Send Me A Pizza

 
Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

No sir – it’s Google Pizza.

I must have dialed a wrong number.  Sorry.



No sir – Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.



OK.  I would like to order a pizza.

Do you want your usual, sir?

My usual – you know me?

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called
you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses – sausage –
pepperoni –  mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.


 

OK – that’s what I want .

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta – arugula
sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin
crust?

What?  I detest vegetables.

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

 

 

 

How do you know?

 

 

 

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical
records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.



Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza!   I already take
medication for my cholesterol.



Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.
According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol
tablets once, at Drugsale  Network, 4 months ago.

 

I bought more from another drugstore.

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.



I paid in cash.

But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.



I have other sources of cash.

That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using
an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention
of helping you.

Enough already!  I’m sick to death of Google – Facebook – Twitter –
WhatsApp and all the others!!   I’m going to an island without
internet – cable  TV – where there is no cell phone service and no one
to watch me or spy on me !!



I understand sir – but you need to renew your passport first.  It
expired 6 weeks ago

 

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