“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those who have a love for words
and their uses, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna
fish,” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.” A competition
is held every year to see who can come up with the best one. Last
year’s winning submission is posted at the very end of this list.

Some examples of other entries:

… When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

… A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

… When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

… The batteries were given out free of charge.

… A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

… A will is a dead giveaway.

… With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

… A boiled egg is hard to beat.

… When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

… Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.
… Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.

… A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

… When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

… The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
… He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

… When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
… Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of this twisted crop:

… Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

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