Fake News-170306-For Seniors Only

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Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).

Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD – At the Doctor’s

BFF – Best Friend’s Funeral

BTW – Bring the Wheelchair

CBM – Covered by Medicare

CUATSC – See You at the Senior Centre

DWI – Driving While Incontinent

FWBB – Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW – Forgot Where I Was

FYI – Found Your Insulin

GGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA – Got Heartburn Again

IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL – Living on Lipitor

OMMR – On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU – Rolling on the Floor Laughing..Can’t get Up!

TOT – Texting on Toilet

TTYL – Talk to You Louder

WTP – Where are the Prunes

WWNO – Walker Wheels Need Oil

GGLKI – Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

SYAG – See you at the Gathering (Dan)

PSA-170307-Words

“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those who have a love for words
and their uses, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna
fish,” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.” A competition
is held every year to see who can come up with the best one. Last
year’s winning submission is posted at the very end of this list.

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Some examples of other entries:

… When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

… A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

… When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

… The batteries were given out free of charge.

… A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

… A will is a dead giveaway.

… With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

… A boiled egg is hard to beat.

… When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

… Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.
… Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.

… A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

… When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

… The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
… He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

… When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
… Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of this twisted crop:

… Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

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Something For Everyone

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This is really interesting and quite surprising at times……
(Unfortunately not so much for the People’s Socialist Republic of Illinois. This also puts Grumpa Joe’s attitude toward liberals and democrats into perspective. I feel so alone living here.)

STATES AND WHAT THEY ARE FAMOUS FOR (DID YOU EVER IMAGINE?)

ALABAMA …………Was the first state to have 9-1-1, started 1968.

ALASKA ………One out of every 64 people has a pilot’s license.

ARIZONA…………Is the only state in the continental U.S. that does not follow Daylight Savings Time.

ARKANSAS………..Has the only active diamond mine in the U.S.

CALIFORNIA;…………Its economy is so large that if it were a country, it would rank seventh in the entire world.

COLORADO…………In 1976 it became the only state to turn down the Olympics.

CONNECTICUT…………The Frisbee was invented here at Yale University

DELAWARE………..Has more scientists and engineers than any other state.

FLORIDA…………At 874.3 square miles, Jacksonville is the largest city in the U.S.

GEORGIA…………It was here, in 1886, that pharmacist John Pemberton made the first vat of Coca-Cola….interesting!

HAWAII…………Hawaiians live, on average, five years longer than residents of any other state.

IDAHO………..TV was invented in Rigby, Idaho, in 1922.

ILLINOIS………..Has a Governor in jail, one pending jail, and is the most corrupt state in the union!

INDIANA…………Home to Santa Claus, Indiana, which gets a half million letters for Santa every year.

IOWA………Winnebago R.V.s get their name from Winnebago County. Also, it is the only state name that begins with 2 vowels.

KANSAS…………Liberal, Kansas has an exact replica of the house in “The Wizard of Oz”.

KENTUCKY…………Has more than $6 billion in gold underneath Fort Knox.

LOUISIANA…………Has parishes instead of counties because they were originally Spanish church units.

MAINE…………It is so large that it covers as many square miles as the other five New England states combined.

MARYLAND…………The Ouija board was created in Baltimore in 1892……. Bet you didn’t know that!

MASSACHUSETTS…….The Fig Newton is named after Newton, Massachusetts.

MICHIGAN…………Fremont, home to Gerber, is the baby food capital of the world.

MINNESOTA…….Bloomington’s Mall of America is so big, that if you spent 10 minutes in each store, you’d be there almost four days.

MISSISSIPPI…..President Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot a bear here The most lied about state in the nation.

MISSOURI…………Is the birthplace of the ice cream cone.

MONTANA ……..A sapphire from Montana is in the Crown Jewels of England .

NEBRASKA…………More triplets are born here than in any other state.

NEW HAMPSHIRE………Birthplace of Tupperware, invented in 1938 by Earl Tupper.

NEW JERSEY…………Has the most shopping malls in one area in the world.

NEW MEXICO…………Smokey the Bear was rescued from a 1950 forest fire here.

NEW YORK…………Is home to the nation’s oldest cattle ranch, started in 1747 in Montauk………..Surprised?

NORTH CAROLINA……..Home of the first Krispy Kreme doughnut.

NORTH DAKOTA……….. Rigby, North Dakota, is the exact geographic center of North America .

OHIO…………The hot dog was invented here in 1900.

OKLAHOMA…………The grounds of the state capital are covered by operating oil wells.

OREGON…………Has the most ghost towns in the country.

PENNSYLVANIA…………The smiley : ) was first used in 1980 by computer scientists at Carnegie Mellon University .

RHODE ISLAND…………The nation’s oldest bar, the White Horse Tavern, opened here in 1673.

SOUTH CAROLINA………Sumter County is home to the world’s largest gingko farm.

SOUTH DAKOTA………..Is the only state that’s never had an earthquake.

TENNESSEE………..Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry is the longest running live radio show in the world.

TEXAS…….Dr. Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. The hamburger was invented in Arlington in 1906.

UTAH………..The first Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant opened here in 1952.

VERMONT……….Montpelier is the only state capital without a McDonald’s.

VIRGINIA……….Home of the world’s largest office building, The Pentagon.

WASHINGTON…………Seattle has twice as many college graduates as any other state.

WASHINGTON D.C………Is the first planned capital in the world

WEST VIRGINIA…………Had the world’s first brick paved street, Summers Street, laid in Charleston in 1870.

WISCONSIN…………The ice cream sundae was invented here in 1881 to get around Blue Laws prohibiting ice cream from being sold on Sunday. Also the American Water Spaniel was created there and is the state dog.

WYOMING………Was the first state to allow women to vote.

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