God’s Plan for Aging

stock-vector-man-aging-age-human-life-young-growing-old-process-stage-development-stick-figure-pictogram-icon-129166586.jpg

Most seniors never get enough exercise.

In His Wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking.

And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His Wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch.

And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have  additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

##################################

Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older

#9 – Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8 – Life is sexually transmitted.

#7 – Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6 – Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5 – Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4 – Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3 – All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2 – In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1 – Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Don’t ignore this message. This is your only warning.

A friend sent this to me — he must have mistakenly assumed I was aging!

Natural-chemical-to-Reverse-Aging.jpg

Talking To God

GOD to ST. FRANCIS :

st-francis-of-assisi-praying
Frank , … You know all about gardens and nature.
What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.

St. FRANCIS:
It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers ‘weeds’ and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD:
Grass? But, it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It’s sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow i and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it-sometimes twice a week.

GOD:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS:
No, Sir, just the opposite.. They pay to throw it away.

GOD:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS:
Yes, Sir.

GOD:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS:
You aren’t going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD:
What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It’s a natural cycle of life.

ST. FRANCIS:
You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away..

GOD:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD:
And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS:
They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD:
Enough! I don’t want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you’re in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE:
‘Dumb and Dumber’, Lord. It’s a story about….

GOD:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

On the Ninth Day

No words needed, just watch and listen to the video.

 

Vote on Tuesday November 4th to take our country back!

Fox Just Blocked My Comment

cow-10

Interesting for sure. I just read an article on Fox about a school principal in Ventura, California who cancelled a booster club sale of Chick Fil A sandwiches because someone might be offended. As usual, I put my two-cents worth into a comment. Someone kicked me off before I finished the statement. The only offensive thing I can think I said is that I  referenced the LGBT community as those being offended. I was in the middle of stating that California Schools be supported only by the taxes paid by the LGBT community and not from the rest of California. The post went dead and I received a message that I could protest if I wanted. This is my protest. I wanted to provide a link to the article but everything I copied and pasted came up dead, so here is the article instead.

################################################################################

School Bans ‘Offensive’ Chick-fil-A Sandwiches
BY
TODD STARNES
// SEP 12 2014 // 2:17PM
Feathers have been ruffled at California’s Ventura High School, where the principal this week banned the football booster club from selling Chick-fil-A sandwiches over fears that people might be offended.
What, pray tell, could people find offensive about a plump juicy chicken breast tucked between two buttered buns?

Were English teachers put off by the restaurant chain’s grammatically challenged bovine pitchmen?

FOLLOW TODD ON FACEBOOK FOR THE LATEST CONSERVATIVE NEWS.

Did the waffle fries and banana pudding milkshakes exceed the nutritional limits deemed acceptable by the federal government?

The answer, dear readers, is no. It seems Principal Val Wyatt’s ban has less to do with poultry and more to do with politics.

“With their political stance on gay rights and because the students of Ventura High School and their parents would be at the event, I didn’t want them on campus,” Wyatt told the Ventura County Star.

It was a sentiment supported by Trudy Tuttle Ariaga, superintendent of the Ventura Unified School District.

“We value inclusivity and diversity on our campus, and all our events and activities are going to adhere to our mission,” Ariaga told CBS News in Los Angeles.

This is a classic example of those preaching inclusivity and diversity being the least inclusive and diverse of all.

Let’s back up for a minute and explain how this unfortunate act of poultry bigotry came about.

The local Chick-fil-A franchise has a storied history of supporting the school district – to the tune of thousands of dollars – and owner Robert Shaffer had generously offered to give the booster club 200 meals for a “back-to-school” event on Wednesday at which they expected to raise $1,600 for the football team, the Ventura Star reported.

“That would have gone toward the football program, everything from uniforms to food for the boys,” booster club president Dan Swim told the Star. “We don’t charge money for the boys to play football.”

A few days before the back-to-school event, the principal broke the news to the booster club. She said her “main reason” for banning Chick-fil-A was because she did not want an outside organization to sell or advertise during the event.

“I work really hard to keep Ventura High School from being a marketplace for all kinds of vendors to come to the campus and reap profit,” she told the newspaper.

Well, dear. That’s a bit disingenuous. Chick-fil-A was not making a single penny. They were giving all the proceeds to the booster club. Period.

I suspect her “main reason” had more to do with her statement about Chick-fil-A’s opposition to gay rights.

There’s just one teensy-weensy problem with Principal Wyatt’s explanation: It’s not true.

“Chick-fil-A doesn’t have a stance on gay marriage,” Shaffer told the Star. “We treat everyone who walks through our doors, regardless of their religion or sexual orientation, with honor, dignity and respect.”

In a 2012 interview that was published by Baptist Press, Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy affirmed his support of the biblical definition of the family. The interview sparked nationwide outrage among the LGBT community and the mainstream media.

“Well, guilty as charged,” he said. “We are very much supportive of the family – the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.”

That’s it. That’s what Dan Cathy said. Here’s the link to the interview. Read it for yourself. Not once did Cathy say anything disparaging about the LGBT community or gay marriage.

Unless, of course, the principal is suggesting that people who support the biblical definition of marriage are somehow anti-gay. Is that what you are suggesting, Principal Wyatt?

At best, the principal is misinformed. At worst, she is an outright liar. But for the sake of generosity, let’s just say she’s slow on the uptake.

Principal Wyatt needs to retract her woefully ignorant statement and publicly apologize for her offensive accusations. And to show there are no hard feelings, I would be more than willing to allow her to make things right by posting her retraction in this column.

As they say at Chick-fil-A, it would be my pleasure, Principal Wyatt.

######################################################################

Stupid is as Stupid does

Ventura High School in California gets the award.

######################################################################

Back to my rant.

Ventura H.S.  should also ban hotdogs, Coke and every other edible cuisine for fear it may offend another community. I, for one, am offended by Coke, it references a dangerous drug, cocaine.  People who drink it must condone the usage of cocaine. When does the stupidity stop?  When do we get the schools to teach the basics of reading, writing, and arithmetic instead of all this politically correct bull shit? If the use of the word “shit” offends you, too bad. You should consider ending your life because it is a word that defines something that is totally natural and all of us do it everyday, including you. Consider this, what if I used the politically correct words of bull feces instead of bull shit, would it have the same effect?

If we hear of a school banning football, I am sure it’ll be from Ventura High School.

I’m not done yet.

Think about this. Maybe we should ban public schools. They are bad for your health because they promote Michelle Obama’s unhealthy diet, they offend people with something they do no mater what it is, they are unpatriotic, and want to ban the pledge of allegiance, they ban God and prayer, they promote only stupid Liberal ideas, they rewrite history to make the USA sound evil, their multiculturalism promotes returning to the Ice Age, they promote the EPA and its ban on water for humans in favor of a fish, they are “Gun Free” zones thus putting a target on the bask of everyone in the buildings, and they don’t care that fifty percent of the kids they educate won’t graduate and have no clue about anything but Facebook.

Maybe now I’m done.

Nope, another school in Michigan stopped a returning army dad from entering his daughter’s school, because his uniform might offend someone. Another suspended a kid for wearing a tee-shirt commemorating 9/11. Yep, we must ban Public Schools, and send the teachers to Mexico to teach Mexican  kids so they won’t have to come here.

This rant will never end, but I will. Mark my words, people will be writing about this subject a hundred years from now and the rants will sound exactly the same, because. . .Stupid is as Stupid does.

I know, I know, I have many teacher friends who I have offended by this post, but I don’t care anymore the insanity must stop.

 

Father of the Century

Picture a father walking his daughter down the aisle to hand her off to the groom. Then, picture the Dad stopping at the foot of the altar to tell a heart-felt story about him, God and his daughter. This is the most sincere, honest, and hilarious yarn I have ever heard. Watch the video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqEkPjUbmIA