Senior Musings

Later in Life  

I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… so she hugged me. 

My wife says I only have 2 faults. I don’t listen and something else….
At my funeral, take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.
I thought growing old would take longer.
I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing Retraced my steps, got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what’s going on.
The officer said, “You drinking?” I said, “You buying?” We just laughed and laughed….I need bail money.
I think the reason we are born with two hands is so we can pet two dogs at once.
Day 12 without chocolate. Lost hearing in my left eye.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They Forgot to mention morons.
The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”
A dog accepts you as the boss… a cat wants to see your resume.
Oops…. did I roll my eyes out loud?
Life is too short to waste time matching socks.
Wi-fi went down for five minutes, so I had to talk to my family. They seem like nice people.
If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed; we’re having a staff meeting.
I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness. I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it.”
I really don’t mind getting old, but my body is having a major fit.

Camping: where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
Project Manager…because Miracle Worker isn’t an official job title.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
Measure once, cuss twice..
I don’t care who dies in a movie, as long as the dog lives.
The world’s best antidepressant has 4 legs, a wagging tail and comes with unconditional love.
Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home.
I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
If you’re happy and you know it, it’s your meds.

Five Stars Squared

I just finished reading a delightful book which I thought would bring me back to grief. I read all the reviews and picked up the story line ahead of  time to realize the main character loses his wife to cancer. I hate stories about men who lose wives to anything disease. That is how I lost my first wife and am now losing my second. The idea of awakening grief within my body made me cringe. Yet, after beginning to read I fell in love with this story. Yes there was grief, love, suspense, and excitement, all of the elements of fiction that make a story interesting. The most unlikely character is the dog. The central character’s dog Enzo tells the story from beginning to end. The ending is sad but beautiful. You will not go wrong reading The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein.

Five stars squared.

PSA-171110-Why Some Men Have Dogs and Not Wives

Some Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

 

1.The later you are, the more 
excited your dog is to see you.

 

 

2. Dogs don’t notice if you call
them by another dog’s name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor

4. Dogs’ parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re pissed.

ATT00013-1

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing

9. Dogs won’t wake you up at night to ask: “If I died, would you get another dog?”

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell ’em.

11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don’t run around frantically with room spray.

 

Dogs never tell you to stop scratching your balls. Instead, they sit pondering why you don’t lick them.

 

13. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.

And last, but not least:

14. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won’t take half your stuff

To verify these statements:  Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.  Then open the door, and observe who’s happy to see you!

Just Fun

A

The Seventh Commandment

Thank You OC Grandma! My cousin Sharron sent me these pictures and titled the e-mail “Thou Shalt Not Kill.” I agree with her, but the temptation to do so would be great if I found one of these situations in my house. My advice to young parents is this: If you have toddlers or infants in the house and it seems to be very, very quiet, be afraid and look for the source of quiet.

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