A GITMO Proposal

Stella Dora Lilly

Stella Dora Lilly

Throughout the campaign for the presidency, liberals have advocated the closing of the Guantanamo Bay prison camp. The idea of locking up terrorists bent on destroying the United States has offended the sensibilities of these open minded people. They berated “W’ for denying these poor troubled souls from Afghanistan and Iraq their civil rights. What the liberals don’t understand is that these guys aren’t citizens of the USA nor are they immigrants. They have no rights in the USA.

I am always open to solving problems and find myself very creative at coming up with suggestions. Among the many reasons for not closing Guantanamo is that no one knows what to do with the remaining bad guys. None of our friends in the world want them. I doubt that the Arab world wants them. So there lies the problem, what to do with these people?

Here is my proposal. There is a very large home in the Hyde Park neighborhood of Chicago that is currently empty. It belongs to our newly elected president. I suggest that the bad guys be brought to live in the empty home of our president. We place them in the hands of our toughest neighborhood gang to watch and to control. One of the neighbors, a retired terrorist himself, can act as their  mentor on life on the southside of Chicago. Another neighbor, Louis Farakhan could arm wrestle Jeremiah Wright for the priviledge of infusing them with a more rigorous hatred for America than they already have.

If we do this quickly, like today, the bad guys can taste some real torture in the form of our normal average winter weather; currently minus six degrees F and dropping. My guess is that they would reform quickly.

If the liberals think the torture of a Chicago winter is too harsh, I suggest they move to the north pole where all the heat from our cars is concentrated and it is much warmer these days. 

On the positive side: The bad guys would stay indoors to keep warm and avoid committing bad acts.

The president will receive a tidy rental for the use of his home. He could put the money away for his daughters’ college fund.

The gang in charge of keeping them in check would have some responsibility teaching these thugs some new techniques for terrorizing communities.

The neighborhood terrorist could occupy his time testing radical teaching methods on them.

The preacher who wins the arm wrestle will re-ignite them with Islam or Black Liberation Theology. 

 Of course all of this would most likely constitute  torture, thereby upsetting  the liberals once more. The final upshot could be the liberals assume the responsibility for reclaiming these lives. They will adopt the terrorists and bring them into their homes  all across the country.

Everyone will be happy again.

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