PSA-171115-Another Bunch of Useless Facts

1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee
(Hardly seems worth it.)
2. If you passed gas consistently for 6 years and  9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that’s more like it!)
3. The human heart creates enough
pressure when it pumps out of the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
 4. A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(O.M.G.!!!)

5. A cockroach will live nine days without its 
head before it starves to death. (Creepy)

(I’m still not over the pig.)

6. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don’t try this at home; maybe at work.)

7. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. 
8. The female initiates sex by ripping the 
male’s head off.

(Honey, I’m home . What the…?)

9. The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the 
length of a football field.

(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

10. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

11. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still can’t believe that pig …quality over quantity)

12. Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

13. The strongest muscle in the body 
is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm…….)
14. Right-handed people live, on average, 
nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

15. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(Okay, so that would be a good thing.) 

16. A cat’s urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

17. An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain

(I know some people like that.)

18. Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

19. Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer.)

20. Humans and dolphins are the only 
species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, 
it’s your turn to spread these crazy facts 
and send this to someone you want to bring a 
smile to, maybe even a chuckle.





In other words, send it to everyone!
(and God love that pig.)

PSA-171110-Why Some Men Have Dogs and Not Wives

Some Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

 

1.The later you are, the more 
excited your dog is to see you.

 

 

2. Dogs don’t notice if you call
them by another dog’s name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor

4. Dogs’ parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re pissed.

ATT00013-1

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing

9. Dogs won’t wake you up at night to ask: “If I died, would you get another dog?”

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell ’em.

11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don’t run around frantically with room spray.

 

Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don’t lick them.

 

13. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won’t take half your stuff

To verify these statements:  Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.  Then open the door, and observe who’s happy to see you!

For Better Or For Worse

The old anniversary odometer just clicked off another whole number, we made it!  Today Peg and I celebrate our twelfth wedding anniversary. I can’t say the ride has been smooth because we have had our differences, but we learned to deal with them, and always made up. My God father once gave me this advice: never go to bed angry at each other , always kiss and tell each other “I  you love.”  God father’s advice works because Peg and I have made that ritual a standard practice. In twelve years I can say that we missed it once. I should say I missed it once because she was already asleep when I got home from a late meeting. Even though she slept, I followed through but she was so fast asleep she didn’t know I did.

Scan 2017-11-5 12.46.31 1

The first nine years I have to admit we enjoyed the “for better” aspect of our marriage vows We partied, we traveled, we went to the theater, we enjoyed the country club dinners with friends, all the things healthy people in love do. In the ninth year there was a dramatic slowdown in the better and an increase in the “for worse.” There were signs of memory deterioration. Peg suddenly needed help operating a washing machine. At first, I thought she was playing me, but she couldn’t remember which knobs to turn and buttons to push. When we traveled she always insisted I wait for her right outside the ladies room, she was afraid of getting lost. When in a restaurant she told me to order for her because she couldn’t see the items on the menu. This was a lady whose practice it was to read the entire menu, even the fine print, so she could decide upon a meal. During the last two years it has been mostly “for worse”  with an occasional better.

Joe & Peggy Wedding Party-November 5, 2005

Peggy’s Family

Before we agreed to marry, we discussed the inevitability of one of us dying or getting sick and how we expected the other to act. We agreed that even if we only had one year together it was worth the try at happiness. Both of us had long marriages before, and we both lost our spouses to a disease. Her husband died of heart related issues in combination with lung cancer at age sixty-nine. My wife beat breast cancer only to die at age sixty-five from issues related to a debilitating heart attack at age sixty-three.

Between the two of us we had ninety-one years of marriage under our belts, how hard could a second marriage be? It should be a snap, after all we have seen almost everything couples experience during our first marriages. How wrong I was. It was hard, but not so hard that we weren’t able to figure things out and smooth the conflicts over.

scan-2017-11-5-12-46-31-22.jpg

Right now, Peg is in some state of deterioration resulting from Alzheimer’s disease. I tell people she is relatively stable but declining very slowly.  This is why we are in the “for worse” period of our vows. Her communication skill is gone. Imagine a typical woman not being able to talk, she must be in hell. Imagine a woman who was a fashionista suddenly not giving a crap about clothes, make-up, or hair. Imagine a woman who was so fastidiously clean that she changed every piece of clothing every day because it was dirty from having worn it once, not wanting to bathe. Imagine a lady who could out walk me on a shopping trip not being able to walk again because she can’t remember how. I could go on and on, but I think you get the drift. Our lives have changed from that of newly weds to that of care-taker and patient. Luckily we had discussed these possibilities early on and put things in writing to be very clear about how we would treat each other.

It has been a good run but it is not over yet. It may last another day, or another ten years but it won’t matter because we still love each other now, and will continue to love each other to the very end which is the “till death do us part” of our vows. I write that like I expect to outlive her, but the fact is I can drop dead before her. In that case her life gets a little bit more complicated, but again, we have left instructions for our children on how to deal with that situation.

Happy anniversary my darling!

Me Too!

I have posted this piece before, but it must be re-posted again and again until my liberal friends and RINO’s get the message; Trump is not going away.  I won’t let him, and neither will brave people like ex-marine Dick Ivey who wrote this piece. So many times, I have done exactly what he did. The Republicans send me a phony questionnaire knowing full well they will get my juices flowing. At the end they always ask for money. Now, how dumb is that? They know full well that I will not send them a cent until they begin to act as my voice in Congress. My vote got this lame bunch into office and my vote will replace them. I hope it isn’t too late when we finally make it happen.



This sums it up for me!
Donald R. “Dick” Ivey, PhD, is a minister, educator, technology executive, entrepreneur,  Marine Corp Veteran, and straight shooting Republican Patriot from Celina, Texas, who is Fed up!  Here’s what he has to say today.
I am now in my 70’s.
Recently I received a questionnaire and request for money from the Republican Party and strongly agree with every question, as I have ever since Obama was elected.
Unfortunately the one question that was missing is: What have the  Republicans done for the American people?
We gave you a majority in the House and Senate, and you never  listened to us. Now you want our money, my money, more money.
You should be more concerned about our votes, not our money.
You are the establishment which means all you want is to save your jobs and line your pockets.
Well guess what? It’s not going to happen.
So far, TRUMP hasn’t asked for a dime.
You might think we are fools because you feel Trump is on a self-destruct course, but look beyond Washington and listen to the masses. Nobody has achieved what he has, especially in the state of New York.
Here’s why I wanted Trump. Yes, he’s a bit of an ass; yes, he’s an  egomaniac; but I don’t care.
      The country is a mess because politicians suck.
      The Republican Party is two-faced and gutless, and illegals are  everywhere. I want it all fixed!
      I don’t care that Trump is crude.
      I don’t care that he insults people.
      I don’t care that he has changed positions.
      I don’t care that he’s been married 3 times.
      I don’t care that he fights with Megan Kelly and Rosie O’Donnell.
      I don’t care that he doesn’t know the name of some Muslim terrorist.
Our country has become weak, and bankrupt. Our enemies are making fun of us. We are being invaded by illegals. We are becoming a nation of victims where every Tom, Ricardo and Hassid is a special group with special rights to a point where we don’t even recognize the country we were born and raised in, “AND I JUST WANT IT FIXED.”
And Trump is the only guy who seems to understand what We The People want and need.
I’m sick of politicians, sick of the Democratic Party, the Republican Party, and sick of illegals. I just want this thing fixed!
Trump may not be a saint, but he doesn’t have lobbyist money controlling him; he doesn’t have political correctness restraining him; all you know is that he has been very successful and a good negotiator; he has built a lot of things; and, he’s also not a politician.
And, he says he’ll fix it. And, I believe him because he is too much of an egotist to be proven wrong or looked at and called a liar.
I don’t care if the guy has bad hair.
Oh, and by the way, I don’t care if Sheriff Joe didn’t obey a zealot judge he upheld the law on illegal immigration. So I’m glad Trump pardoned him.
You are welcome to pass this on, or not.
Thought for the Day  “No country can sustain, in idleness, more than a small percentage of its numbers. The great majority must labor at something productive!”
Sincerely, Donald R. “Dick” Ivey, PhD, Celina, TX  (Google Donald R. “Dick” Ivey)
P.S.  No Borders, No Language, No Culture = No Country.
         I sure hopes this goes to everyone. Thanks, Dick

If you want to see more fun stuff go to this blog:

http://fredcoxcorner.blogspot.com/2017/

Funtime-171104-Seven Days In A Week

MONDAY
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that   her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.  He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug   her mother, saying,  

“Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that!  I’m dating Susan!”
TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher’s hand.  He said, “Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon.    Damned good!”
The preacher said, “Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.”
The man said, “I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!”
The preacher said, “No shit?”
WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor.    With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, “Just feed him pancakes.  That should solve the problem.”
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
“Gee, Mom,” he exclaimed, “for me?”
“Just take two,” Brenda replied.  “The rest are for your father.”
THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her
92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.  She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
“Your Honor,” she began coolly, “I figured that at 92, if he could screw,
he could fly.”
FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa … 
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful.  Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing that’s the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, “Wedding Cake.”
SATURDAY
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast.  At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”  Bob replied, “Girlfriend?  She’s my wife!”  They’re knocked over, but continue to ask:  “So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”  “I lied about my age,” Bob replied.  “What?  Did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”
SUNDAY
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Switzerland .As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used.  She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
“These,” she explained, “are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.”  She then asked, “What do you do in America with your old goats?”
A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours!”

PSA-171104-Truisms

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

~~~~~

My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.

~~~~~

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~~~

Blessed are those who can give without remembering
and take without forgetting.

~~~~~

The irony of life is that, by the time you’re old
enough to know your way around, you’re
not going anywhere.

~~~~~

God made man before woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer for her first question.

~~~~~

I was always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps getting harder to find one.

~~~~~

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

~~~~~

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
“With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control,
mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing
up the country from one end to another,
and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,
are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the
Pledge of Allegiance?”

~~~~~

Send Me A Pizza

 
Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

No sir – it’s Google Pizza.

I must have dialed a wrong number.  Sorry.



No sir – Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.



OK.  I would like to order a pizza.

Do you want your usual, sir?

My usual – you know me?

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called
you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses – sausage –
pepperoni –  mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.


 

OK – that’s what I want .

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta – arugula
sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin
crust?

What?  I detest vegetables.

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

 

 

 

How do you know?

 

 

 

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical
records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.



Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza!   I already take
medication for my cholesterol.



Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.
According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol
tablets once, at Drugsale  Network, 4 months ago.

 

I bought more from another drugstore.

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.



I paid in cash.

But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.



I have other sources of cash.

That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using
an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention
of helping you.

Enough already!  I’m sick to death of Google – Facebook – Twitter –
WhatsApp and all the others!!   I’m going to an island without
internet – cable  TV – where there is no cell phone service and no one
to watch me or spy on me !!



I understand sir – but you need to renew your passport first.  It
expired 6 weeks ago

 

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