210811-Paraprosdokians

Posted on 11/08/2021 by Grumpa Joe

Paraprosdokians

Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians – figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.

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1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

7. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

9. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put “DOCTOR.”

11. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street…with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

13. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

16. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

17. There’s a fine line between cuddling and…holding someone down so they can’t get away.

18. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.

19. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

21. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

23. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

24. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.

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The Arrogance of Congress

Posted on 18/11/2009 by Grumpa Joe

Imagine every page of the House Bill H.R. 3962 loaded with doublespeak, and references to prior bills, and paragraphs. Each branch leading to a new trap for the American consumer. Each one leading toward a take-over of our liberties. How can our Representatives be so delusional as to think that the contents of this bill are good for their constituents. All they know is what their leadership is telling them, VOTE FOR THE BILL.

My guess is that H.R. 3962 is loaded with perks for congressional leaders, and new ways for Congress to become wealthier off the tax payer. Health Care? There may be a hint of that in there too.

Will the bill create jobs? You bet it will, but they won’t be doctors or nurses, they will be highly paid government  clerks who will interpret the law and decide if you get treatment. I’m positive the law will be loaded with ambiguity, thus giving those clerks more control over you and me with their interpretations. In the meantime, salaries for doctors will be frozen. Their ability to make more money by treating more patients will be removed from their control. They will be given a quota of patients to see. Once they have seen them, they will go fishing.  In the European system, the doctors meet their yearly quotas by hustling in the early part of the year, then they go on vacation for the remainder of the year.

The Democrats invented Medicare back in the nineteen sixties. Since then it has become the standard for health care. A crummy one at that. What amazes me, is that Medicare must be something that only the wealthy get. Otherwise why would it be stripped of five hundred billion dollars from its budget to help pay for HR 3962?  This is clearly another example of the redistribution of wealth. The government is going crazy thinking about how  it will pay for the healthcare of all the baby-boomers coming into the system.  Their answer, redistribute the wealth of the senior health care system  to pay for an even larger system, and ration health care for seniors. Who cares  if seniors die early? Liberals encourage seniors to die early, just as they encourage controlling the population by murdering unborn babies. Medicare has put a monkey wrench into that philosophy by extending life. Therefore, kill Medicare to kill seniors. 

If you are wise, you will get sick in the first six months of the year, and die just before you are ready to retire.

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