The Joy of Age

The Joys of Getting Older

CALL THE POLICE– WHEN YOU’RE OLD, AND YOU DON’T MOVE FAST,

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”  He said “No,” but some people broke into my garden shed and are stealing from me.”  The police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy; lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available George said, “Okay.”  He hung up the phone and counted to 30, then phoned the police again.  “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.  Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now,” and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two FireTrucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them! “George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!” True Story ……Don’t Mess With Old People!

How Stupid is this? I will not frame this photo for my desk

The only redeeming virtue of this scene is the intarsia piece hanging on the wall called Three Roses.

GETTING OLDER A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. 
“Is it true,” she wanted to know,
“that the medication  you prescribed has to be taken 
for the rest of my life?” 
“‘Yes, I’m afraid so,”‘ the doctor told her. 
There was a moment of silence 
before the senior lady replied, 
“I’m wondering, then, 
just how serious is my condition
because this prescription is 
marked  ‘NO REFILLS’..”
***********************
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery  and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon,  perform the operation. 
As he was about to get the anesthesia,  he asked to speak  to his son.”Yes, Dad, what is it?”  “Don’t be nervous, son;  do your best, and just remember,  if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife….” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Aging: 
Eventually you will reach a point
when you stop lying about your 
age  and start bragging about it. 
This is so true.  I love  to hear them say 
“you don’t look that old.” 
—————————— — 
The older we get, the fewer things 
seem worth waiting in line for. 
(Mostly because we forgot why we 
were waiting in line in the first place  !!) 
—————————— — 
Some people try to turn back their odometers.  Not me!  I want people to know why I look this way.  I’ve traveled a long way  and some of the roads weren’t  paved. 
******************** 
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. 
—————————— – 
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. 
~~~~~~~~~~~ 
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. 
********* 
First you forget names, then you forget faces.  Then you forget to pull up your zipper…  it’s worse when you forget to pull it down. 
““““““““ 
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart  when they collide. 
The old guy says to the young guy, “Sorry about that.  I’m looking for my wife,  and I guess I  wasn’t paying attention  to where I was going. “The young guy says, That’s OK, it’s a  coincidence. 
I’m looking for my wife, too…  I can’t find her and I’m getting a little  desperate.” 
The old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her… what does she look like?” 
The young guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair,  blue eyes, is buxom…wearing no bra, long legs,  and is wearing short shorts. 
What does your wife look like?’ 
To which the old guy says, “Doesn’t matter,  — let’s look for yours.” 

Frogdom?

My pond never ceases to amuse me. This evening I got the urge to begin feeding my goldfish. As I stepped onto the first stone of the pathway at the waters edge a streak of green flashed from my shoe to become splash. A smallish leopard frog with a colorful body pattern and some bright hues of green floated at the edge of a lily pad resting from his leap. No sooner than I took note of him another one jumped even further just as my shoe was about to squish him.

Frogs have been plentiful this season and I wonder if it is because I stocked the pond with goldfish. It is rare to see a small school of six fish and never a school of 24 which is the number I released. Those fish that I do see are much bigger than I bought. Evidently, they are eating any and all organic matter growing in their environment. The frogs on the other hand are carnivorous and enjoy feasting on scrumptious goldies. My logic makes me wonder if the frogs are winning the battle of survival.

One hope I have is that the fish continue to spawn throughout the season. One fish that I released was an algae eating plecostomus.

He is black and disappeared immediately into the darkness of the water. I have dreams that one day soon when I am skimming algae that he will appear latched onto the back of my hand. In a dream he and I are rolling around in the water. Me trying to escape his grip and he trying to take a bigger bite.

The mosquitoes are rather annoying this evening and I must escape from the patio into the house. I’ve done my bit for nature by acting as a mosquito target for the past hour. I have one giant itchy bump on the base of my left thumb and it is driving me mad trying to resist scratching. As I am writing about my thumb, I feel squads of skeeters attacking my hair. The joy of nature has suddenly ceased, and has become a wild urge to begin slapping all about my body and heading for the door.

Tracey J Boothe Publishing Blog

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