See Only the Black Side

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I just received this story from my friend Lion Mike. It spoofs Obama and the Affordable Care Act. I find it highly offensive that anyone should write such a hilarious description of our first black President’s signature legacy legislation( I apologize for the black president reference, I am a racist and can only see his black-half, his white-half is invisible to me). I buy my flowers through ObamaFlowers.com regularly and I am greatly pleased with the fine service I receive. It only takes a few hours to log into the website, and usually the flowers arrive only a few days late. They are always a surprise because I never know what I will get, and I only pay three times what the same unidentified flowers cost at the local supermarket. For Thanksgiving I received a fabulous bouquet of dead red roses with a card that read, “Sorry, but our Obama live-flower panel decreed that you are too old for fresh living flowers, enjoy these dead ones instead.”  We proudly placed them on the dinner table for all of our Obama loving relatives to enjoy with us. Unfortunately, the guests all went home since it is now six days past Thanksgiving.

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Receptionist: Hello. Welcome to obamaflowers, my name is Valerie. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello. I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled, and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
Receptionist: Yes, I am truly sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of  November. But I can help you?
Customer: Thanks. I ordered a “Spring Bouquet” for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife…
Receptionist: (interrupting) Sir, “Spring Bouquets” do not meet our minimum standards. I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses.
Customer: But I have always ordered “Spring Bouquets”, done it for years, my wife likes them.
Receptionist: Roses are better, sir. I am sure your wife will love them.
Customer: Well, ok, how much are they?
Receptionist: It depends sir. Do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package?
Customer: What’s the difference?
Receptionist: 6, 12, 18 or 24 Red Roses.
Customer: The Silver package might be okay, how much is it?
Receptionist: It depends sir. What is your monthly income?
Customer: What does that have to do with anything?
Receptionist: I need that to determine your government flower subsidy. Then I can determine how much your out of pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department.
Customer: FlowerAid?
Receptionist: Yes. Flowers are a Right. Everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
Customer: Who said they were a Right?
Receptionist: Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional.
Customer: Whoa…..I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding Flowers as a Right.
Receptionist: It is not really a Right in the Constitution, but obamaflowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court Ruled it a “Tax”. Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a Right.
Customer: I don’t believe this…
Receptionist: It’s the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is your monthly income sir?
Customer: Forget it, I think I will forgo the flowers this year.
Receptionist: In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.
Customer: Why?
Receptionist: To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost will be.
Customer: WHAT? You can’t charge me for NOT buying flowers!
Receptionist: It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income…
Customer: (interrupting) This is ridiculous! I’ll pay the $9.50.
Receptionist: Sir, it is the $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
Customer: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!!
Receptionist: Actually sir, it’s a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
Customer: Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going to pay it.
Receptionist: Sorry to hear that sir. That’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.
Customer: Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING??
Receptionist: So they can get your GPS coordinates, sir.
(Doorbell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)
Receptionist: That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling obamaflowers. Have a nice day…and remember to vote democrat!

The Need is Great

My chest is bursting with pride. I just completed and posted a new website for my Lions Club. I had one linked to my Lions page, but it led to a funky page that was hard to find, hard to use, and limited in what I could do on it. This new one starts with our own domain name, frankfortlionsclub.com.
My goal was to have the website up and running as part of the Frankfort Lions Club 27th Annual Charities Sweepstakes. Tickets went on sale this week. The Sweepstakes Dance is the unofficial kick-off for the Frankfort Fall Festival. First prize is $10,000 in cash. We charge twenty dollars per ticket. It is a chance in the raffle, and entry for two adults into the beer tent for the dance.  We limit ticket sales to 2000. Since I joined this club we’ve never sold all the tickets. That means the odds to win are really good . In addition to the $10,000 first prize there are six additional prizes ranging in value from $1000 to $200.
The Sweepstakes Dance is a lively affair with the famous “Brother John Band” providing the music. Sandwiches, pizza, and drinks are available for sale. It turns into a neat social gathering. The crowd starts out with the seniors and evolves into the “Thirty Something” group closing it down.
The dance is on Thursday evening August 28, 2008. Action begins at 6:30 p.m. The music plays from 7:30 p.m. till 11:30 p.m.
The charities supported by the affair are: Scholarships to deserving Lincolnway East H.S. grads, food baskets to needy families at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter, the “Sights and Sounds” fund of the Lions of Illinois Foundation, free eye exams and eyeglasses for poor children, and a host of additional community needs. The list is endless, the need is great, the resources in short supply.
Help me out by going to our new website, and calling a Frankfort Lion from the list for a ticket now.
http://www.frankfortlionsclub.com 

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