Time to Go Camping

I received this letter from a former Boy Scout who is now seventy plus years old. He thought it was hilarious, so did I.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the
flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2
sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because
we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam’s mother and tell her he is okay. He can’t
write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and
rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark
if it hadn’t been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam
for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did
tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him.
Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up? The
wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our
clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It
wasn’t his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left.
Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect
something to break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance.
We think it’s a super bus. He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if
it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets
pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns
riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver. In
fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where
there aren’t any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming
out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn’t let me because I can’t
swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it’s
concrete because we didn’t have any plaster), so he let us take the
canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the
water from the flood. Scoutmaster Ted isn’t crabby like some
scoutmasters. He didn’t even get mad about the life jackets. He has to
spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause
him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew
dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a
tourniquet works. Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it
was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said
they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I’m so glad he
got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to
get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what
is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy
some more beer and ammo. Don’t worry about anything. We are fine and
tonight it’s my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster’s tent.

2 Responses

  1. Ha ha! Killer last line. Hilarious.

    • I served in the Boy Scouts of America in various leadership positions for twenty-five years. In all that time I knew a District Executive who I judged to be a fine young man. I went into shock several years later when I heard he was drummed out of the Catholic Seminary while preparing to become a priest. Life happens regardless of our laws and morals, and humans being humans their craziness will continue to happen.

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