Buy American, Stimulate the Economy

It was my practice to acknowledge contributors, but since the NSA is collecting our every keystroke and spying on us, I cannot tell you that this funny came from my cousin Sharon in California. Did ya get that NSA?

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Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another ‘EconomicStimulus’ payment.

 This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

 Q. What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment ?

 A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

 Q.. Where will the government get this money ?

 A. From taxpayers.

 Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

 A. Only a smidgen of it.

 Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

 A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

 Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?

 A. Shut up.

 Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

 * If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .

 * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

 * If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China .

 * If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico ,Honduras and Guatemala ..

 * If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

 * If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

 * If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

 Instead, keep the money in America by:

 1) Spending it at yard sales, or

 2) Going to ball games, or

 3) Spending it on prostitutes,

 4) Beer or

 5) Tattoos.

 (These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

 Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help.

 

Chuckle for the Day

polls_db_p_full_rednecks_1537_734254_answer_3_xlarge
That Ain’t Stanley
Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The
morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his
two best deer hunting friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men
had always hunted and fished together and were long time members
of a hunting camp. They were inseparable.
Cooter arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,
Cooter said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll
him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, “Nope, ain’t Stanley.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange, So he brought Gomer
in to confirm the identity of the body. Gomer looked at the body and
said, “Yup, he’s pretty well burnt up, roll him over. “The mortician
rolled him over and Gomer said, “No, it ain’t Stanley.” The mortician
asked, “How can you tell?” Gomer said, “Well, Stanley had two
ass-holes” “What! He had two ass-holes?” exclaimed the mortician.
“Yup, we never actually seen ’em but everybody used to say, ‘There’s
Stanley with them two ass-holes.'”
Cooter and Gomer are both now employed in the Obama administration
as planning, development, and strategy consultants.
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