170306-Fake News

 

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Two Engineers???
Two engineers were standing at
the base of a flagpole, looking at its
top. A woman walked by and asked
what they were doing.

“We’re supposed to find
the height of this flagpole,” said one,
“but we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman took a wrench from her
purse, loosened a couple of bolts,
and laid the pole down on the
ground. Then she took a tape measure

from her pocketbook, took a
measurement, and announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and
laughed, “A lot of good that does us.

We ask for the height and she
gives us the length!”

Both engineers have since quit
their engineering jobs and are
currently serving in the United
States Congress.

170305-Stinkin’ Thinkin’

Some of the smartest people I know, or knew, never had more than a fourth grade education. I respect them for the amount of common sense knowledge they learned with their years. Then there are other people who pretend to be smart, and some are actually educated meaning they went to a school or two, these are the people who become dangerous to humanity. The list below is a fine example of people who seemingly should have smarts, but who have exhibited absolute dumbness with their stinking thinking.

Please see the humor in their backgrounds and their purported expertise.

Grump Joe

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Never ceases to amaze me how people that pretend for a living somehow believe they have greater insight and wisdom than the overwhelming majority of people that have to actually live in the real world.

Ever looked up the education credentials of Hollywood and New York soothsayers?

Most of them rely on knowledge clouds drifting across the Pacific, perhaps from an Asian mystic who wears lots of colorful beads.

The mystic has brought them deep understanding of economics, governance, military affairs and especially science. It inspires bold words on most topics.
LEONARDO DICAPRIO’s self-declared climate expertise enables him to speak on the world’s environmental issues with a high-school education. He never took a college biology, chemistry, physics or climatology course, yet he knows more than most scientists. He proved that by addressing climate change before a full gathering of the UN. {remember he played the role of the great imposter}

SEAN PENN’s quick takes on everything put him at the lofty level of an Einstein. He visited Iraq once and became an expert on that country. The same for Iran. He also became buddies with the brutal Venezuelan communist Hugo Chavez and consistently lauded that murderous thug. Now that Chavez is gone and Venezuelans are raiding dumpsters for food scraps, Penn is having a rare silent moment. Penn deserves some credit for becoming a world-affairs genius based on two years of auto mechanics classes at Santa Monica College. {some of his best work involved playing the part of a dolt or a criminal)

KATY PERRY’s passion about politics and economics freed her to quit high school at 15 without compromising her expert status. Asked the square root of 64, the name given the Constitution’s first 10 amendments and to explain PE ratio, her answer might be, “Republicans are for the rich.” She recently demonstrated wizardry by making an anti-Trump video. It suggested the new president would commit acts similar to forced World War II lockups of loyal Japanese-Americans. Perry probably did not know the internment plan was developed and executed by DEMOCRAT President Roosevelt.{it wouldn’t matter to her since liberals always blame Republicans or somebody else, never themselves}

ROBERT DeNIRO must also be a quick learner. He acquired amazing scientific knowledge before dropping out of high school. He knows so much about geology that he joined Artists Against Fracking. (All the producing wells in his native Manhattan must have provided first-hand experience.) He’s also an expert on pediatric medicine, enabling him to speak often against vaccinating infants and children. {Just a hard nosed old guy with some strong opinions}

HARRY BELAFONTE is another multiple-subject whiz who needed little formal education. Some people might think this talented singer might limit his words to songs since his IQ is so low. Don’t worry. Despite advancing age, he remains expert on most things. When black people of greater intelligence (that’s most black people) say something moderate or conservative, he hurls the N word at them. Decades ago, he loudly denounced Reagan’s elimination of CETA, the Comprehensive Employment Training Act. It was one of the most wasteful federal programs ever — many vanished dollars, few jobs. Belafonte tore into Reagan during an interview Finally, the interviewer asked Belafonte what CETA stood for. Belafonte had no clue. He knew almost nothing about the act. {daylight didn’t come soon enough for Harry, he is still mostly in the dark)

ROSIE O’DONNELL was my personal favorite long before her hateful remark that Trump’s 10-year-old son looked autistic. Her coarse philosophy must be that if you say something loudly, it need not be correct. Her bombast probably created lots of turmoil with both the women she “married.” She also must have skipped chemistry during her high-school education. Otherwise, she would have not have offered “proof” that 9/11 was an inside job. She often bellowed that planes could not have brought down the Twin Towers because “steel doesn’t burn.” This constant jackass must not know that high temperatures DO reduce steel’s strength. (Rosie obviously has never seen steel poured out of a hearth}

AL SHARPTON would be America’s greatest at-large criminal, if not for Hillary’s tens of millions swapped for influence and favors. Sharpton owes nearly $5 million in delinquent taxes to IRS and New York state. Makes you wonder why NBC/MSNBC would ever hire him. Sharpton accumulated vast theological knowledge by age 9, when he was “ordained” as a preacher. He didn’t need more than a high-school education to keep marching forward. His most successful high school class must have been Shystehood. Despite one scandal after another, his 2004 run for president stands out. The Federal Election Commission forced him to return $100,000 in taxpayer money provided by FEC. One of many abuses was his $145,146 charge for “Campaign letter preparation — Kinko’s.” Later, FEC fined Sharpton $285,000.(America’s most talented huckster)

JULIA ROBERTS proves that physical beauty does not ensure a beautiful brain. She had a fling at Georgia State University before pursuing acting lessons and joining a modeling group. Her acting and modeling skills guided her to such thoughtful observations as “Republican” comes between “reptile” and “repugnant” in the dictionary. Impressed?(she is too beautiful to pay attention to what she says}

BROOKE SHIELDS, an Obama supporter, verifies the Roberts theory — that physical beauty does not guarantee a beautiful brain. During her days as a boisterous animal-rights supporter, Shields had a mink coat custom-made.

{a couple of her memorable quotes: Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.
Don’t waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window- or break down a door.}

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN could have been No. 1 on this list. He squabbled with nuns when in Catholic school. Transferring to a public school, he thought so little of the education experience that he skipped graduation. Had he gone to college, he might have majored in Hate 101. That’s what we hear when he’s not singing. He claims Trump is a “moron” who advocates “white nationalism.” Springsteen demonstrates the analytical skills’ void of most show-biz folk when he laments America’s industrialization decline. Somebody please whisper to Springsteen that his party’s business-crunching regulations and world-leading corporate tax rate compels U.S. manufacturers to go elsewhere. {he must be smart, he is rich}

Finally, two others are outside the entertainment world, disqualifying them from winning an Oscar, Emmy or Grammy. Politicians Nancy Pelosi and Maxine Waters do compete for the Rock Head of the Year trophy each time they speak. Pelosi frequently wins with comments like needing to pass a bill “so we can find out what’s in it.” Waters has already locked up the 2017 trophy for suggesting a Trump impeachment over his campaign antics. Listen closely, Maxine. Presidents can be impeached only for what they do in office.{these girls look a little like twins}

170304- Fake News

Why women are hired by the CIA

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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her.”

The man said “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, “Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes, so take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.

“The gun was loaded with blanks,” she said. “I had to kill him with the chair.”

Headlines To Laugh At

Since I am a generous and fair man I cannot place too much acrimony on fake news. I will only suggest that we are looking at fake news incorrectly. Newspapers have always been a source of a good laugh. We must take all fake news stories for what they are, mis-guided jokes. Shown below are a few examples of what I am speaking. Thank you Rich for sending this collection of beauties.

To all journalism students and to all journalists working for news please take note of the type of entertainment you create in the name of reporting facts.

Why we must not let newspapers die ….

 

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Ya Think?

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Sorry I missed it…

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N.S.S.

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No comment

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“Boy’s School Votes to Consolidate”

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“Spin” to help distance themselves from their sponsorship?

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Statistics be damned! I don’t believe it!

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What? Where?

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That’s what I would’ve called it!

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A record unlikely to be broken.

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I am speechless!

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I guess the head bone was attached to the leg bone after that happened.

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I think they may be onto something!

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Proof once again that politicians can’t relate to the real world…

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Somebody got paid to conduct this study?

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This actually makes sense – if you think about it.

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The judge apparently has a list of lawyers he doesn’t like.

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It must have been a concert “for teachers only”?

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Doctors are expensive – it must be a last-ditch effort.

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On advice from his attorney.

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Dilbert’s pointy-haired boss came up with this one!

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Can’t really blame ’em for protesting, but they could’ve sent those unruly kids somewhere else, surely!

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A lesson we learned from Karen Carpenter…

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I bet you couldn’t wipe the smile off this copywriter’s face!

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I suppose the school for the blind might have benefitted from this broadcast?

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They could advise those city officials about why the sewer smells so bad…

And finally…

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Impeach, Impeach, Impeach

This morning I didn’t get past one article on Breitbart before my political juices began to gush. The whole flap over Jeff sessions recusing himself from any investigation involving Russians and Republicans over a failed Democrat election is non sense. I think they would want Sessions to recuse himself from any investigation of Obama’s twenty-two meetings with the Russian ambassador as a more appropriate a smoke screen than the one they have energized. I give the Dems credit, lose big, then have the balls big enough to blame the loss on anybody but themselves. I have not heard mention of Darth Vader interfering with Hillary’s big flop. Of course we can liken Russia to Darth Vader since they are both evil forces.

What scares me more than Sessions conceding to recuse himself is the rumor that Obama is behind a coup to take down the government. Here’s one for you Obama, how about you take a long vacation to Afghanistan, and straighten out their political system. You are the perfect fit for the job; Muslim, Socialist, Divider, Instigator, and loaded with political rhetoric to impress the Taliban. They would love to have you buddy.

Impeach, impeach, impeach it is all I hear from the Dems from before Trump’s  inauguration. If ever there was a case to Impeach anyone it was Obama, but my small-ball fearful Republican RINO’s were so afraid of being called racist they were more afraid of using the word impeach than Obama was with using the phrase Radical Islamic Terrorist.

Trump has his work cut out for him. Not only does he have the entire Democrat Party against him, but he also has RINO’s wanting his hide, along with an ex-president who is linked to the devil himself in the name of George Soros to take the government down. Fortunately, the entire country of deplorables is standing firm behind the President efforts to drain the swamp.

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and then there are the rest of us.

DEPLORABLE, adjective; deserving strong condemnation, shockingly bad in Quality