PSA-171117-Philosophy?

Posted on 17/11/2017 by Grumpa Joe

♦ The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

♦ I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

♦ When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

♦ Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

♦ America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

♦ You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

♦ My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

♦ I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

♦ Money talks … but all mine ever says is good-bye.

♦ You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.

♦ If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

♦ I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

♦ I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”

♦ My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

♦ My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

♦ Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

♦ The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

♦ The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

♦ I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

♦ Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number.

 

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My Sentiments Exactly

Posted on 05/06/2017 by Grumpa Joe

George Carlin was a magnificent comedian who used common sense to make fun of the human race. His intellect was far greater than that of the entire liberal population.

I would love to hear George’s monologue on global warming. He is right about the conceit of those who actually believe that a life form as insignificant as a human could have any impact on changing the planet.

The only positive I see coming out of the global warming threat is that power companies are becoming more efficient and thus less polluting. More companies are pouring money into developing better batteries and solar panels, but the bottom line is this: If we can buy energy for less from a coal burning power plant we will continue to do it. Our money is better spent on having fun. In another hundred years the electric car will probably have enough range and life to warrant spending money for. We will still need coal burning power plants to supply energy to all the battery chargers needed to keep our cars running. Solar panels may someday be made in the form of building materials. All new houses made from these solar absorbing roofs and walls will make them self sufficient. What will we then do with the millions of homes already made without such a sufficiency?

In the short term, all I see happening is that governments that buy into the global warming lie will tax us heavily. Not only will their economies be pouring trillions into developing low carbon emitting processes, the rich countries will be racked with guilt about putting the world into the dilemma. To buy their way out of the guilt they will send trillions of tax dollars to lesser countries that are too ignorant to know their life is being jacked by a bunch of thieves. Poor countries will remain poor, and rich countries will remain rich.  The common man, we the people meaning you and me will be poorer, and perhaps happier that we do our bit to save the planet.

As we pay and suffer to save the world, and Muslims will succeed in annihilating civilization thus depopulating the planet.  Earth will continue on its merry orbit until the sun itself eventually peters out a few billion years from now.

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Rules For Staying Young

Posted on 21/11/2012 by Grumpa Joe

From my friend Rich. Thanks again for great advice!

 

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age,
weight and height.  That’s why we live smart.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop & dull living.’ Experience new things…get out.

4. Enjoy the simple things…

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but  by the moments that take our breath away.
We all need to live life to its fullest each day!!

Worry about nothing, pray about everything!

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