”
  • Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.
  • Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate one either.
  • Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food; no atmosphere.
  • If you see me talking to myself just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
  • “Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo”.
  • I envy people who grow old gracefully. They age like a fine wine.
    • I’m aging like milk. Getting sour and chunky.
  • Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
  • I hate it when I can’t figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech support guy is asleep. She’s 5 and it’s past her bedtime. 
  • Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
  • Tip for a successful marriage: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she’s mowing the lawn.
  • Sooo, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?

Filed under: Aging, family, Humor, Warm and Fuzzy | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

PSA-171204-Just Thinking

Posted on 04/12/2017 by Grumpa Joe

 

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat. A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so.
Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:
1.  I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
7. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
12. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
14. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They’re everywhere.
16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . .
I go somewhere to get something,
and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
18. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.
19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
20. Have I sent this message to you before…or did I get it from you?
Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest
– Mark Twain

Filed under: Aging, family, Memories, Seniors | Tagged: , , | Leave a comment »

A Public Service Announcement

Posted on 08/02/2013 by Grumpa Joe

Thank you artist Allison Morris for sending Grumpa Joe this unique

and graphical explanation of the Flu

The sponsoring organization for this message is: 

OnlineEducation.net 

I totally believe we must protect ourselves from the flu. I have had several bouts during my lifetime which have incapacitated me, and in one case changed the course of my life.

Scroll through this presentation and take note of the message to your benefit.

Flu Infographic

Filed under: family, health care | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »