Ugleee!

Posted on 26/09/2012 by Grumpa Joe

ugly-tomato-contest-winner

ugly-tomato-contest-runner-up (1)

For all the folks in the world who think I am a loser here is evidence that I am not. A few months ago a blog that I follow offered an ugly tomato contest and solicited entries. This was my big chance to show the world I can grow a tomato. The plant came from Home Depot and I planted it late. The species was labeled as Big Beefy. I wanted a big, juicy, meaty, red tomato to slice on to my sandwiches. Alongside the Big Beefy I planted a cherry tomato. I can report that I thoroughly enjoyed the cherry tomatoes in abundance all summer. The Big Beefy was somewhat sluggish to produce. When it did finally yield a fruit, it was always a distorted orb with tumor like growths projecting. The one in the photo caught my eye as a work of art and not as a meal. I picked it green to take photos. That’s when Soulsby Farm was looking for candidates. I seized the opportunity if only to redeem this fruit’s self-esteem. It would be an entrant in the ugly tomato contest. Never in a hundred years did I expect Big Beefy to become a finalist. Big Beefy won the runner up award.

I must confess I doctored the fruit just tad. Big Beefy looked very much like an Ogre. So I got creative and used a heavy marking pen to enhance his features with eye-pupils and eye brows. I thought Big Beefy looked rather scary. If he lasts until Halloween he will be my contribution to the night of horrors.

Thank you Soulsby Farm for an entertaining post.

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I’ll Give You Ice Cream-The Progressive Way

Posted on 12/08/2012 by Grumpa Joe

Excellent analogy! From a teacher in the Nashville area. To see the entire article go here EVALUATION

Who worries about “the cow” when it is all about the “Ice Cream?

The most eye-opening civics lesson I ever had was while teaching third grade this year. The presidential election was heating up and some of the children showed an interest. I decided we would have an election for a class president.

We would choose our nominees. They would make a campaign speech and the class would vote. To simplify the process, candidates were nominated by other class members.

We discussed what kinds of characteristics these students should have.
We got many nominations and from those, Jamie and Olivia were picked to run for the top spot.

The class had done a great job in their selections.

Both candidates were good kids. I thought Jamie might have an advantage because he got lots
\of parental support. I had never seen Olivia’s mother.

Give Them Ice Cream

The day arrived when they were to make their speeches Jamie went first.

He had specific ideas about how to make our class a better place. He ended by promising to do his very best. Everyone applauded. He sat down and Olivia came to the podium. Her speech was concise. She said, “If you will vote for me, I will give you ice cream.” She sat down.

The class went wild. “Yes! Yes! We want ice cream.” She surely could say more. She did not have to.

A discussion followed. How did she plan to pay for the ice cream? She wasn’t sure.
Would her parents buy it or would the class pay for it? She didn’t know.
The class really didn’t care. All they were thinking about was ice cream.

Jamie was forgotten.

Olivia won by a landslide.

Every time Barack Obama opened his mouth he offered ice cream and fifty-two percent of the people reacted like nine year olds. They want ice cream.

The other forty-eight percent of us know we’re going to have to feed the cow and clean up the mess.

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Tomorrow, Tomorrow, It’s Always a Day Away

Posted on 30/06/2012 by Grumpa Joe

Our first visit to Frankfort Cruise night was a huge disappointment. Usually, the place is jammed with cars. Hot Rodders begin streaming in as early as two o’clock to get a prime spot. The parking lots, and streets are all filled with classics. People come from all around just to gawk, talk to the owners, and to enjoy a pleasant summer night out. This night there was but a smattering of cars, and even fewer people.

Why? All I can figure is that our record setting temperature of 103 degrees did it. The heat was oppressive, and we got there too early. The sun was still too high to get any good pictures.

I snapped a few photos before Peggy and I escaped into the new ice cream shop called Mamma Rosetta’s for a peach gelato. Next week promises to be a better day. How did that song go from the musical Lil Orphan Annie, “tomorrow, tomorrow, it’s always a day away. . . .”

An early VW truck with air conditioning.

1960 Cadillac with loooong tail fins

Cadillac tail fin point at a Corvair van

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CINO, Conservative In Name Only

Posted on 13/04/2012 by Grumpa Joe

Today, I began my war against the terror organization known as Bull Thistle. As I patiently applied toxins to foliage with a brush to keep overspray from killing innocent victims, it finally occurred to me, gardens are naturally conservative. The natural law rules and plants are genetically programmed to win any affront to upset the balance. On the flip side, gardeners are the far left liberals. We constantly try to force our will upon Nature and its horticultural specimens to form a more perfect society. Gardeners are racist too. We chose to believe that some specimens are more desirable than others, and therefore, the undesirables are definitely open to annihilation.

When will we liberal gardeners learn that the order of Nature will persevere?  When will gardeners stop the foolishness of imposing their idea of what is beautiful and morally correct upon nature? Anyone who gardens knows that a beautiful society of plantdom has to be carefully controlled. Unwanted specimens are culled to keep the vision beautiful. If the maintenance slows or if it stops, the vision automatically reverts to the natural order of things. In some cases it reverts to something that is less than natural, because the gardener brought in specimens from outside his zone of influence to fill the lack of diversity. Many times the imports are without predators and thrive within the vision to overtake the locals.

So here I am, a boneheaded Conservative trying to impose my will upon the 2012 Monet Vision, in order to create a Utopian society of horticultural matter in an environment that repels my efforts to create heaven on earth.

“It’s a losin’ fight.” —–WIlliam Bendix as Riley in “The Life of Riley.”

The Life of Riley

The Life of Riley (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Easter Wabbit Invasion

Posted on 09/04/2012 by Grumpa Joe

Am I Seeing Things?

It was early Easter morning when I awoke to some strange noises in the house. Not yet completely awake, I began shuffling around the house looking for the source of noise. Am I seeing things, what is that in Grandma Peggy’s potted plant? My vision is blurry, I rub my eyes to clear them up and to sharpen my senses.

Easter Wabbit Munchin of Peggy's Plants

Oh my God! I am not seeing things it is real. A Wabbit has infiltrated the house. What I see is sharp and clearly a Wabbit. “How did he get in here?” I leave to get something to catch him with.

Oh no, another one!

Wabbit eating a Hyacinth bulb

This is too strange. What will I do now? First they infiltrated the yard and now the house. I’m in deep trouble. If Peggy finds the bunny wabbits they will become pets, and I will be forced to feed them. I have to catch them and make hasenpfeffer before she wakes up.

Wabbit Chews on Christmas Cactus

I don’t believe it, he is eating cactus! This is serious, I must still be asleep and this is a bad dream. Not even the dreaded terror-wabbits eat cactus plants. Yeah, this has to be a dream, no, it is a nightmare. Wake up this can not be real.

Wabbit on desert rose

The nightmare is getting worse! Not even the desert rose is safe, who are these guys? Oh my, how am I going to catch them all? If I don’t they will multiply and take over the house in a couple of days.

God save the orchid from the Wabbit.

Dear God save the orchid from this evil Wabbit! Nothing is safe. Are these Wabbits related to those who ate my tulips last year? Are they taking revenge for the rabbit barrier I used to cover the lobelia? What are they, and from where did they come?

Wabbit eats succulents

Now, that’s the last straw! Get out of the succulents. I’m cooked, there are way too many to deal with before Peggy finds them, and they become pets. She hates hasenpfeffer, and there isn’t much else they are good for except maybe wabbit foot key chains. Think, Think, Think. I need a solution fast. I just know they are busy multiplying.

I retire to my study to find a solution. I Google wabbit invasion and find numerous Youtube videos on wabbit invasions, but no solutions. Maybe I should return to bed and wake up all over again. It’ll be different, right? I don’t think so. Oh me, oh my, what am I to do? I need help. Maybe my readers will help me, yes I’ll blog about the wabbit invasion. All the intelligent people who read Grumpa Joe’s Place will send tons of advice for how to deal with this situation. Yes that’s it, but first I have to eat breakfast. All this talk of Hasenpfeffer and catching wabbits has fueled my appetite. Yes, go make some coffee, boil some eggs to have with toast made from that homemade bread. Go for it.

Wabbit army eyeing up Grumpa Joe.

Ye gods, they are coming to get me!

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