Ancient Humor

Hebrew Lesson worth reading!

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:

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It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least 3,000 years old!

The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around
the world came to study the ancient symbols.

They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The president of the society pointed to first drawing and said:
“This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem.

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You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.

The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them.

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Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that during a famine, they seek food from the sea.
The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.”

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then an old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,
“Idiots… Hebrew is read from right to left…

It says: ‘Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that chick”mime-attachment.jpg

Shooting the Bull

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Indian Wanting Coffee:

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and Pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:

“Want coffee.”

The waiter says, “Sure Chief. Coming right up.”

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee…..

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts The buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal To splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling Another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to The waiter:

“Want coffee.”

The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”

The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Training for position in United States Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up. Disappear for rest of day.”

Late Night XXX Story

Jane4

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, And during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

‘Tarzan not know sex’ he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said …’Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.’

Horrified Jane said, ‘Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.’ She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

‘Here’ she said, pointing to her privates, ‘you must put it in here.’

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, exciting Jane with his considerable manhood. He stepped in closer, starring to where she had pointed and suddenly, without warning kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed ‘Why the hell did you do that ?’

To which he replied, ‘Tarzan Check for squirrel.’

” THE UNEXAMINED LIFE IS NOT WORTH LIVING ” — SOCRATES

Q & A at School

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This one is too good not to share:

President Obama goes to a primary school to talk to the kids.
>> After his talk he offers question time.
>>
>> One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.
>>
>> Walter,” responds the little boy.
>>
>> “And what is your question, Walter?”
>>
>> “I have six questions”
>> First, “Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?”
>>
>>
>> Second, “Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it’s
>> actually gotten worse?”
>>
>>
>> Third, “Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, and then
>> said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs?
>>
>> Fourth, “Why are we lending money to Brazil to drill for oil, but
>> America is not allowed to drill for oil?”
>>
>> “Fifth, why do you continue to cover up the Benghazi scandal?”
>>
>> “Sixth, why did you spy on your own U.S. citizens?”
>>
>> “And lastly, why did the IRS target Republicans?
>>
>> Just then, the bell rings for recess. Obama informs the kiddies that
>> they will continue after recess.
>>
>> When they resume Obama says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right:
>> question time… Who has a question?”
>>
>> Another little boy puts up his hand. Obama points him out and asks him
>> his name.
>>
>> “Steve,” he responds.
>>
>> “And what is your question, Steve?”
>>
>>
>> Actually, I have two questions.
>>
>>
>> First, “Why did the recess bell ring 40 minutes early?
>>
>>
>> Second, “What the f… happened to Walter?”
>>

Super Smart Kid Shows Up His Class

Kids-in-classroom

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing
some American History. Who said ‘Give me Liberty, or give me
Death’?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for
Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand
up: “Patrick Henry, 1775,” he said.

“Very good! — Who said, ‘Government of the
People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the
Earth’?”

Again, no response except from Little Akio:
“Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

“Excellent!” said the teacher continuing,
“Let’s try one a bit more difficult — Who said, ‘Ask not what your country
can do for you, but what you can do for your country’?”

Once again, Akio’s was the only hand in the
air and he said: “John F. Kennedy, 1961.

The teacher snapped at the
class, “Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Akio isn’t from
this country and he knows more about our history than you do.”

She heard a loud
whisper: “Fuck those Japs.”

“Who said that? — I want
to know right now!? she angrily demanded.

Little Akio put his hand
up, “General MacArthur, 1945.”

At that point, a student in
the back said, “I’m gonna puke.’

The teacher glares around
and asks, ‘All right! — Now who said that?”

Again, Little Akio says,
“George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another
student yells, “Oh yeah? — Suck this!”

Little Akio jumps out of
his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica
Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit! —
If you say anything else — I’ll kill you!”

Little Akio frantically
yells at the top of his voice, “Michael Jackson to the children testifying
against him, 2004.”

The teacher fainted. As the class
gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, We’re
screwed!”

Little Akio said quietly, “The American people, November 6,
2012”

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