Add Home Maintenance to the PPAHCA

 

Some days it doesn’t pay to wake up. I’ve had seven months of the home maintenance blues. It started in August when the air conditioner blew during the one week of ninety-five degree days.

“It is old,” I rationalized. My fabulous son-in-law came to the rescue. When he removed the plenum from the furnace he found a crack in the heat exchanger.
“You know, if I were at someone else’s house on a service call I’d have to red tag the furnace.”

“Replace the unit.”

A month later, Grandma Peggy showed me a discoloration on the ceiling in the living room.

“Looks like we have a leaky roof. That is the second spot to show up.”

After getting three quotes for the roof replacement I selected a man whom I felt very confident about. He immediately went to Frankfort Village Hall to apply for a permit. The village would not let him do the job because he was not an approved roofer in Frankfort. The high cost of approval caused him to reject the job. I went with the next roofer on the list.

“Joe, why is there a noise coming from downstairs?”

“What noise?”

“You mean you can’t hear the siren wailing?”

I went to investigate. The back-up pump in the clear water sump was screaming. The primary sump pump that I replaced just three months ago failed, and the backup did its job, but wouldn’t shut off. I pulled the plug.

Two weeks ago, a second sump pump that handles the downstairs slop sink and the water conditioner failed. Again Peggy called me.

“Do you hear that?”

“No.”

“”I think it’s coming from the furnace room.” I went to investigate.

The plastic pipe coming out of the sump was hot to the touch and the noise sounded like sparking. I lifted the lid over the sump and got a blast of hot air in my face, just like you get when you open an oven. I pulled the plug. This time, I’m calling a plumber, I want him to look at the seepage around the overhead sewer line anyway.

“What do you think is causing this,” I asked the plumber?

“It’s probably a broken sewer pipe, I’ll remove the clean-out plug and see what is happening.”

Look down the hole to see the broken sewer pipe.

Sure enough, the cast iron main pipe just outside of the house broke and shifted downward thus impeding the flow of sewage from the house. Raw sewage juice seeps into the house around the pipe through the foundation. That is what shows up as a black streak running down the basement wall.

This time the plumber asked me to get the permit. I did. When they called to tell me to pick it up, they asked for $80.

“WHAT? I went ballistic. I pay huge tax money to Frankfort for the privilege of living here and you are asking for $80 more?”

“I’m sorry sir, but that is the standard charge.”

“I want to talk to a manager.”

“I’m sorry sir, but the charge is in a Village ordinance.”

I paid, and stomped out talking to myself out loud.

I came home to admire the black streak running down the wall, and thanked God that sewage was still flowing and not backing up into the bathtubs. I calmed down. Oh well, it’s only money, and the economy needs a boost.

The Hole.

A couple of days ago, Peggy turned on the garbage disposal unit.

“Why doesn’t this make noise anymore?”

“Because it is a super quiet model.”

I checked it myself to see if her assumption that it didn’t work was correct. She is correct, the rotor doesn’t turn and the overload switch trips out to kill it.

I’ve made a list of things that are left, and it is still very long. I am positive the water heater, water softener, the windows, refrigerator, and the garage door opener will send me a message soon.

Maybe I’ll testify before Congress to add home repairs to the Patient Protection and Affordable Health Care Act. After all, the health of my family depends on the environment we live in. Besides, if I can get Viagra, and women can get contraception to support their health, why wouldn’t I get money to live in a nice healthy well maintained home? It is the Progressive way of thinking.

Sewer Rats United

Rat!

Image by dharder9475 via Flickr

After the rant I posted yesterday, I decided to form a new organization “Sewer Rats United of America (SRUA),” or maybe it should be “United Sewer Rats of America (USRA),”  or maybe the “Tea Party Sewer Rats United (TPSRU).”  Actually, after seeing all that in print I think “Sewer Rats United (SRU)” is the best and easiest to remember. At my age it can’t be too complicated or I’ll forget it for sure.

“Sewer Rats United ” dedicates itself to flushing the offal out of the political system. We will work underground in the Capitol sewers of America in the dark of night to be invisible to the mortal enemy, the money-grabbing, power-hungry politician.

Our weapon will be words. Yes, words of expose.  Our secret weapon is the Vote.  Our atomic weapon is grass roots organizing of our friends and neighbors.

Membership is limited to Tea Party Patriots i.e. Sewer Rats who believe in GOD, the Constitution, capitalism, and a strong National Defense. If you lack any of the four beliefs, the Sewer Rats United is not for you.

Membership demands your time, talent, and effort to convince fellow Americans that real change, defined as change to the way Washington works, not, undefined change that infers a move toward socialism. Sewer Rat United change is the elimination of big money lobbyists who buy and control the political scum of Congress. SRU change also includes a complete overhaul of the tax code to one that is fair to all Americans. One that includes even those who do not now pay taxes. Even the most destitute must pay something for the privilege of living in the greatest country on earth.

Sewer Rats United demands complete allegiance to the cause, and will not tolerate flip-flopping or wishy-washy performance by members. Only complete annihilation of all socialist trends, ideas, factions, movements, and political scum constitutes victory.

Your job, if you choose to accept it, will be to fight to the death as a soldier-sewer rat in the cause of reclaiming the greatest country on earth and to reestablishing capitalism as the greatest economic system known to raise the poor from the plight of the socialist nanny-state.

The initiation fee is $1000.00, monthly dues are $100. Make checks payable to “Grumpa Joe, Sewer Rat in Charge”.

Ed Says I’m A Sewer Rat

English: Ed Schultz

Image via Wikipedia

I just read an article about some guy named Ed Schultz who calls Tea Party Patriots sewer rats. He claims that Tea Party Patriots  can’t relate to anyone but themselves so they are like rats who congregate in sewers.

Yes, I am a Tea Party Patriot, and yes, I am a sewer rat.

If being in favor of a country that gives people the liberty to think for themselves makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing that a free-market economy has freed more people from poverty on planet earth than any socialist economy ever has, or ever will, makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing that government regulation strangles the economy and stifles a person’s liberty, makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If wanting to take care of myself without Uncle’s interference makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing that big government is evil makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing that every working citizen who has to support a non-working citizen is a form of slavery makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing that Ed Schultz has a first amendment right to speak his mind on radio and insult his fellow Americans makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing that Ed Schultz and all progressive, liberal, socialist’s like him are hungry to change America into a  communist state makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing that Obama is the country’s worst President ever makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing that the upper one percent have a right to keep their wealth makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing the bottom one percent calling themselves Occupy Wall Street is a bunch of  communist thieves, makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing the EPA does more damage to the world than it does good makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing the Department of Education is creating generations of kids who read at the level of neanderthals makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

If believing that public sector unions are a contraption invented to enslave tax payers makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

You see Ed Schultz you are right, I am a sewer rat and a Tea Party Patriot who is going to raise the country back to the greatest nation on earth with one weapon. My vote. If that makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

I am going into the sewer to cleanse it of all the crap that resides there in the form of liberalism, progressivism, and communism, if that makes me a sewer rat, so be it.

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