Religious Musings

Borrowed from a blogger friend

A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here’s some shit that represents other shit.

Reform Judiasm: Lots of shit happened to us, try not to eat pork and shrimp.

Conservative Judaism: Lots of shit happened to us, We will frown if your shit smells like pork or shrimp.

Orthodox Judaism: Don’t do shit on Saturday. And lots of shit happened to us. And stay away from that pork and shrimp shit.

Sunni Islam: Mohammed passed down his shit to us via his son in law.

Shia Islam: Mohammed passed down his shit via his Father in Law.

Wahabbi Islam: Let’s blow up some shit.

Catholicism: You must not eat certain shit on Friday.

Orthodox Christianity:. Same shit, only it’s a week late.

Episcopalianism: Here’s some shit. Wanna go for a clam bake?

Lutheranism: Here’s 95 pieces of shit. Wanna go out for some jello salad?

Methodists: Here’s some shit. You’ll get new shit once every 6 years. Want some roasted corn?

Southern Baptists: Don’t let black people into this shit. Also, don’t do shit on Sunday.

Seventh Day Adventists: Black people are welcome. Also, don’t do shit on Saturday.

Jehovah’s Witnesses: Knock Knock. Who’s there? Shit.

Latter Day Saints: Knock knock. Who’s there? Shit from space.

Scientology: Knock knock: Who’s there? Shit from space. But we’ll cut you off from your family worse than the previous two.

Rastafarianism: Let’s smoke some shit.

New Age: Let’s gather some crystals and shit.

Bahai faith: We combined shit from all over the world and made it into a new kind of shit.

Agnostism: We don’t know if the shit exists or not.

Weak Atheism: There’s no evidence for shit existing

Strong atheism: Shit doesn’t exist.

Deism: This shit doesn’t really care about us.

Random Thinking While Drinking

 I was thinking;

If only 11 million people have Obama-Care, how will 24 million people die if it is repealed?  Will an additional 13 million people be randomly shot, poisoned, or spayed?

I was thinking;

If Donald Trump deleted all his emails, wiped his server with Bleachbit (like Hillary) and destroyed all of his phones with a hammer, would the Mainstream Media suddenly lose all interest in the story and declare him innocent (like Hillary).

I was thinking;

If women do the same job for less money, why do companies hire men to do the same job for more money?

I was thinking;

If you rob a bank in a Sanctuary City, is it illegal or is it just an Undocumented Withdrawal?

I was thinking;

Each ISIS attack now is a reaction to Trump policies, but all ISIS attacks during Obama’s term were due to Climate Change and a plea for jobs.

I was thinking;

We should stop calling them all ‘Entitlements’. Welfare, Food Stamps, WIC, ad nausea are not entitlements, they are taxpayer-funded handouts, and shouldn’t be called entitlements at all.  Social Security and Veterans Benefits are Entitlements because the people receiving them are entitled to them. They were earned and paid for by the recipients.

I was thinking;

If Muslims want to run away from a Muslim country, does that mean they’re Islamophobic?

I was thinking;

If Liberals don’t believe in biological gender and promote transgenders, then why did they march for women’s rights?

I was thinking;

How did the Russians get Debbie Wasserman Schultz and the DNC to steal the Primary from Bernie Sanders?  How did Russia get Donna Brazile to leak debate questions to Hillary Clinton in advance of the debates?

I was thinking;

Why is it that Democrats think Super delegates are fine, but they have a problem with the Electoral College?

I was thinking;

If you don’t want the FBI involved in elections, don’t nominate someone who’s being investigated by the FBI.

I was thinking;

If Hillary’s speeches/screeches cost $250,000 an hour, how come no one shows up to her free ones?

I was thinking;

The DNC is mad at Russia because they ‘think’ they are trying to manipulate our election by exposing that the DNC is manipulating our election.

I was thinking;

If Democrats don’t want foreigners involved in our elections,  why do they think it’s all right for illegal’s to vote?

Remember, Drink, don’t Think!

 

Something to Think About

25.jpg

These 12 short stories are all very good lessons, and really
made us think twice about the daily happenings in our lives as we deal with
others!!
1.
Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working
on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own
words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.”
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2.
Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his
70s- what his top 3 tips are for success. He smiled and said, “Read
something no one else is reading, think something no one else
is thinking, and do something no one else is doing.”
——————————————————-
3.
Today, after my 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug. When I tensed up, she realized I didn’trecognize her. She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sinceresmile and said , “On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center.”
——————————————————-
4.
Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face.
——————————————————-
5.
Today at 7AM, I woke up feeling ill, but decided I needed the
money, so I went into work. At 3PM I got laid off. On my drive home I got
a flat tire. When I went into the trunk for the spare, it was flat too.
A man in a BMW pulled over, gave me a ride, we chatted, and
then he offered me a job. I start tomorrow.
——————————————————-
6.
Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood
around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent
words before she died. She simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have
gotten together like this more often.”
——————————————————-
7.
Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a
small hospital bed. About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the
first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.
——————————————————-
8.
Today, in the cutest voice, my 8-year-old daughter asked me
to start recycling. I chuckled and asked, “Why?”
She replied, “So you can help me save the planet.”
I chuckled again and asked, “And why do you want to save the
planet?” Because that’s where I keep all my stuff,” she said.
——————————————————-
9.
Today, when I witnessed a 27-year-old breast cancer patient
laughing hysterically at her 2-year-old daughter’s antics, I suddenly
realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and start celebrating
it again.
——————————————————-
10.
Today, a boy in a wheelchair saw me desperately struggling on
crutches with my broken leg and offered to carry my backpack and books for
me.
He helped me all the way across campus to my class and as he
was leaving he said, “I hope you feel better soon.”
——————————————————-
11.
Today, I was feeling down because the results of a biopsy
came back malignant. When I got home, I opened an e-mail that said,
“Thinking of you today. If you need me, I’m a phone call away.”
It was from a high school friend I hadn’t seen in 10 years.
——————————————————–
12.
Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from
Zimbabwe.
He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked
extremely skinny and unhealthy.
Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was
eating. The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.
——————————————————–
The best sermons are lived, not preached.
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I am glad I have you to send these to.
====================================================
These are worth passing on..hope you enjoy them as much as I
did !
God Bless AMERICA.
Land of the FREE because of the BRAVE . . .
Every Morning you wake up with 2 choices
1. You can continue to sleep with your Dreams.
2. You can wake up and CHASE your Dreams….

REMEMBER,
Money can’t buy happiness but poverty can’t buy anything !